The sky above us
by Flowing lantern
Summary: Defan AU. Stefan and Damon are just children coping with the recent death of their mother. How do they balance between the grief and the cold attitude their father gives them? Damon and Stefan brotherly love.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! So this is a Defan story I came up with a while ago, but only managed to sit down and write recently. To let you in more on the plot-Stefan is a five-year-old kid and Damon is thirteen. This is happening five months after their mother's death. The story is evolving in the 21 century not the 19 just to make that clear since I've seen fanfictions here who describe their life back when the characters from the show were born. I'll make the chapters short since it's not such a heavy story and I just enjoy writing it. Hope you like it and please let me know what you think of it. ((:**

**Damon's POV**

I can feel someone pulling up my blanket lightly and in my sleep I tug it back to myself hoping that I'm just dreaming and this is not what I think it is. Or more like-not who I think it could be. Then I feel his small hand gently shaking me on the shoulder and him whispering my name.

"Damon…" he sounds as if he has cried which makes me turn around abruptly. I'm not that sleepy anymore. Even though it's dark I can still see his face and the tears that have fallen down his small rounded cheeks that were now too pale. They've left trays, as if he has cried a whole river, he's scared and his biting his lip as usually. Once before when he was younger he had made it bleed and I remember mother scolding him for it. "Damon?" he asks this time, hoping that I'm completely awake and I'll finally realize that it was him who's interrupting me, probably somewhere after midnight.

He's small and very skinny, his PJs are too big for him. Actually, that's my old PJs, but mom made him wear it. I guess he didn't want to stop doing it now when she was gone, because he thought he would disappoint her even though she can't even see him anymore.

"Stefan, what on earth is going on?" I ask, trying to sound a little annoyed that he has woken me up, but I'm actually worried-he's been waking up in the last four nights and has come here every single one of them. He looks confused now, doesn't know what to say so I decide to help him, this time sounding more benevolent "Did you have another bad dream?"

He nods his head eagerly, satisfied that I've said the words out loud.

"Come on, hop up here next to me." I say and he can't even wait for me to finish the sentence, but climbs up besides me. I help him find his place and move away so he can put his little blond head on the pillow as well. He's still shaking, though and I put the blanket back on both of us.

"Damon?" he says my name with his childish five year-old voice. He wants to talk and I already curse myself for letting him sleep here since he wouldn't let me fall asleep soon. "Father was drunk tonight." he says silently as if he's afraid the words will crash everything under us and leave us homeless and alone, which in a way we were, especially ever since mother died five months ago. His statement completely wakes me up though. I don't expect him to let those stuff he sees sink in, but then again I realize that I'm underestimating him. He might be only five, but he can sense that everything in this house is just wrong. It's just turned upside down.

I'm glad that I'm not able to see his face, because I'm pretty sure it could bring tears to my eyes. He is like this, my little brother, he's sad all the time. Before, when mother was still alive, he was a little lonesome and keeping to himself, but he knew how to have fun, especially when I took him out to play with me-he was careless and he ran along, we played together with our friends and his laugh filled the rooms of the house, but ever since she has passed away he's like a whole different kid. He is, because I know I am as well. He completely stopped smiling, he had nightmares and he almost didn't talk. Our aunt Sarah-my mother's sister, who came to our house every day and took care of us, was worried that there's something wrong going on with him. Personally I only thought he's sad just as I was, even though I was trying not to show it-I always made attempts to make him smile a little more and sometimes I succeeded.

"Come on, Stefan, go to sleep." I say instead, denying to confirm his statement about our drunk of a father. "We have school tomorrow."

I close my eyes, but he's just so restless that it doesn't give me any opportunity to even try and fall back asleep.

"Damon?" he asks again trying to figure if I'm still up. He knows that sometimes I get mad and answer him abruptly which is why he's so cautious.

"Yeah" I say after a big sight.

"I couldn't find Lincoln tonight." Lincoln was his little teddy bear. Actually one of his little teddy bears, he had three and he named them all after our greatest presidents-there was Jefferson, and Kennedy as well and I could see them on our window post from my bed even though it was dark. Poor Kennedy had only one eye and Jefferson lacked a leg, but Lincoln was his favorite because mother bought it for him for his last birthday and he always slept with it. He had the tendency to lose them sometimes when he played around our small house and to forget where he has put them, then he came to me with a crying voice, asking to come help him figure out where they were. In the beginning I couldn't understand why he wanted to give them such extravagant names, but later I remembered that we had this small children history encyclopedia with the presidents in it and mother used to give it to him as a distraction while she cooked in our kitchen. Speaking of books, our aunt Sarah almost succeeded in her goal of teaching him how to read, even though he was only five and she was very proud of her achievements. I could tell he was going to be smart, but he didn't really like going to school, because the boys made fun of him or called our father names, which made it all harder for him. I knew he got angry and he wanted to fight with them-he did a couple of times. I knew it because I did it too. It didn't matter that I was older-I had feelings too and insulting me or my family was something I couldn't bear.

"We'll find him tomorrow, Stefan, I promise. "

For a moment he went silent and I was finally glad that I could go back to dreaming about the time when I would wake up and aunt Sarah would've made us something for breakfast, but unfortunately that didn't last long.

"Damon?"

"Oh, God, yes!" I was getting impatient.

"Thanks for letting me sleep with you." that made me regret being so rude and so I fixed the blanket once again and noticed him finally closing his eyes.

"It's fine, brother."

I can't believe how fast time passes when all you want to do is sleep, but around six I heard aunt Sarah open the front door and I realized that she'll soon make us get up. She went to the kitchen where my father's been snoring all night, thankfully without disturbing both Stefan and me before that. I really wanted to say that the reason he drank so much was because of my mother's death, but he used to do this ever since I couldn't remember. Well..he has never been in such a desperate situation, but every now and then he got drunk and mom used to scold him so much about it. They often got into fights and we could hear them from our room. Stefan usually got scared and I would hear him cry in his bed next to me so I would start telling him a story or a fairy tell so he could calm down. Now it was worse though. Father had no boundaries anymore and he was on the verge of getting fired, which I hoped wouldn't happen. He didn't like neither me nor Stefan-he said that I was lazy and Stefan is an idiot since he was scared to talk in front of him. Sometimes I got into fights with him as well, when I was fed up with his behavior, which made Stefan pull me away and trying to get me out of the room since he was afraid something would happen. I wasn't afraid of our father though, I had no reason to be-he was just a drunken old broken man who didn't care about anyone and I resented him with all my heart. I resented him because he didn't treat our mother right and I resented him for making Stefan feel the way he did now.

I heard aunt Sarah open the door. She was a nice woman, though she tend to yell at us sometimes too much and she often scolded us for not doing something right. She made terrible soup and yet it was the only thing that she could cook relatively good, besides her pancakes of course, but mom used to say that everyone can make pancakes so I'm not sure I should count them. She had two kids of her own-girls, awful girls! They were really annoying. I admit that Stefan was getting on my nerves most of the times, but those two little monsters were terrible. Even my little brother, who always silently agreed to whatever he was told, resented going to their house, but she took us there sometimes when father was just too drunk and she was worried about us. I preferred staying here, no matter what the situation was. Even though she was a little tough, I knew that she loved both me and my brother. The problem was that she didn't often show it. Or better said-never.

"Damon, get up you'll be late" she doesn't bother yelling in seven in the morning and Stefan suddenly opens his eyes scared and still sleepy, trying to figure what was going on. Once he saw her, he relaxed back on the pillow. "You too little devil!" she adds to my brother, but he ignores her. I guess he's just too tired since we didn't sleep much last night. She gets out of the room and I hop out of the bed, trying to find where my jeans were in all this mess. Stefan keeps prolonging the inevitable while I get ready and wash my teeth.

"Come on! Get up already, we'll be late!" I shake his shoulder, but he lets a very funny childish sigh out and pushes me away, I push back and we turn it all into one of our playful fights, which always make me laugh out loud because he's very funny when he's trying to put all his strength into bringing me down. Eventually I start tickling him and for the first time in such a long period I hear his laugh. Aunt Sarah comes back, though only to scold us and I leave him to get dress while I go to the kitchen. He comes back two minutes later dressed with a very old ruffled black sweater, which actually used to be mine. He hopes up on the place next to me and aunt Sarah hands him over a pancake.

"What on earth did you put on yourself, Stefan?" she starts scolding again and comes closer to him to inspect the situation.

"It was the only one I could find, aunt Sarah." he says apologetically. She tosses her hands in the air and goes to the sink. She hasn't done the laundry and she's cursing herself, but she won't say out loud that it's her fault. Instead she starts blabbing about how she's doing everything in this house and that our father doesn't even think about us and what our needs were, how nobody thinks of her and she's running two houses and taking care of four children and so on and so on until I finally give Stefan a sign that it's time to go and he shoves the rest of his pancake in his mouth. We say goodbye and she gives us our lunch which is actually two sandwiches with nothing in-between to actually make them worthy of this word. Stefan takes a while to put his shoes on, because they have laces and he can't tie them up. For a moment though I forget about that fact and open the door almost on the verge of leaving him behind when I hear his silent voice, begging me to pay him attention. I turn back and lean down to fix his shoes while he puts his small hands on my shoulders so he wouldn't fall. Then we practically run outside because we'll miss the bus and I urge him to keep going until we're finally up. He finds his way next to Simon Fell-the youngest boy of the Fell family, who have five sons. I think Simon is actually the only friend Stefan has-they both play a lot in school and they are a little bit of outsiders or as much as five-year-olds could be outsiders. I can hear them already eagerly explaining something to one another and that makes me smile.

I find my way back to the seats where the older students sit and greet my friend Alaric, who is once again talking about girls-I think he has a hormones problem lately, or that just the beginning of our teenage years is not doing him any good, not for now at least. I don't fail to listen to him though, but I lose my attention fast and stare at the window only to notice that it has started snowing again. We had three weeks until Christmas vacation and honestly this year was the first one I wasn't eager for this time to come, simply because it would be our first one without mother and secondly because I doubt we'll actually get to celebrate it properly. I guess aunt Sarah would take us to her house, which wasn't something to look forward to. I stare back at my brother and notice his blond messy hear a few places before me. Then something hits me-he doesn't have his hat on and it's fucking cold outside. I stand up and tell Alaric to remember his thoughts until I come back and he gives me a wide smile. He's a good person and a good friend, but God, he talks too much sometimes. I like going to his house though-his mother makes delicious dinners and I always regret not having Stefan there as well, he would've loved the meals this woman makes! It reminds me of our mother's cooking-just so delicious!

"Stefan!" I shake his shoulder and he turns around worriedly "Where's your hat, buddy?"

It takes him some time to remember where he has put it and he even searches through his jacket pockets and opens up his little bag full of pencils and shabby notebooks with doodles in them. He liked to draw.

After he fails to find it he shrugs his little shoulders and gives me a confused look.

"I don't know, Damon. I might have left it at school or at home." I lean down so I could be in his level and take my own hat down and roll it up a little so it could be more suitable for his small head and then put it on.

"Here, you'll take mine. Try to find yours later though, it's too cold outside." I say and hurry to stand up but he stops me and catches the hood of my sweater, trying to put it on my head which almost makes my heart stop-he's always thinking about me, even when I am not.

"You put this on, Damon" he says after he fails to cover my big head with his small palms.

"I will. Go, now!" I say as I notice that we are approaching his school. He gives me an unhappy look, with which he wants to tell me that he doesn't want to go in there, but I don't surrender to his puppy green always-teary eyes and give him a stern look, trying to make him understand that there is no other way. "Don't play outside during lunch break, because you'll get sick." I wanted to make sure that he remembers that, since last winter he got pneumonia and scared the hell out of us. Mother always made sure that he listens to what she says, she cared enough to think of those stuff, now she was gone and I had to care.

He and Simon Fell hopped out and as we were leave the street I noticed him looking back up to the place where Alaric and me sat. Then Simon pulled him up and they headed to the entrance. I shook my head and let a deep sigh out, hoping that things would somehow slowly start to get better for us all.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys. So here's another chapter, I hope you get to like it. For those of you who are also reading The Greatest thing-I got to let you know that I've started writing another chapter, but since things there are complicated I need more time which I don't have now because my awful exams just started and I'll be done with them in the middle of June. So yeah...I won't be able to post anything new there for some time. Hope you can be patient enough and bare with me. **

**Let me know what you thought of this one. ((: **

**Stefan's POV**

Simon and me, we slowly walked through the hallway, not willing to go outside and get home unlike every other time we finished school. He's walking beside me with his head down, hoping that his brother won't be waiting outside for him.

Simon had four brothers-all of them older than him-Evan was the eldest, I think he was bigger than Damon, then came Fletcher, John and finally Oliver, who was only two years older than us. My personal favorite was Fletcher. I think he was really smart unlike the rest of them, plus Damon always said that he can really only get along with him from all the Fell brothers. Evan had the tendency to get into troubles, like I did sometimes when I couldn't write my homework or find my clothes, but Damon said that he makes worse things than me. The Fells had this big feud with the Mikaelson brothers, I couldn't understand why to be honest. I asked Damon a couple of times but he always said that I won't understand it even if he tries to answer me in a childish way. I don't know why he needs to have a way of explaining, but I stopped asking because he sometimes got mad that I had so many questions, when he wasn't in the mood for answering me at all.

I caught Simon's hand as we came closer to the exit. My friend couldn't see very well, he had big glasses and the other kids always made fun of him because he couldn't see a chair or a table and usually hit himself or tripped over. His shoes were never tied, but not because he couldn't do it like me, but because he couldn't see very well where the laces were, even when he leaned down. Damon said he was born this way and I wanted him to get better so much even though I could see that things were going the other way around. When we played outside I always guided him-we were loners, staying away from all the fun the other kids were having, but that was ok with me-he was my friend, I would never leave him. His brothers all really cared for him, especially Fletcher, who was like Damon for me. And I have no idea what I would do without Damon. I hated it when other kids made fun of Simon, especially Kol Mikaelson, who was the worst of them all. He liked to call Simon and his brother's names and he used words that Damon never let me say out loud. Sometimes he pushed him to the ground and that got me so mad. Today he took Simon's sandwich away and stomped it with his new sneakers in front of everyone and I got so angry that I said a very bad word and then we got into something like a fight. Kol was the definition of the devil-he was two years older than us and he enjoyed torturing people. I think all the Mikaelsons did that, especially that Klaus boy. I hated them all. I knew Damon despises them as well, but he always told me to stay out of this mess between those kids, because we were having enough troubles anyway. I didn't like that though. Not when Simon was involved.

The Fells weren't very rich, but they were all a big happy family and I liked going to their house. Simon's mother was a very sweet lady, she reminded me of my mother and his father was nothing like ours. He worked long hours, but he always found time for Simon and his brothers and even for me when I was there and I really enjoyed that. Damon didn't want me to go there often though, aunt Sarah too, because she said I'm not a homeless child and I shouldn't spent too much time there because people would think bad things of our family. I couldn't understand what this meant at first and then Damon explained that aunt Sarah liked to be in control and she cared too much about what other people were saying about us-in other words, she wanted to seem like she's doing a good job raising us.

I liked aunt Sarah, even when she scolded me too much. I don't think she was a bad person though. I can't think of anyone as a bad person. Except for Kol Mikaelson.

We went outside and I looked around for our brothers. Simon tightened his grip-he was a skinny kid and that said a lot, because aunt Sarah always said I was too thin. I'm not sure she has seen Simon Fell's tiny body.

"Is it Fletcher?" he asked as he was trying to figure out who was standing besides my brother.

"Yes" I respond and push him to go towards them. They were both talking and couldn't notice us. My brother's eyebrows were furrowed. I swallowed hard, hoping he wouldn't have heard what has happened today.

Simon let a deep sigh out besides me.

"That's bad, Stefan. Fletcher always figures out when I'm lying."

"Relax now, buddy. Just act all normal." that's what Damon used to tell me when I've made a mess somewhere in the house and aunt Sarah has just found it.

We came closer and they both finally turned around, still with serious expressions on their faces. Something wasn't right but I couldn't figure out what it was.

"Hey there, fellas" Fletcher leaned down and ruffled our hairs. I noticed Damon smiling in the back. He didn't smile often and I missed that. "What's up?" Simon bended his head down and before I could poke him in the ribs so he would get back to his smiley role Fletcher has figured out that something is wrong. Fortunately he noticed Simon's shoes and got distracted for a moment. I think my friend has put the wrong shoe on the wrong feet and Fletcher throw a look at Damon, then took Simon up in his hands and moved him to one of the benches besides so that he could fix it. My brother leaned down to fix my own shoes as well and I took the hat he has given me off my head.

"Damy" I stretched my hand towards him. "Here's your hat."

"No, you keep it on now, Stef." he said with a sad voice and I put it back on. "And I've told you not to call me Damy million times."

"How come you can call me Stef and I got to say nothing about it?" I protested and he moved his glance up still smiling.

"You can't even fix your hat right!" he scolded me and fixed it while I let a sigh out.

When Simon's shoes were fixed we were ready to get home. The Fells lived two streets away from our house which meant we were going in the same direction.

Thankfully our brothers were too busy talking again so me and Simon stayed in the back and often stopped to watch at the shop-windows since we were beyond hungry.

"Damon can't we go get a burger tonight?" I asked hoping that he's got some money so that we wouldn't have to eat aunt Sarah's soup.

"No." he answered abruptly and kept talking to Fletcher.

"Just some french fries then?" I asked again hoping that this time I would change his mind, but he just turned around and gave me one of his cold denying stares. I let a sigh out and Simon pulled my jacket to one of the toy store's windows. There was a new rifle out. We both loved playing solders and when we were in his house we would hide and aim from every possible corner. I loved playing this, but I've already broken all the guns I had. Simon did too. So now we were both staring at this beautiful long black toy placed in the middle of all the other boy's stuff. How I wish I could have it for Christmas!

"How cool would be to have this?" asked Simon.

"Super cool!" we both let a sigh out, wishing that we could have the one thing we wanted. Actually, no..I change my mind. The one thing I want is something I could never have again-my mom.

"Simon! Stefan! Come back here, right now!" Fletcher called us and I realized we've separated from them and if they haven't thought about us we would've lost them. I caught Simon's hand and we ran towards them. They scolded us some more and each caught our hands so that we wouldn't be able to get away again.

Both Simon and me went silent. Our thoughts ran back to the fight with Kol today and we kept exchanging either confused or angry glances, because we were both mad and worried, wondering if this would keep happening every time we go to school.

"Why are you so silent today?" Fletcher asked and Damon's attention was brought back to us since I've noticed he has drifted away, probably thinking about whether or not father has come back home from work. Neither Simon nor me answered him. We were getting closer to their house and I knew that once we part our brothers would probably forget about asking us anything. I guess I was wrong this time.

"Simon?" Fletcher leaned down to my friend who's head was bend down, he was afraid to face him and I noticed Damon throwing me a questioning glance as well. He could figure something wasn't right. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, brother. I'm just hungry is all." he said and Fletcher furrowed his eyebrows but decided not to push him any further for which I was beyond happy. He stood up and Damon and him exchanged a few words from which I couldn't understand what exactly they were talking about so I patiently waited for them to finish and waved my friend goodbye with an assuring smile.

Damon didn't say anything until we got home. I couldn't figure out what was going on with him. Maybe he was just sad about something? Or tired? I couldn't understand, but I was scared to ask him right away since I knew that when he was mad he either didn't respond or he told me that now is not the time to fool around. I didn't like seeing him like this and I tightened my grip around his hand just to try and show him that it was all fine, whatever it was, he smiled as he was opening the door and that somehow made me calm down. Once we got inside however he put his hand on my shoulder, trying to help me get my bag down, but instead I jumped surprised and confused from the fact that he had touch the place where I hurt myself today when Kol pushed me to the wall.

"Ah!" I tried not to cry out, but it was too late, he has already figured out something was wrong and he has caught my hand.

"What the hell was that for, Stefan?" I tried getting away but he only tightened his grip "In our room. Now!" he opened the door and I ran inside, hurrying to get to my bed. I could feel the tears on my cheeks. I had no idea why but I felt scared as I was trying to sit on my bed.

"Damon" I cried out pleading him, not even sure for what.

He figured that I'm scared but there was this determination in his look so he leaned down and pulled out my sweater.

"It's fine." he said "Let me see, ok?" now his voice was calming and he gently touched my other shoulder, making me lean towards him so he could see my back. "Jesus, Stefan! What have you done?" his voice was very quiet now. I knew he was angry and confused.

"I'm sorry." I said. "I tripped over today."

**Damon's POV**

"You're lying. No one trips on their back, dummy." I pointed out knowingly as I was still looking at his shoulder. His whole right side was blue. Someone has pushed him, I wasn't dumb. He was silently crying, his big tears were falling on his dirty shabby jeans. "Lie down on your belly, Stefan." I instructed him and went to get one of the bean packages from the fridge. Thankfully our father still wasn't home. I knew aunt Sarah was in a rush today because her kids had some kind of performance at school. She has left a note on the kitchen table but I didn't even bother reading it. I was too busy thinking about my brother. I knew something wasn't right when me and Fletcher picked them up today, they were just too quiet and Simon seemed on the verge of crying. I came back and found him still quietly sobbing with his face towards the window. He was always ashamed when he cried. I ran my fingers through his hair and put the package on. He immediately tried to get away but I caught his healthy shoulder and put him back down.-Don't you even think about it, Stefan. You need to stay like this for a while.

"But it doesn't hurt me." he lied again, still trying to get rid of me, but my grip was tight. It was for his sake. "Damon, please."

"Stefan, calm the fuck down." I cursed in front of him and I mentally slapped myself on the forehead, but at least I made him remain still. He could figure from the tone of my voice that I was mad. "You want to be a real soldier?" I started now quietly. I've figured that when my voice is down he always understands me and lets my words sink in. When I was yelling and being angry he just got scared and completely shut himself off. "Soldiers endure all kinds of pain. They let the rain fall on them and sink their clothes, they live through the coldest nights or the biggest heat. They have scars and bruises to prove how brave they are just like you right now."

"I'm like a soldier now?" he asked hopefully and I let a relieved sigh out-he has stopped crying.

"Yeah, you are." I smiled, but he didn't return me with the same. "Wanna tell me what happened today?"

He let a sigh out and avoided my look, but after a few minutes he finally decided to speak up, realizing that I won't leave him alone.

"Soldiers also help other people, don't they, Damon?" he asked instead of giving me simply the truth. It suddenly became quite clear to me. Fletcher told me today that Evan has pissed off Klaus the other night and now things were going upside down.

"You helped Simon?" I asked and he nodded slowly "Was it that Kol boy?"

"He always makes fun of us. I just don't like that. And then I called him a bad word." now he was suddenly talkative, once he realized that it's going to be all fine.

"What bad word?"

"You know…a bad bad one." he made me smile.

"I don't know, Stef. Tell me!"

"Well…you know…" he was nervous "An asshole." I barely kept myself from bursting out loud. I knew that mother always made sure Stefan doesn't use dirty words, but I've never in my life been more proud of him. I wasn't supposed to show it though.

"Well don't you ever use that word again, brother" I started seriously now "You are better than the Mikaelsons. You're a good person and good people don't fall to the stupid people's level, you understand me?" he was staring at me now, carefully listening to every word I was saying. "The thing is, that in life things work out like this. There'll always be people like Kol, you just have to be smarter than them, do you understand?" I have no idea why I was giving him advices that I myself wasn't really believing in. I always acted on my emotions-if they hit me I hit them back, if they insulted me, I insulted them back and if they picked up on my brother I sure as hell find a way to get it back. The point was that Stefan was just a kid and he was supposed to learn how to react when he grows up. I'm not sure my way was the right way, but I wasn't about to change-he could be different though.

"I think I do." he said after a while and tried to get up again, but I pushed him back down.

"Lie down a little more. I'm going to go buy us burgers. Aunt Sarah left us money." suddenly there was a big smile on his face. I loved how kids could change so rapidly, how they could enjoy the smallest things in life. I felt like I've lost this.

"Really?" he asked excited as if it was Christmas morning and he was opening his presents.

I nodded and put a blanket over him.

When I got back he has dozed off. I guess he was too tired. Father still wasn't home. I assumed he was drinking in his favorite bar again which was simply the best option since I was sure he wouldn't be back until after midnight. I went around the house, trying to find where Stefan has left Lincoln, because I was sure he would want it back tonight before we got to bed and I found him under the washing machine after half an hour of desperate searching. When I came back to our room Stefan was just waking up and I picked up the bag with the burgers from the floor which made him jump up out of bed with a big smile on his face.

He was so hungry I gave him half of mine as well and smiled as I watched him unmercifully destroying the food in front of him while Lincoln was sitting in his lap and he was explaining something very eagerly to him.

Tonight for the first time this week he didn't woke up from a nightmare.


	3. Chapter 3

**Damon's POV**

"Damyy! Damy, wake up! Come on, brother!" Stefan was jumping up and down my bed and he nearly smashed my feet. He was full of enthusiasm and energy again, completely indifferent to the big bruise on his shoulder which made me a bit relieved-at least he wasn't feeling any pain. Other than that I wanted to kill him right now. It was a Saturday morning and all I wanted was to sleep until noon and do nothing all day, yet he was desperate to wake me up.

"Stefan if you don't get out of this bed in five seconds I will fucking kill you!"

"You said fucking, Damy! You can't say fucking!" he said with the same cheerful voice and continued jumping around me. When I didn't make a move he stopped and shoved his little head under my arm. "Damy? Are you ok?"

"I just want to sleep, Stefan! Get the hell out of here!"

"You said hell! And you can't-"

"I can say whatever on earth I want. Now get out of here before I get up and get my revenge."

"Damy, Simon called me! He asked me to go to his house so we can play. Can I go?"

I let a deep sigh out and stood up a bit, he moved on my belly and gave me a big pleading smile. There was a lollipop in his mouth, probably one of those that aunt Sarah hid in the highest cupboard in the kitchen so that he wouldn't be able to get them. He often had to get up on a chair so that he could reach it and once he even fell and bruised his nose which made him look like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer which made me laugh and mock him for about a week until he started crying which made me feel bad so I just had to..stop. Even if he was so sweet and funny back then. He was drooling on his newly washed sweater and he had forgotten to put any socks on. I wondered when he got up.

"Only until noon! Then you come back here, aunt Sarah wants to take us shopping."

"But I don't wanna go shopping!" he said disappointed.

"Stefan, you tore your only pair of jeans last week-you need clothes!"

"That was by mistake." he protested. "And I still have this one" he looked down to the ones he had put on now, that were too big for him so aunt Sarah made him wear them only in the house.

"You go until noon, end of discussion! Or do you not want to go at all?"

"No, no, Damy, I want to go!"

"Don't call me Damy." I said tiredly and lied back down while he leaned on top of me and rested his small blond head on my chest. He often did that ever since mother died. There was no one to show him affection anymore so he was desperately trying to find it from whoever was willing to pay him some attention. I've seen him with Simon's parents-they were good people and they often hugged him and played with him when he was there, that's why he enjoyed going in the first place. He wanted someone to love him.

I would love nothing but to give him affection though right now he was seriously drooling on my T-shirt.

"Do you want cereal, Damon?" he asked after a few calm and peaceful minutes in which I almost fell back to sleep. "I can make you some."

"No, Stefan." he was a sweetheart when he wanted something, I'll give him that. But he always put too much milk in it. That was when he didn't spill it all over the table. "Is dad home?"

"Yeaah" he mumbled through his lollipop "He's in the kitchen and he scared me."

"What?" I stood sit abruptly "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing, Damy. He just told me to get out of there because I moved the chair pretty loudly when I tried to reach my lollypop and so he woke up pretty mad. He smells yucky again." that was his synonym for " drunk". I let a deep sigh out. I hated it when father wasn't at work, he either spent his day watching TV and drinking all day long at home or went outside somewhere. I prayed for the second today.

"Go get ready, Stefan. I'll take you to the Fells. " I instructed him and he hopped up happily out of the bed only to run towards the wardrobe and search for his socks. I stood up slowly and looked around for my jeans. Our room was a mess-Stefan's toys were all over the floor mixed with clothes and even a few cups full of water here and there because he often got thirsty during the night or started coughing and I woke up to give him a hand. The old shabby desk was full of his drawings and my stuff for school as well as a bowl of cereal which I'm pretty sure has been here for a couple of weeks. Mother always made us clean our room but ever since she was gone we stopped doing it. Aunt Sarah did her job every now and then when she had free time, because she was seriously doing more than she should be for us. Even though she was a pain in the ass I admit that I can't even begin to understand how she manages to deal with two houses and even go to work.

"Damon, are you going out with Alaric today?" my brother asks cautiously with his head still buried in the pile of clothes in the wardrobe. He knew that we usually went out on Saturday or I went down to Alaric's neighborhood to drink beer and fool around, or just watch some game.

"Yeah, probably." I finally found my jeans just as he moved away from the wardrobe only to give me a sad expression. He knew that aunt Sarah will take him with her if I go out and he hated it.

"Can't I stay with Simon longer then?"

"No, Stefan, you can't." I headed towards the kitchen, but then remembered something and stopped by him. He looked so sad now. His happy expression and enthusiasm from when he woke up were completely gone now. "Oh stop pouting, you're a big boy now. And change this thing, you look like you're homeless." I moved up his sweater and made him turn around to see how his bruise was. He was silent the whole time, scared that I'll scold him again somehow for which right now I had no power. I stood up and picked him some relatively decent clothes, then helped him get dressed while he was desperately trying to finish his lollypop and made it even harder for me. "Go put your shoes on while I get ready."

He nodded slowly, obviously still a bit sad and went in the hallway so he could find his shoes in the mess of pairs out there. I opened the kitchen door and made him a sign not to follow me. If father was sober then it meant he was in his worst mood. As I finally enter I turn around only to find him lying in the kitchen couch staring at the TV screen. He has gained a lot of weight lately and his eyes are bloody. He notices me and a grunt escapes his mouth.

"Boy." he says with his hoarse voice and slowly moves up. There's half an empty beer bottle in his hand, probably the last one "You going out?"

"Yes." I answer him coldly and get to the fridge so I can take a few sips of milk before we head outside. He stands up and moves to the chair, I don't think he can stay up for a long time. It's still a miracle to me how he manages to go to work.

"You're gonna buy me beer." he sais as an order. As if I'm a waiter who's only purpose is to supply him with never-ending amount of alcohol and not his son.

"I don't have money." I respond still with the same voice while speaking up the truth-I really had none left. Usually aunt Sarah gave us some but I spent them all last night for dinner. Father never considered giving us money-he usually drank half of his salary and the other half aunt Sarah managed to get away from him so that she could pay the bills. Usually during that time of the month there were big rows in our house, because it was getting harder and harder to make him pay for anything, he said that there was no point in giving his money " for those stupid little bastards that don't do anything".

"Sarah didn't give you anything?" he asks in disbelief, clearly frustrated that he'll have to dig in his own pocket.

"No." he stands up and tosses a few bucks on the table

"You go now" he adds and that gets me completely mad.

"I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want." He suddenly gets mad and throws me a deadly look. I turn around to face him completely fearless of what he might do next. I'm not a person who gets easily scared, not by a man who doesn't even care to call me by my name.

"What did you just say?" he speaks slowly now, doesn't seem drunk at all, the rage in his eyes is suffocating me. He comes closer, but I don't make a step back. "Who the fuck do you think you are, boy?"

"Someone you don't give a fuck about. Which is why I can do whatever I want. " that gets him even more mad and he pushes me with his strong dirty from the grease hand and for a moment I stagger.

"Damon!" I hear my brother's scared voice and watch him enter the kitchen cautiously. Father doesn't even bother to turn around, he's too busy staring at me with his dead red eyes. I can't believe this is the man who used to take me down for a walk on a Sunday morning all those years ago. I don't know why I even bother looking for him right now, he's obviously gone, dead. As my mother was. That was the ultimate truth-Stefan and me-we had no one anymore, we were complete orphans and the fat, tired, barely alive guy who lived on liquor and smelled like the garbage outside was nothing but an empty shell-he had no soul, not a care in the world and he was slowly walking towards his own certain demise.

How do this happen to people? How do they lose themselves so much that they can't even have the slightest desire to keep going on. How could someone hate his own children? How could he not care about us? How could he not even speak to us when we were living in the same house? Why isn't there an answer for those things out there?

"Stefan, get out of here." I say through teeth without removing my eyes from father. This staring has turned into a competition now. He comes closer now and I hear Stefan's small feet rushing towards us, he catches fathers leg and holds it still with all his strength.

"You leave my brother alone." he says loudly. I don't think I've ever heard him talk so loud, he's usually so calm and silent that he actually surprises me. Father finally turns around and pays him attention, then tries to get rid of him by shaking his leg, as if my little brother is an animal and not a real person, not his kid.

"Get out of here, boy." he leans down and rips Stefan away from him with too much strength which is why he falls down on his butt and that makes me go out of my mind. I push father in the chest now while he's still distracted and for a moment when he turns back to me I'm sure we'll get into a big fight, but Stefan stands up quickly and comes by my side.

"Damon, come on. Please, come on." he pleads with a crying voice.

"Giuseppe!" aunt Sarah's cold voice cuts the tension in the room in a matter of seconds. My father turns abruptly towards the door while I don't make a single move. I haven't even heard her come inside, I guess I was just too lost in what was going on here. Stefan was still tugging my t-shirt, pleading me to get away, even though there wasn't anything scary anymore. He was terrified though, I noticed that his tiny legs were shaking, he was scared that father would do something to me. Only now did I notice that he has started silently crying, without even letting a sound out, there were big tears coming down his face. "Leave those kids alone!" she continued with the same angry intonation and our father stepped back. I don't know how she was doing it but she always managed to scare the hell out of him. I don't think that even mother had that much power over her husband as aunt Sarah had over her brother-in-law. She hated his guts, just as I did. And I know it was a wrong thing to say because he was my father and we shared the same blood, but I just couldn't help myself and feel anger and hatred towards this man before us.

Father started mumbling something about aunt Sarah and headed towards the couch, while I picked up the still crying Stefan who hugged himself in my chest. My stomach clenched when I saw him like this. He continued to quietly sob in me embrace.

"Damon, get out of here" aunt Sarah said and for the first time in months I didn't oppose her. I took Stefan to our room and lied down in bed with him. He was still crying, I guess he was just letting the fear get to him right now because he shook slightly even when I never let him out of my embrace.

"Shh, Stef, it's fine. " I kept trying to sooth him but he just wouldn't stop and I felt this anger towards father rise up again in my chest and burning everything inside me. "Hey, hey!" I make him look up to me "What are you afraid of? Why are you crying? " I ask him gently and for a moment when I meet his sad green eyes all I see there is pain and sadness and that burns a whole in my heart. For a certain minute there I actually thing my own hands started shaking.

"I just don't want him to hurt you, Damy." he whispers "I'm scared that he'll hit you." my heart clenches again. He's not even thinking about himself, he's afraid about me. He wants me to be safe.

"He won't hurt me. He won't hurt you either, I promise you that. " he stops crying but he keeps hugging himself in me, his grip is tight as he's still afraid to let me go.

I want to cheer him up somehow, I hate to see him like this. He has always been a ball of sunshine, an energetic and lively kid, even when he was staying away from all the fun the other kids were having. He used to drive me insane. And not insane like this morning-God, that was nothing, he used to be unstoppable, always following me whenever I went, always silently smiling, now he was only silent. I haven't seen him genuinely smile in such a long time-he wasn't a happy kid anymore and neither was I. Our mother's death has changed our family and I could see that, I could sense it and even though I was desperately trying to do something about it I couldn't-it was all slipping away. My father was on the self-destroying path and my little brother was shutting himself off this world. And I couldn't do a damn thing to change that.

"I don't wanna go to Simon's anymore." Stefan said sadly and tore himself away from me, only so he could go to the chair against my bed and get Kennedy. Then he hugged him tight under his arm.

"Then you and me will go outside, yeah? And I'll buy you something to eat, huh? Maybe one slice of that chocolate pie from the corner's sweet shop, what do you say?"

"I'm not hungry." he responded and I stood up by his side, wondering how I'll make him change his mind when he continues silently "But I would like to go outside with you." I smiled and put my hand on his little shoulder.

"Fine, now let me just get ready and we'll leave. " I say and he nods slightly. Aunt Sarah opens our door carefully, as if she's afraid she'll shatter the room down if she enters when the only thing she could actually manage to see here is two broken boys.

"We're going out" I tell her trying to sound casually, but instead of responding she nods me towards the door, because she obviously wants us to talk . I leave Stefan on the floor, still holding Kennedy and looking at the window with the same sad and tortured expression. I slowly close the door behind me and she instantly puts her hand on my shoulder just as I've done a little while ago with my brother-it was her desperate attempt to show me her support.

"Your father's in his bedroom, he won't bother you anymore." I nod understandingly and bow my head down to my bare feet, somehow a little ashamed to meet her look. Ashamed of what? Of my own father? Jesus Christ, how did this happen? "Damon, you shouldn't start fights with him, especially when I'm not here."

"But aunt Sarah he-"

"I know" she interrupted me with a stern voice now. She desperately wanted me to listen to her "But you have to forget your anger, this isn't only about you-it's also about your Stefan. What if he hits you or him someday when I'm not here? This boy can't see his brother getting beaten up by his own dad. Your life is screwed up enough already, you have to look pass those things for the sake of both of you, do you understand?"

"He's getting me out of my mind. He doesn't give a damn about us" I raise my voice for a minute before remembering that Stefan could actually still hear us.

"You're just so stubborn" she shakes her head with a sad smile "But you have to swallow your pride. I don't want to come here one day only to find you two more broken and screwed up than you already are. I'm trying, Damon" she spoke slowly now, trying to make me understand her "I am trying. You have to try as well, yeah?"

"Yeah…I will."

"Good. " she smiled and smoothed my hair. She loved doing that ever since I was a little boy. She never did that with Stefan, though. "Now do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"No, I'm taking Stefan outside, he needs to get out of here for a while, he's too startled."

"Fine. But don't take too long. And put some warm clothes on. I'm going to clean up here while you're gone. You room is a mess."

I nodded and she went back to the kitchen while I entered our room to finish dressing Stefan and myself. He was still extremely silent and didn't want to put Kennedy aside so we had to take him outside with us. The day was relatively warm, there was even some sun, which was a disappointment for my little brother who loved playing in the snow.

"Damy?" he asked silently, barely audible "What happens to people when they die?" my initial enthusiasm for his willingness to speak disappeared into thin air once I heard his question.

"We've talked about this, Stef. More than once."

"Tell me again." he begged. He needed conformation every time, not that he didn't trust me, I guess he just needed reassurance that I won't change my words.

"They go up in the night sky and become shiny stars. And every time you look up there you can see them." he was looking up now, wondering about something. His tiny eyebrows were furrowed, he was trying to figure something out.

"But what about during the day? What if you need to see them during the day and they are not there?"

I knew what was this all about-he missed mom. He wanted her here and she was nowhere to be found. And even though he has partly accepted that she will never be back, he still had his doubts and questions. Maybe he still believed that she could somehow come through our front door and give him a kiss goodbye.

I leaned down and caught his shoulders.

"Stefan, mom will always be with us no matter what. She's here" I took his hand and put it on his heart "She's with you, because she loved you and you loved her right back. You can't see her anymore and I know that it's confusing, but that doesn't mean she's gone for good. She'll be with you for the rest of your long happy life, do you understand?"

He nodded slowly and I stood up.

"Now let's go buy you something, huh? What do you say about that?"

"Yeah" he sounded a bit more cheerful now and I let a deep sigh out.

We took a left turn and headed downtown-we could see families with their children, young and old couples staring at shop windows, beautiful colorful Christmas decorations-we observed the life around us. And yet somehow I felt like we're not participants in this happy existence at all.

It was as if we were both staring from behind.

**A/N: I would appreciate your opinions on this since I'm not sure I should keep going with it. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Damon's POV**

I'm rushing towards the the Fells house since it's almost dark outside and I've left Stefan there for too long. I'm beyond pissed off that I got myself detention today and had to stay hours after the classes were over. Thanks God that Fletcher was good enough to take care of my brother, because I had no idea how long he would've had to wait for me alone in the school hallway, wondering where I am. I was practically running by now, even though there was no point in hurrying at all, I just wanted to see him so that he wouldn't be scared that I would leave him alone. Once when there was no one to pick him up again he stayed outside on the benches in the school yard, cried silently and eventually fell asleep, until one of the teachers found him and took care of him. Ever since mother died he was afraid that someone else will leave him like she did and it drove him to an edge-he became desperately silent. I was hoping that now that he was with Simon they would be playing so he wouldn't be upset and as I approached their house I realized that for the first time in a very long period I might actually be right, since I could hear their loud screams from the inside-they were having fun, and probably driving the whole house insane. I knocked on the door harshly, feeling a little bit more relaxed and waited patiently until Fletcher opened the door and smiled at me.

"Hey, Damon." he was always so good with other people. I think him and Simon were very much alike-they were good and kind-hearted. Fletcher was always willing to help people, he was always giving up things for the other members of this family and he cared so much about Simon that it hurt. I honestly envied him a bit for handling Simon so well. I had problems with Stefan sometimes, it was hard to make him talk or to figure out what he was hiding or what was torturing him, Fletcher never had this problems, even though his youngest brother wasn't very talkative as well. Then again Fletcher was two years older than me, maybe he knew more about how to handle certain situations or maybe he was able to figure it out better than I do. Anyway, he wasn't struggling with that at all and I think he was a very good older brother. He could scold Simon without making him cry or feel bad, but like..making him understand that a certain thing shouldn't be done, while when I scolded Stefan he just bent his head down and wouldn't talk, because he thought he has done something completely wrong and needs to shit his mouth. That's why I was looking up to Fletcher in a certain way, even though I wasn't at all a person who likes to learn from other people-my pride was just too big. "Come on in!" he said friendly.

"No, I can't stay, we are too late anyway." I tried to decline his invitation

"Oh come on, just for a bit. I'll need your help tearing those two apart, they are turning the house upside down." he smiled and I entered unwillingly. The Fells weren't rich, but their house definitely looked better than ours. Fletchers clothes though were very old and shabby, probably belonging to one of his brothers, since they looked so worn out. He and his brothers tried to dress Simon good though, even if they looked as if they were homeless. It was important for them that he can at least appear nice and clean, since other kids were making fun of him all the time. Their parents, as far as I knew, worked most of the time. The eldest brother-Evan has started helping his father as well this year so he wasn't around much. I guess Fletcher was the one to take care of the gang when they were all home, which as I knew from personal experience, wasn't easy. We entered their living room and I saw my brother running up and down the room while Simon was trying to catch him-they were playing soldiers again. Stefan was smiling and that made me do the same. I noticed Fletcher's eyes on me.

"Thanks for today" I said silently

"It's not a problem, really. Your brother is a nice kid and easy to take care of." I nodded slowly. Stefan wasn't a troublesome boy. He was sometimes a little overexcited, but he didn't make stupid stuff, especially not when someone else was watching over him. I've told him before-that he should always behave outside the family, that he should act properly and I guess, he remembered that. "Why did you get detention?"

"I had a rough time with one of the Mikaelsons at P.E today. Did Simon tell you that the youngest one is teasing them?" I looked at him both with expectation and curiosity.

"No." he furrowed his eyebrows and his whole posture changed. He suddenly tensed "What happened?"

"I don't know the details. Stefan wasn't very willing to talk about it. I just thought it would be a good idea to remind them that they can't act like that with someone from my family."

We remained silent for a minute until Stefan finally noticed me and ran towards only to jump in my embrace.

"Daaaaamon!" he yelled out happily. "You came for me."

"Of course I came for you buddy. I will always come for you." he hugged me tight and then turned towards me with a pleading expression.

"Damy, can you buy me some candies on the way home?" my heart clenched for a moment. I didn't have a dime in my pocket. Lately we were pretty bad in the money department since aunt Sarah had more expenses this month and she was struggling when it came to giving us pocket money, which is why I didn't want to pressure her in any way. She bought us some clothes after all last week and she spent a lot on making sure we are both warm enough in the coldest days.

"No, Stefan, I don't have any money now. Plus you had candies last week, you shouldn't eat that much." I let him down on the ground and his disappointed look made me feel even worse. "Go get dressed, we're leaving." I instructed him and he went on to find his jacket. I noticed Fletcher's look back on me and I wished I could leave already since I was very embarrassed by what has just happened.

"I love to see my brother like this" Fletcher started speaking very silently, as if he wanted to make sure I was the only one to hear him, though the boys before us have lost themselves in their own world again "Happy." he simply said as if it was the word that made it all just fine. "His sight is getting worse with every year" he continued sounding more and more serious , I noticed Stefan holding his friend's hand and leading him to the couch, which made me swallow hard. "The doctors say he'll be completely blind before he even goes in his teenage years. So that's why I want to make sure he sees many things now so he could remember them, I want him to feel happy, to have what he craves for, to give him what I can. Me and my brothers-that's what we're trying to do. He never asks what's going on with him, but I think he feels it. Kids are smarter than we suppose, don't you think?" I nod slightly in agreement, this conversation is making me uncomfortably sad. "Simon really likes playing with Stefan." he added it as a statement, as if I didn't knew it already.

"Stefan surely likes it as well" I spoke up for my brother, to make sure Fletcher knows, that their friendship is mutual. I don't know why I had the desperate need inside me to assure him about that. My look fell back on the boys, who have finally calmed down and were peacefully watching TV on the couch. Stefan seemed sleepy, he was probably getting tired.

"Look, Damon." I turned back to Fletcher "Evan and me, we were supposed to go deal with some work this weekend at the Jim Anderson's farm, you know it right?"

"Yeah, it's outside town."

"Yeah. But Evan's has to work with dad so I still need a person to help me make some deliveries and chop some woods, stuff like that. What do you say? I'll give you half of what we're paid. "

"Really?" I asked in disbelieve. I liked Fletcher and we talked sometimes, but I never thought he would be willing to make me such a favor. Maybe he felt sorry for me, now that I've turned Stefan down about the candies, though I knew he wasn't the kind of person to pity another one. Whatever the reason was, I surely didn't plan to turn his offer down. "Okay then." I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile "I promise I'll do my best."

"I'm sure you will. If you have problems leaving Stefan to someone you can-"

"No, my aunt will take him." I interrupted him a bit too abruptly "She usually takes us to her house in the weekends anyway."

"Good. Then I'll see you tomorrow, here at eight ok?"

"Sure. Thanks a lot." he nodded understandingly and I called Stefan one more time. It took me a few minutes to get him ready. He was strangely silent again. Fletcher went to the kitchen for a moment and just as we were about to leave he leaned down to my brother and took a lollipop out of his back pocket.

"Here you go, Stefan" he stretched his big rough hand towards my brother, who hesitated before taking it and looked up for me, waiting for approval. Once I nodded in agreement he took the lollipop and held it tightly.

"Thanks, Fletcher." he spoke silently while Fletcher ruffled his hair playfully.

We walked slowly towards our house, Stefan was tired. He wouldn't ask me to carry him though, because he still remembers that mother used to say he's too old to be carried.

"Damy where were you today? Fletcher said you got detention." he finally spoke up after we've passed a few blocks.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that, it won't happen again. I just had some troubles."

"Are you fine?" he asked, now sounding worriedly.

"I'm all good. Are you fine? Did you have fun with Simon?"

"Yeah, we had awesome time. Can we go out tomorrow so I can play with him in the park?"

"No, tomorrow I'm going to do some work with Fletcher. You'll stay with aunt Sarah." I had to break it to him, but it was better to do so now, instead to wake him up tomorrow and ruin his day from the beginning. At least now he could be prepared.

"And you won't be there?" he stopped and looked up at me with his big sad green eyes.

"No, I'll come back in the evening, when we're done."

"But I don't want you to go." he was stubbornly trying to persuade me now, even though he knew I won't bent. He hated staying at aunt Sarah because her daughters Emily and Jane were driving him insane. More like Emily because she liked to tease him while Jane was just a little baby girl-two years old, she couldn't really do anything to him…well except sometimes she pulled his hair, which I found awful.

"Stefan, come on now, don't act like a baby. I have to do this."

"But I thought you were gonna take me out! You promised me! We haven't been out in the park for a week!" he sounded as if he was about to start crying any minute now.

"Stefan, it's too cold outside anyway and you were coughing the previous night, I'm not taking you out. You need to stay inside." I really wasn't trying to console him with that, it was the truth, it's better to stay in now when it was so cold. Sometimes at night he's scaring the hell out of me when I can't calm his coughs. We weren't careful about him and I had this pit in my stomach that it would end up bad. I sure as hell wasn't up to watching him so sick as he was last winter.

He remained silent until we approached our door. He was angry with me, but I wasn't about to start trying to explain myself, if he was mad so be it, he is a kid and he can't understand my point now. Once he grows up, he hopefully will. I hated it when we were like that though, it made me sad to see him like this. The limp in my throat reminding me that I wasn't doing things right was growing bigger when we were on bad terms. I had a headache now though and I wanted to rest some since Alaric wanted me to pass by his house later.

Once we entered our small hallway I could tell aunt Sarah was here since it smelled like she's cooking, even though well…she was quite bad in it. I mean she had some nice meals, but in others she was a complete disaster.

We both entered inside and she greeted us with a big smile on her face. Stefan went by the table, silently opened his bag and took his crayons and notebooks out. He loved drawing.

"Stefan, you want some cereal, huh?" she asked and without even waiting for him to answer she put the bowl on the table. Surprisingly for me he left his crayons and started eating eagerly.

"Stefan, did you not eat at lunch again?" I asked with suspicion. I remember aunt Sarah giving him a sandwich.

"I diiiid." he answered and I knew he was lying because he always prolonged the words while doing so. I wasn't up to scolding him anymore though and left him be.

"You'll have to take him tomorrow" I turned to her "I have some stuff to do, I can't take care of him."

"What stuff?" she furrowed her eyebrows. She was afraid I would get into some kind of trouble again.

"I'm helping Fletcher Fell get a job done." her tensed posture relaxed and she looked at me with approval, which totally surprised me. She wasn't a person, who would praise me just like that, I guess she was in a good mood today. Father was nowhere to be seen, which meant that he's probably still at work or already in his favorite place, getting drunk.

"Stefan, come on you gotta read me some today as well.' she said and took the now empty bowl away. He looked at me, begging for help. She made him practice every day and even though he was silently agreeing to it and that he loved books, he wasn't up for it today.

"Aunt Sarah, it's Friday, let him be." I tried, but she just ignored me and put the book in front of my brother.

"I don't wanna read today" he spoke up for himself and gave her a pleading glance.

"Just a little and then I'm letting you go. " he let a deep sigh out once he realized he won't get away with it and then he bowed his head down to the book, trying to find the page he has last read from. I left the doors to the kitchen and our room open and lied down in my bed. I could hear him struggling to read and aunt Sarah scolding him impatiently. Eventually I drifted away, tired from the long day in school, hoping that tomorrow things will look somehow better.

**Stefan's POV**

I was glad that it was finally Sunday and that we were soon to get back home. My brother has left me alone here and the girls tortured me all Saturday long. At least their father took them away today so I could watch TV and draw in peace. I was so angry with Damon, I wanted to be with him, to go out with him and he said that we can't do that.

He got home late last night when I was already sleeping and then again when I woke up he was out again. I missed him, even when it was for a short period of time. Aunt Sarah was a bit tough with me yesterday, because I didn't want to eat at dinner since I wasn't hungry and that made her go insane. Sometimes she was like this, I think that the girls are giving her a hard time as well. It's not easy to raise girls…I think they talk too much. But then again Damon says I don't talk at all so maybe that's why I don't get them.

It was getting late in the afternoon and everyone were sleeping so I thought I could go out in the garden and have some fun outside. I put my jacket on, since Damon always reminded me to do that, and silently got outside. I liked playing in that backyard, though now there wasn't any snow, even though Christmas was approaching, which made me a bit sad.

Aunt Sarah had a dog-Martin, who was an Irish setter. He was really nice and I loved playing with him. They didn't keep him inside because Emily was a bit allergic to dogs and he was just so little that I felt bad for him being out in the open in that weather. Damon said that dogs are all fine outside and that they don't get sick like people, but I still felt bad for Martin. I don't think aunt Sarah wanted him in the first place. I think they gave him to her as a gift and she couldn't just refuse it or take it back so now she had to bear with him, just like she was bearing with me and Damon. She never really wanted more kids, but now she had to deal with us, even though I knew sometimes she hated it. Damon said she is just too tired sometimes, but I feel like we're bothering her and I wish I wouldn't be a problem for her, but since I'm little and has to be taken care of, I can't do anything to change that, not now. Damon could at least go and do whatever on earth he wants, while I have to stay inside and do as I'm told. And yet I do it, because I don't want to be a trouble to her.

"Heyyy, Martin. Good boy" I lean down and hug him. He's on a leash but he's happy to see me and he start jumping. Then he licks my cheek and that makes me laugh out loud. Martin is the only thing here that I like. He's such a good dog. I feel like him sometimes-I feel lonely.

I play with him some and let him off the leash. I know that if aunt Sarah sees me she'll be mad, which is why I try to make him hide his excitement.

"Shhh, Martin, they'll hear us!" I put my index finger on my mouth and he understands me because he stops barking. He's a smart boy. We run up and down the garden and I suddenly get scared when I hear someone's voice from the back porch.

"Stefan!" it's my brother. I can guess it's him even when I'm not looking in his direction. My heart starts beating fast, I know he would scold me again, which is why I don't rush to turn around. Martin figures something's wrong so he sits down next to me and gives my brother a regretful look. I finally turn around as well only to see him standing on the porch with his hands crossed on his chest.

**Damon's POV**

Stefan's looking at me confused. I don't get why he is afraid of me. I am mad that he's out, but then again I didn't know my presence could make him tense so much. He knows he's done something wrong and he's not making a single move. At first I was about to start argue with him, but when I saw his face I change my mind. I slowly approach him and lean down, so I could see him since he has bowed his head.

"Heyy, buddy! Won't you give me a hug?" I ask pleadingly now and he suddenly looks up only to stretch his hands towards me. He holds me tight and doesn't want to let go. The dog is happily jumping all around us and I figure that I have to put it back on the leash before aunt Sarah has figured out he's been playing with it.

"I'm glad you're back, Damon." he whispers in my ear as if he's embarrassed to say it out loud.

"I'm glad as well, buddy." I let him go before he could choke me to death. "What are you doing outside, huh? You shouldn't be playing with Martin."

"I'm sorry." he says, but he knows I'm not mad, I'm just reminding him. I tie the dog and we head back inside. Somehow he still seems sad to me and when we go back to his room I get something from my pocket.

"Look what I've bought you!" he looks up at me confused until he realizes what this is.

"You bought me crayons!" he jumps up, trying to catch them, but I held them above his head.

"What do you do first?" he stops jumping and scratches the back of his head.

"Say thank you?" he furrows his little eyebrows, still not sure what I'm expecting from him.

"Nope."

"Promise you to eat my dinner no matter what?"

"Nope, Stefan, not that."

"Uhm….I don't know, Damy. Should I like make you cereal every Saturday or something else?"

"No, dummy, you have to draw me something with them!" I say finally and he laughs out loud before he finally manages to get a hold of them. His grip is tight-he's scared not to lose them so he's holding them tight as if they are crucial for his way of living. And I guess in some way they are. I managed to get a relatively good amount of money from this job or whatever I should call it, with Fletcher. He was very nice with me and I think he gave me more than I was supposed to get. I tried to argue with him, but he just shoved the money in my jacket pocket without giving me the opportunity to actually do something about it. We talked a lot these past few days.

Stefan ran towards the table and I noticed a bunch of drawings gathered already on the right side. He took out another paper and started drawing with the black crayon. He was quite good for his age. I mean his drawings weren't just disfigured people with ugly eyes, he really drew good. His teacher at school send a few of his stuff to a competition and some of his drawings were handing in the hallways. I've never been more proud of him. They said he should go to a drawing class, but we couldn't do that, not now when I barely found time to get him home after school. Plus aunt Sarah said it was pointless-drawing wouldn't teach him anything, she said. I was sure he enjoys it a lot, though and it made me happy to see him so concentrated. I was sure that if he goes to a teacher and they explain him some stuff he would be even better. I mean he couldn't even write properly yet, but he was drawing such cool and sweet stuff.

I took the pile up and started browsing through the pictures. He wasn't paying attention to me anymore, he was too deep in his own world, so I sat back on the bed and began looking at them. They must've been like fifteen or so which meant he really didn't have much to do this weekend. There was one with the girls sleeping on the kitchen couch, one of aunt Sarah cooking something in a frying pan, at least five with Martin in the backyard, which made me smile a lot, there were also a few with Simon-it was so nice how he drew his glasses, it made him look so sweet and happy, just as he was now and then after those ones I suddenly stopped. The smile disappeared from my face.

He has drawn two boys sitting on a big field, leaning on to each other- you couldn't see their faces, only their backs. One was taller, with dark black hair, the other was blond. It was night, there were stars in the sky, one shining brighter than the others. It seemed peaceful..but also sad.

"Stefan?"I ask and he turns around suddenly, waiting to hear my question.

"Yeah?"

"What's that?" I turn the drawing towards him.

"That's us watching mom up in the sky." he answers as if I'm the dumbest person on earth, unable to understand why I can't figure it out. I clear my throat uncomfortable and look back at it. "Don't you like it?" he asks with concern.

"I think it's great. We should put it in our room."

"Yeah?" he asks in disbelief. "I'm not sure it's good enough" my brother, always underestimating himself.

"It's good enough, Stefan." I say silently "It's definitely good enough."

He gives me one of his foolish childish smiles and I respond with the same, even though I feel so desperately sad from the inside.

Fletcher was right-they were smarter than we thought.

**A/N:Thank you for the nice reviews, guys! It means a lot to me. Hope you enjoy this one as well. ((: **


	5. Chapter 5

**Damon's POV**

"_Mommy, look at Stefan!" I yell as I watch my brother slowly making his steps towards the chair where our mother sat and wrote one of her recipes "I think he's getting better at this."_

_I notice Stefan giving me one of his toothless smiles and mother granting me a warm look. She stretches her hands and gets my little brother from the floor. He looks tired though, exhausted. _

"_Come here, Damon. You have to eat." she pulls me the chair and I hop up on it while she puts Stefan in his baby one against me. She keeps us away from each other, because otherwise I start poking him and he laughs so much that eventually he almost cries and mom has a hard time calming him down. He was a one year old little sweetheart that still cried at night, but I liked him. I wish he could be bigger, though, so we can play outside. _

_My mother comes gently by my side and puts a bowl of soup in front of me while also gently running her fingers through my hair. Stefan looks at us silently-he is observing._

"_Mom, when is Stefan gonna grow up so we can play catch together?"_

"_Damon, he barely walks" she laughs "You're gonna have to wait for that, sweetheart. You have to be patient with him. He's a little guy."_

_She went to the sink while I made a few funny faces at Stefan and he laughed out loud. I loved his laugher, it made mommy happy. And I really only wanted to make her happy since lately she was too sad, because of daddy. He wasn't coming home early after work anymore. I couldn't understand why, but he smelled bad. Momma says we have to wash everyday so we can smell good. I guess daddy doesn't do that. I wonder why mom can't make him do those stuff anymore if he can't make himself. _

"_Mom, look at Stefan! I think he has a new teeth!" I suddenly yell happy to make this realization. For an unknown reason Stefan also smiles without even knowing that he's the reason for my outburst. When she doesn't respond I turn around only to notice her leaning on the sink. "Mommy, are you fine?" she looked like her head hurt._

"_Damon." she says barely audible_

"Damon! Damy" I hear my brother's voice and suddenly sit straight in my bed. There's sweat coming down my face, I'm having a hard time catching my breath, as if I have ran for miles. I take a couple of minutes to realize that it was just a dream. A strange one-it was more like memory than anything else. Then I turn towards Stefan's bed only to see him tossing around in his bed. The blanket has fell on the floor and he has gripped his little teddy bear. His eyes popped up wide open when he realized that I was awake and even though it was dark I was able to see how tired he was. He must have been like this for a while.

I stood up now finally aware of all my actions, no more sleepy or confused, and get next to him.

"It's fine, Stefan." I whisper and raise him up, even though I know he doesn't want to go out of his warm bed. He has sweated as well-the white shabby t-shirt he slept with was wet on the back. "Why didn't you wake me up, buddy?" I ask while he keeps coughing as silently as he can in my embrace. I pick him up and go to turn the light on so I can find him clean clothes. He's so light, my hands don't even get tired from carrying him. He used to be heavy when he was little. I guess lately he has lost weight and that made me frown.

"I'm sorry, Damy." he whispered as he was finally able to catch a breath. He closed his eyes as the light went on and buried himself in the crook of my arm. I changed his shirt which turned out to be a hard job, because he wasn't up to helping me with it at all. I've taught him to do all those stuff as dressing and washing all by himself, but now he was just so sleepy that it hurt to watch him like this. I tossed a blanket over him and carried him to the kitchen.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Stef." I rubbed his back, trying to make him more comfortable now, but he didn't even make a move, that's how tired he was. I started making him tea, because that always made him feel better and sat back on the kitchen couch our father usually occupied. He was in the big bedroom now though, I could hear him snore. "Hey, buddy, don't fall asleep now." I ruffle his hair a little when I notice his eyes are closing "Stay with me a little more and then you'll sleep."

"I'm trying." he responds silently "I'm just tired, Damy."

I stood up to get the tea in his favorite cup while he kept either coughing or yawning in my hands.

"We gotta get you to the doctor soon. You've been doing this too much lately."

"No, please!" he suddenly straightens up and looks me in the eyes, almost on the verge of crying "I'm gonna stop I promise, Damy. Please don't take me there."

"It's not up to you, Stefan."

"Please, don't!" he suddenly gets upset. I know he hates doctors, especially since mother died. He's scared of them. "I'll do anything you want."

"Stefan, stop it now. You're a big boy now, don't act like a baby." I suddenly get mad at him for no reason and he sees I'm angry, which is why he leans back on my chest. He gets all silent and when I give him the cup he doesn't start drinking, because he thinks it's too hot. Instead he looks at me for help and I take a sip to show him that he's not gonna burn himself. He takes a few sips and leans back on me. "So you never told me what you want for Christmas?" I decide to change the subject so I can light up his mood some, but he doesn't even look up to meet my enthusiastic gaze.

"I don't want anything." he says quietly with a hoarse voice and takes another sip from the tea.

"What do you mean you don't want anything? That's Christmas!" I'm suddenly surprised, he was usually all eager and enthusiastic at this part of the year. He always loved the holiday and I mean…is there really a kid who doesn't want a present? "Didn't you wrote a letter in school to Santa Claus?

"We did" he responded a bit confused.

"And what did you ask for?"

"I asked for a gun so I can play soldiers with Simon. And crayons, but you already bought me that so I guess Santa won't bother with it." he shrugged his little shoulders and leaned back on me. I tucked him with the blanket, because he appeared to be too cold.

"So why did you say you didn't want anything then?"

"I don't know. I thought about it after we wrote the letters."

"And you changed your mind?"

"I just want to be with you, that's all." he said and closed his eyes again "But we're going to aunt Sarah so the girls will annoy me." I keep wondering how he manages to provoke so much emotions in me with just a few words.

"I'll keep them off your back, I promise." I knew he didn't want to go there, but we couldn't stay alone here on Christmas. Father probably wouldn't even be here and even if he was, that would be the worst celebration ever. We had no food, no Christmas tree and I wanted Stefan to feel the spirit of it all-it was too dark here, which is why I kept persuading him it will be all fine.

"Can we go out tomorrow, Damy?" he asked silently, still with his eyes closed. He was too tired to keep them up and yet he couldn't fall asleep. It was like something was torturing him from the inside.

"Depends on whether you're better." I responded and leaned back once he has drank his tea.

"I wish we could go outside" he said again "And play catch, but it's too cold now." he loved it when we threw the ball around for fun last summer. I thought him some stuff and he was quite happy with it. I think he's gonna like it when he grows up as well. "I want summer. And no school." he added sadly "I hate school."

"Hah" I gently ruffled his hair "I want that too buddy. I want that too." he remained quiet for a couple of minutes and I thought he has started to doze off, but instead he surprised me by searching out for my hand and opening his eyes just a little. I tightened my grip and he finally relaxed in my embrace.

We didn't need words, not now at least. We were alone in our cold kitchen, hugging each other so we could stay warm and slowly fall asleep. In a few minutes I finally heard his breathing ease. I lied down with him and he moved a little so he could get comfortable which made me smile. I realized I was tired as hell and before I knew it I felt myself drifting away.

**Aunt Sarah's POV**

I slowly opened the door of my sister's old house since I didn't want to wake the boys up, or their father for that matter, because I was definitely not up to arguing with him from the morning. The hallway was dirty and very dark since the boys just tossed their shoes whenever they could figure they should do that. It was hard to make them keep some kind of order in this house, most of the times they were here alone or at school and Damon took care of it all. He was doing too much stuff for a thirteen year old boy, I honestly felt very bad for him sometimes. He was stubborn and somehow a bit troublesome, but he was giving all his attention to Stefan-he was extremely selfless.

It reminded me of my sister a lot. She used to do the same for me, even though I was the older one. There are still days when I wake up and I wait for her to call me in the morning like she usually did. I find myself staring at my cell, desperately waiting for the screen to light up and it just doesn't. And I can't even seem to figure out why? That's how much I'm not on terms with her being gone.

The boys think I'm all serious and tough because I scold them a lot, but it's not like this at all. I just have to appear strong in front of them because they are looking up to me, expecting me to do the right thing, to help them when they can't deal with something, to look out for them.

In the beginning it was very hard, though. Every time I had to go to their house I had this pit in my stomach, that expectation that she'll just come out of the kitchen window before I've even approached the house and grant me one of her warm smiles that I know managed to recognize in Stefan.

It was a whole different life back then when she was still here. I would go to their house with my little Emily and I would hear the boys yelling from outside. They were happy, now both their faces are somehow different, sadder, even desperate. Stefan's childish kind smile was hard to see and Damon's face was so much more serious. He used to be so reckless back then, troublesome even. My sister knew she was going to have issues with him and now he was like another person. He took responsibility for Stefan, for everything around them actually. He often reminded me that certain bills needed to be paid or that there's nothing in the fridge, all stuff concerning the household. He took care of his little brother and I think he has forgotten that he has to take care of himself as well.

When my sister died it was hard for Stefan, but it was so much more hard for Damon. Stefan couldn't exactly understand what was going on, he has never had to face death in his life up until now and when we tried to explain to him that his mother is no longer here and she will never come back he looked at us confused and asked when he can see her. It broke my heart back then, now when I remember it sometimes, it makes me tear up. He was all dressed up in his little suit, black didn't suit him, it made him look so sad.

He looked up at Damon and asked what was going on, but Damon was just so ruined. He was simply devastated because he was older and he understood, he just understood it all and that completely broke him. He stopped talking at all for about three weeks after we buried her, I don't think he wanted to let it all sink in anyway. Stefan kept going to his bed and making him get up and asking him what is wrong, but Damon just pushed him away. Once Stefan realized that his mother is not coming back, he started crying a lot. He felt all alone and we did all the wrong things when it came to him-I scolded him to stop acting like a baby and Damon ignored him, consumed by his own grief and that left the kid crying himself to sleep every night.

After Damon got out of his initial shock, he started paying more and more attention to Stefan. He finally saw him and he realized how broken the boy was, so he threw all his efforts into making sure his brother gets better. I did that as well, though I was still quite scared for Damon and what he was going through. With time it got a little bit easier and things normalized as far as they could in such situation. Their father was making things worse for us all and Damon often got into fights with him when I was away, which scared me.

I was afraid for the boy, I didn't care about Giuseppe at all. He was an old drunk that continuously hurt my sister in the last few years before she died. He didn't use to be like that. He was kind and good to her. After Damon was born he paid so much attention to him, he took him out and brought my sister flowers every day after he come home from work. And then things changed. They turned upside down. And somehow he wasn't the man he was supposed to be anymore. He wasn't the husband or the father he was. He was just a man who slept there, who insulted them on numerous occasions or left them alone in important moments.

He missed half of his eldest son's childhood and I can't remember a moment he was ever there for Stefan. Still the kid didn't hate him. He was afraid of him, but he didn't hate him. One morning I found him picking up his father's blanket from the ground and trying to cover him back again and it totally broke my heart.

It was hard for me to deal with four kids and go to work, which was why sometimes I got angry at Stefan or Damon and cut them off too abruptly, without even giving them the chance to explain themselves. I believed that it was better to teach them how to deal with things from now, though, because they had to accept it-they had no one after their mother died and they had to learn how to do stuff on their own. I thought it would be much harder, but for the first time in my life I was actually wrong. Damon picked up on stuff very fast, he started doing half my job and he was very good at teaching Stefan what he should do. He wanted to make sure his younger brother can get things done even when neither one of us was there. So Stefan dressed himself alone, washed himself in the morning and knew how to make himself cereal. He still had troubles tying his shoes so we bought him ones without laces. He tore them fast, though and he apologized all evening for doing so.

Most of the time, even when I scolded him I realized that he is just a kid who needs affection. He liked to hug people, because he wasn't doing so often, he was loving and caring. But he was also serious and closed and sometimes Damon and me had problems figuring what was wrong with him.

When I ordered the shoes in the hallway and hanged my coat, I slowly opened their room door, but once was in there I actually realized their beds were empty. The blankets were tossed off and I figured they must be in the kitchen again, probably still sleeping. Lately Stefan woke up at night coughing and Damon took him to the kitchen so he could calm him down.

I opened the door, this one a little more abruptly, only to meet Damon's sleepy stare looking at me confused. Stefan was sleeping on his chest, tugged in his blanket. I carefully shut the door and came closer with my eyebrows furrowed. Damon slowly stood up and put his brother gently on the couch so he could continue sleeping, but Stefan's tired eyes popped up and he managed to notice me. He seemed very tired, though and I threw Damon a worried look, but he only shook his head. I kneeled down and gently stroke him on the head while he granted me a smile.

"Hey, Stefan. You sleepy, huh?"

"Yeah" he let a tired sight out and closed his eyes again, even though I wasn't sure he was sleeping at all. Damon and me observed him for a few minutes and then I stood up to fix him breakfast.

He stood up and got slowly to the kitchen table. Once he sat down he buried his hands in his hair. I think I had the tendency to forget that he's still a child himself, even though he was acting like an adult most of the times.

"We gotta get him to a doctor" he finally let out. "It's the third time in the last three nights he wakes up like this."

"I'll take him tomorrow." I assure him "Are you still going out with Fletcher?"

"Yeah, he wants me to help him again."

"Christmas is coming, Damon. Make sure you don't find yourself excuses to miss dinner, you understand?"

"I know. Only tomorrow and then I'm stopping." he whispered as not to wake his brother, though I am sure Stefan was too sleepy to wake up "I'm too tired for it anyway. "

"Good. And I expect you both dressed properly when you come home. Make sure you two look fine, we'll probably go to church."

He let an annoyed sigh out and I gave him a deadly look, which made him bow his head.

"Will we go to see momma too?" Stefan's silent voice from the couch made us both turn abruptly towards him. I thought he has fallen back. Or maybe he did, but now he woke again. He looked too pale, but he was already trying to get out of the blanket. He's been asking to go to the graveyard for a while now. Damon and me exchanged confused glances. I was aware that he wasn't very much up to it, he knew Stefan would be all sad after that. But so would be all of us.

"We'll see." I answer him vaguely while he slowly hops up on his chair.

"Damy?" he turns towards his brother in desperate attempt to find some support "You said nobody should be alone at Christmas so we gotta go right?"

"We'll see, Stefan. Now eat your breakfast."

"But Damy-"

"Stefan." he turned towards him with a serious intonation and Stefan got back to eating his breakfast silently. I immediately noticed the regret flashing in Damon's eyes, but he was too tired to let his guilt sink in more so he turned back to his own meal while I cleaned around them and made sure Stefan was dressed up warmly.

His feet were cold.

**Damon's POV**

It was a long day out with Fletcher Fell, another lost free Saturday that we both spend working for the sake of our little brothers. Another winter day I didn't get to spent with Stefan, another day he was alone, sad, probably drawing or watching TV. Another day of us both feeling alone in this whole wide world, another day we were parentless, restless to figure out how things should be and why they are just no longer like they were, another day when nothing that would make us both smile happened. Another day…that's all I thought.

Another lost and useless day that wouldn't make sense, that I won't remember, that he won't remember. Another day without our mother here on earth. Another day our father has drunk himself to sleep in his big cold bed, in his small dark bedroom. Another day we would eat cereal for dinner. Another day there might be no milk in the fridge, and yet another one in which I'll have a hard time finding a clean t-shit with which I could go to bed. Another one we would feel cold, another one…just another one.

And how many more I would live through like this, I keep wondering about it all the way home. How many? Does this ever have an ending? Do my efforts even matter now? Does going out with Fletcher and helping him get this job done would even help me make the day tomorrow brighter or will I just spent all those money on food that will go stale and on socks that will be torn apart in matter of days by my brother's tiny running-all-around-the-house feet?

And I'm only thirteen now. Imagine this when I am older…or when he is older.

Once I approach the house, I hear his cry from the kitchen window and that make me rush towards the door, hoping that somehow aunt Sarah wouldn't have locked it. They went to the doctor today, which is probably why he was crying out so loud. He didn't knew that I wasn't going to come with them, she probably told him once he woke up and now I knew he would've been all sad and beyond mad at me.

I rush through the front door and toss my sneakers in the corner. I can hear him yelling already.

"YOU LIEEEEED" he was crying out loud. And my brother sure as hell wasn't the one to cry so noisily. He surely felt betrayed "You lied aunt Sarah! You lied to me."

"Stefan, please stop it already!" she says angrily, I'm sure she's been arguing with him for more than ten minutes. Once I get inside they both turn towards me, but Stefan doesn't even keep his look on me, instead he looks down and continues to cry. His face is red and silent whines are escaping his lips. He's trying to calm himself down now when he has seen me. He doesn't want to look like a baby I guess, he's always so desperate to prove me that he's not little that it's funny at times. Now there's nothing funny, though.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"I can't with this boy!" she tosses her hands in the air, obviously extremely angry "You go deal with him!"

"But what happened? Stef, why are you crying, huh buddy?" I lean down so I could see his eyes but he's not looking up.

"I barely made him go to the doctor and he cried all the way back home."

"He put injection in meeeeee" Stefan cried out in protest and she gave me one of her "I'm giving up" looks while I sit next to him and put my hand over his shoulder. He tries to escape me though and I am confused.

"Stefan, come on buddy, don't act like that."

"You left me! You left me alone!" he said again and this time looked at me. "You left me all alone there!"

"I didn't leave you alone, Stefan. I went to work with Fletcher, you understand, buddy?" I tried to hug him again now and even though he was still mad I find him becoming more benevolent. Stefan could never stay mad for long, he was just hurt. "And he gave me money so we could go outside tomorrow and buy you something, huh?"

He remained silent for a moment, tears still coming down his face, but he finally leaned on me.

"I don't want anything. I just want you." my heart clenched at his words and I ruffled his hair gently, then we leaned back on the side of the couch and I wondered what I should say here.

"Well I'm surely not going anywhere, I promise." he didn't respond though. He wasn't that naïve anymore, he knew mother promised she wasn't going anywhere too and yet she wasn't here with us tonight. He didn't say a word out. I couldn't figure if he was afraid to say something because he knows it might not be true or he was just speechless. Maybe even though he was only five years old, he was after all, tired of people's promises. "So where did he put the needle, huh? Wanna show me?" he suddenly looked up all hurt, but at the same time feeling important and rolled up his sleeve.

"Here." he looked up again with his puppy eyes.

"Oh well that must've hurt, huh?"

"Yeah, it did." he nodded eagerly now, happy that someone understands him. "It did hurt, Damy. And I didn't want them to do this to me, but the nurse pushed me down the bed and aunt Sarah was outside and you were gone and it was awful.

"I'm sorry buddy." I hugged him back up and turned on the TV. " I really am"

His favorite show was on. I kept tickling him for an hour or so and his childish laugh fill the whole kitchen, which was now surprisingly warm.

He dozed up before ten in the evening when I was desperately searching for something to eat in the fridge. I couldn't find any milk though, just like I've guessed. I turned towards the window looking to the backyard and noticed a few snowflakes finding their way towards the ground. Somehow I found their long way going down sadly short. The whole house was quite and I realized that if I listened hard the only thing I could distinguish would be the whistle of the winter wind out there and the silent breathing of my brother.

Aunt Sarah has left.

We were all alone.

**A/N: Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well and that Aunt Sarah's POV didn't bore you to death. It was important for me to show not only how the brothers acknowledge the change in each other, but also how other people see them.**

**If any of you are reading The Greatest thing-I'm writing for this as well and I hope to update after I get rid of one of my exams. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Damon's POV**

I was having a hard time putting my tie on, while Stefan was still drawing on the kitchen table. We were late, aunt Sarah would probably start calling soon, asking why were we taking so much time. We went to church earlier, but now it was dinner time and she wanted us to go there, look all presentable, since a bunch of her husband's cousins were coming as well. She has been instructing Stefan how to act for the past week or so, though I failed to understand her logic-he was always so silent, especially at family gatherings, he sure as hell wouldn't do or say a thing.

"Come on, buddy! Time to leave" I said as I finally put my jacket on.

"Just a little more, Damon." he pleaded as he was rushing to put the final lines in his drawing.

"We have to leave, brother. Leave it for tomorrow." I asked and he finally jumped off, sadly that he wasn't going to finish his work. He rushed to pass me by and go to the hallway, but I stopped him and leaned down. "Now are you all set up?" I asked and made sure his shirt was tucked in his jeans so he wouldn't look sloppy. Then I combed his hair once again while he frowned against me-ha hated when someone touched it, but I gave him a stern look. "Did you brush your teeth?" he nodded his head, eagerly, ready to get away from me and my torture. I smiled and let him put his jacket and shoes on by himself, without letting him leave my sight. Once we were outside, he happily looked up-it was slightly snowing again and he let go of my hand, only so he could run before me and just have fun. He opened his mouth and waited for the snowflakes to fall down on his tongue.

"See, Damy! I am tasting the snowflakes!"

"Oh yeah, buddy? And how are they?" I really wanted to laugh, but I knew he would hate me for it so I just tried to remain serious.

"I don't know. They don't actually taste like anything I know" he said confused and shrugged his little shoulders. Then turned his back to me and run again. We were coming close to the road though and I warned him to slow down. He stopped and waited for me impatiently-the looked up at the sky and stretched his hands, in desperate attempt to catch a snowflake and see it good before it has melted. It was fun watching him like this, he was smiling.

When he got tired, he caught my hand again and slowed his pace down.

"Damy, how does Santa go through the chimney? Isn't he too fat?" lately he wanted to know all about it. I heard him discuss it with Simon the other day when I finally got him outside after his misfortunate visit at the doctor, which upset him very much. They both sounded so funny, arguing about how come Santa manages to get through all the houses and deliver the presents.

"Well he just uses his magic to get thin and comes slowly down there to the fireplace."

"Well what if there's fire on? Won't he burn his ..you know, his behinds?" he blushed for a moment and I laughed out loud, this time unable to keep pretending. He wasn't mad though, but he furrowed his eyebrows a little, unable to understand what was so wrong in his question.

"Well that's why we don't leave fire on, Stefan. We put it down before we go to bed."

"Do you think he ever…you know burned it?" he asked curiously again.

"I guess it's possible. After all, he's been doing it for a while, there must have been a few accidents."

"That's sad." he concluded and bowed his head down, still obviously thinking about it "We have to remind aunt Sarah to put it out tonight, yeah?"

"Definitely. And stop being so grumpy about going there, it'll be all fine."

"I'm not grumpy. " he protested

"Stefan, I can see your face! You are. "

"I just..hate to sleep there, the girls talk a lot before they go to bed." aunt Sarah usually put him in her daughter's room, which was entirely pink and every time Stefan got inside he imitated puking to me, which made me, as usually with him-laugh.

"Well, you'll sleep with me tonight."

"Really?" he looked up excited and I nodded to confirm his joy, even though I could already realize the mistake I've made. He jumped up and down, as we were just entering aunt Sarah's front yard.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he stretched his hands as he wanted me to pick him up and I did, only so I could feel his little blond hair leaning on my chest. "I will do anything for you! I will draw you a hundred pictures."

"Haha, that's okay, buddy. A hundred is a big number!"

"No, I promise!" he said seriously "I will draw you and there will be all only for you."

"Good then. It would make me extremely happy." I assured him and dropped him down, just as I was ringing on the bell. Aunt Sarah's husband-Kevin opened the door for us. He was a nice person and he paid attention to us both when he was here, since his work acquired a lot of traveling. He loved his daughters unconditionally and I could feel Stefan being a little jealous of them, when we were paying our aunt a visit and he watched them get treated like spoiled little brats, while me and aunt Sarah usually did nothing, but scold him.

He greeted us warmly, got Stefan in his hands and led us to the kitchen table, where half of the guests have already arrived and aunt Sarah gave me a disapproving look, since we were obviously a little late. I had to greet them all and listen to their awful questions about how was I doing in school, was it hard, wasn't I gonna try out for the football team, all stuff like that. Then usually I would hear them talk behind our backs, how sad it was that those two boys were left motherless and their father was a drunk, who failed to even remember their names. How hard it must be for aunt Sarah to deal with two families and to take care of four children.

For some unknown reason they all thought Stefan was a naughty troublesome boy, probably, because Emily has talked behind his back, and oh well-everyone believed little Emily there, because she looked like a cupcake, she was dressed as a princess and she was well-behaved on the table while my brother's sad tired face didn't seem to drew anyone's attention. He was always caught in some bad moments when we were here- the girls screamed that he pulled their hairs or that he was saying some bad words, or that he stomped on their precious little toes on purpose or broke their dolls. I honestly felt sorry for him, because he was the only boy there ergo-the blame always fell on him.

Tonight, though, he didn't engage in their games, he listened to my advice and stayed by my side. When he got bored, he drew some, while Emily came by him and said he was boring and stupid for not wanting to play with her. He knew better, though and a few times I intervened and told her to get away from here-she was respectful towards me and soon disappeared.

It was honestly a hard and long evening and at the end of it, Stefan and me, we just wanted to go to bed. Aunt Sarah didn't pay much attention to us anyway, she was too busy trying to please her guests-we were her last concern. So when we headed all the way upstairs towards the last room in this damn house, nobody noticed. Stefan and me got dressed and he hugged himself in me as soon as we laid down. He was tired, but not as much as to fall asleep immediately.

He was wondering, I knew it, he was trying to figure something out, but he didn't say anything-this time he was silent. I was personally thinking about this time last year-when we were here with mom, singing Christmas carols and having a hard time putting Stefan to bed, because he was just so overexcited. Now we were surrounded by people and yet we couldn't shake the feeling that we were alone. We weren't happy. Actually I think he was way more happy when he was outside today than now. And he wasn't even excited about opening his presents tomorrow, which was so strange-I mean every kid should be eager to know what's under the tree. He didn't feel like home here, even though there was a big beautiful Christmas tree and decorations all over the house that created that cheesy spirit the adults despise so much. Somehow he preferred sleeping in his own bed in our dark cold room. Honestly, lately, I didn't find it to be so depressing there-we've put his drawings all on the walls , it was still messy, but a good, cosy kind of messy and we had a new night lamp, which I used for reading fairytales to Stefan in the evening. It was somehow a little brighter and it made me smile.

I felt him turning right and left next to me, he had a hard time falling asleep in another place and he even coughed a few times, which showed me he wasn't even close to dozing off. I turned around and put my hand over him so he would stop moving so much. As soon as he felt my presence there he caught my wrist and calmed down.

I smiled-he didn't need much, after all, he was just a boy.

**Stefan's POV**

I was running around the house with my new rifle I got from Santa. It was the best gift ever! I even scared the girls and they got away from me. I was trying to make Damon come out of bed and play for me for half an hour now already, but he has just stood up now and he didn't even have pants on.

"Come onnn, Damon! I'll shoot you."

"Please, be my guest" he responded with a smile while trying to find his socks.

I hid behind the table and aimed at him from there.

"Bang! Bang! BANG, Damoooon! I killed you."

"Oh, thank you, Jesus." he continued with his humor. I think Simon said that was called sarcasm. I didn't understand what was the different-you make people laugh anyway, right? It was hard for me to understand the grown-ups and the words they used sometimes.

"Come on, let's play! And plus there's gifts for you down there- from Santa to you, Damy!" okay, I know mommy always said it was bad to lie, but I just couldn't tell him that I've put something from me in his presents. I wanted him to believe in Santa. Just like I did. Plus was it a bad thing to do that? Was it really a lie? I hope it wasn't considered a naughty thing to do, because next Christmas Santa might not get me what I want. I guess I'll have to write him another letter after today, to just explain him what I've done and apologize.

"Okay, okay, we're going down." he finally agreed and we headed to the door.

"You don't have jeans on, Damon!" I laughed out loud while he was still rubbing his eyes

"Damn it." he went back while I hid behind the door and as soon as he got back out I jumped in front of him.

"Surrender or die!" he laughed out loud and put his hands up in the air.

"I surrender, captain Salvatore." he finally responded after I pushed the rifle to his knee, since I could, you know, lift it higher.

"Good, now walk before me, young traitor!" I ordered and he moved slowly down the stairs. When he was trying to move, I just shoot beside him and he got back in the line. It was fun to play with Damon. He always made silly stuff.

"Okay, okay now can you let me go?" he asked as we finally arrived at the Christmas tree. Aunt Sarah and the girls were already in the kitchen, having breakfast, while uncle Kevin watched TV in the living room. He threw us a smiley glance and saluted me like the soldiers do. I responded with the same and nodded seriously.

"Can you let me go what?" I asked and pressed the rifle to his leg again, but this time at the back of it.

"Stefan, if you stick this thing in my ass I will kill you!" he said now seriously and I laughed out loud.

"Can you let me go what?" I asked again. I demanded his appreciation towards my rang.

"Can you let me go, captain?" he let a sigh out

"Sure thing!" I responded and he sat down, trying to find his presents. He unwrapped some package , but it wasn't the one I've bought for him-it was a beautiful blue sweater. I think he looked good in it. It made him somehow brighter, not that serious. Then he started unwrapping another one, which turned out to be a shirt, then another one with socks-I had the same colors as well. I think Santa needs a creative dwarf out there-how can you make the same stuff for two different people, moreover when you have in mind that they are family. I mean..I could confuse my sock with Damon's!

"Hey, Stefan look what I got" he finally took out the present I've bought his with the help of aunt Sarah and uncle Kevin. It was a cap of his favorite football team. He looked at it for quite some time and then he put it on with a big smile on his face.

"Wow, Damon, that's awesome!" I acted as if I didn't have a clue. Aunt Sarah made me promise I wouldn't tell him even if he wondered. And he surely did seem quite amused. I guess he didn't expect it. He probably didn't put it in his Santa letter. That's what I kept telling aunt Sarah-that he'll guess it's not from Santa, because he never wrote it down, but she said that boys his age don't write the stuff they want down. They just dream for them.

And I was glad we made a dream of his come true.

Damy seemed happy and so was I.

**Aunt Sarah's POV**

I heard the phone ringing and wondered who might be calling in ten in the evening. I had this pit in my stomach the whole day, but I just thought that I'm tired form the guests and from all the housework I had to do. As soon as I saw the number I let an annoyed sight out-the boys have probably forgotten something here or they wanted me to come and I've just put Emily and Jane to bed, in the hope of heading for some rest as well. After they opened their presents and had breakfast with us, Damon hurried to take them back home-he said they just want to rest in their own room.

"Aunt Sarah." Stefan's worried childish voice surprised me "Aunt Sarah is that you?" he never called me on the phone. Damon has tought him how to do if something ever happened, but he has never done it.

"Stefan? What is wrong, why are you calling?" I still had the hope that this will turn out to be about something foolish, even though the pit in my stomach announced its presence once again this evening.

"Aunt Sarah, you gotta come here! Damon and father got into a fight and…and Damon tripped over very bad and there's blood all over the floor and I- I just don't know what to do." he tried not to cry out, but he was just so startled and confused that it was hard for him to explain what was happening "There's blood. Please, come here." he added again

"Hey, hey, calm down now, sweetheart." I tried to figure out what exactly was going on " Where's your brother?"

"He's on the floor here, next to me." he answered with the same scared voice.

"Is he awake? Is he talking to you?" I heard Damon's weak hoarse voice from somewhere near Stefan. He was trying to say something, but I could understand him

"He's awake. He says he's fine, but I know he's not." he added knowingly "He hit his head, aunt Sarah."

"Okay, it's fine. It's gonna be ok. I'm going to get the doctor and we're coming to you, okay? Can you hold on while I come, huh?" I asked and I realized I was trying to calm myself down, not the other way around. Stefan sounded on the verge of crying, but so was I.

"Yes, I can. But please hurry."

"I'm on my way already, don't worry. And keep Damon up okay, buddy? Don't let him fall asleep, do you understand?" he assured me once again and I hung up on him. With trembling hands I found my coat and put it on, without even thinking about the fact that I was dressed with the clothes I used at home. I knew this would happen, I knew it. It was a matter of time before this stupid idiot did this to them. And Damon's stubbornness, God this boy, why isn't he listening to what I am telling him! Now Stefan was watching his brother's blood spilling all over the floor as if they didn't had enough on their plate. I prayed for Damon's wound to be small, I prayed all the way to the doctor's house, which was only a block away. I prayed on the way to their house and even though doctor Williams was asking me questions I couldn't seem to have the answer for them. He knew what the situation in this house was, I mean..I think the whole neighborhood knew and he wasn't surprised when I lied to him that I don't know how Damon tripped. He was smart enough not to dig deeper now as well, because he could see how nervous I was.

I had a hard time opening the front door with my trembling fingers, but once I did we both ran to the kitchen. When I opened it we found Stefan and Damon on the kitchen floor, leaning on the fridge. Stefan was talking something to his brother and Damon was pressing a piece of cloth to the back of his head. Half of his face was swollen and his t-shirt was ripped off. It must have been quite the fight. The doctor leaned down to him and gently touched his hand, with the intention to remove it from the wound.

"Hey there, Damon. It's fine now, son" he was a nice person, definitely knew his way around kids. Stefan was scared of him, just because he was a doctor-I saw the fear in his eyes now as well. He always linked doctors to his mother's death. "Let me see it, huh?" he gently removed the cloth and looked at the wound. We were all terrifyingly silent. I had the feeling that Stefan was ready to jump on him and make him get away from his brother. He thought he would do something wrong, he was afraid, but he kept himself down, still gripping Damon's palm with all his strength "It's fine, he'll need some stitches though" he turned towards me and I let a deep sigh out. Damon's gaze was very disorientated though, I'm not sure he was aware of what exactly was happening, he seemed on the verge of falling asleep. He started slowly raising Damon up and they moved over the couch. Stefan didn't want to let him go and I stood beside him, ready to tear them apart.

"Come here now. Leave the doctor do his job."

"No, I'm not leaving him." he said persistently with his back towards me.

"Stefan, come now!" I was still shaken and he was quite stubborn in the wrong moment.

"I'm not leaving him. I'm never leaving him."

'I just need to make a few stitches and then I promise you can come back here, huh?" Dr Williams said gently while Damon's eyes were almost closing. I could feel he knew what was going on, but didn't have the strength to do anything.

"No!"

"Stefan! Come here, now!" I pulled him towards me and headed to the door, but he tried to hold back.

'NO, I am not leaving him! I don't trust you!" he pointed towards the doctor "You said I could come back and see my momma as well, but she died! She died when I left her alone. So I am not leaving Damon alone."

"Stefan, come here, right now!" he has started crying and I felt his body now somehow more willing to make moves-he was tired, exhausted. He was only now letting it all sink in his head-the fear crushed his little body within a minute. I leaned down and took him in my hands so that I could get him out, before he could realize what was going on. Once he did and I've closed the door of his room he started resisting again and he made me drop him off. Then he rushed to the door and started banging on it with his little fists.

"Damoooon!" he was crying out "Damon!"

"Stefan, stop it already! He's going to be okay, the doctor is there, he knows what he's doing." I couldn't figure how to deal with him. He just turned around with the angriest expression I've ever seen on him, with his fists clenched and his eyes red. I'm not sure he could even see what where he was going. He looked around himself, as if he was trying to figure something out, then without even paying attention to me-he slowly approached his bed and I let a deep relived sigh out, for the hundred time today. I thought he would just crawl in his bed, but instead he kneeled down, intervened his hands, closed his eyes and silently started prying.

Tears were still coming down his eyes.

**Damon's POV**

I woke up abruptly from the pain in my head. It took me a while to open my eyes and realize what was going on. I felt someone's hand tightening his grip around mine and as I finally managed to focus my stare I realized it was aunt Sarah.

"Hey there, Damon." she said gently. I looked around and realized I was in the kitchen, covered up with a blanket-it was night, there was only one lamp on, in the other side of the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Good, I'm good." I tried to sit up, but she pushed my back down to the pillow, not that she needed to, I probably wouldn't have made it.

"Don't you even try!" now she was back to her serious voice "You need to rest."

"Stefan-" I started, but she interrupted me

"He's fine, just fell asleep after he cried for a few hours. He thought you were gonna leave him. I couldn't calm him down." she sounded as if she was apologizing.

"You should bring him over here, he won't relax until he sees me." I put my hand on my forehead, it hurt so damn much, I couldn't think straight.

"Tomorrow." she said demandingly. I didn't have the strength to oppose her. We stood like this for a couple of minutes. I knew what she was going to say next. "What happened, Damon? What on earth happened again?" she asked, not persistently or curiously, but rather sadly-she wanted to know, despite realizing how much it would hurt her.

'We were outside..and when we got back he was here, in the kitchen. He was drunk again, started coming after Stefan, because he dropped a plate and woke him up after he has just fallen, I guess. I stood up, he started cursing me, I responded…"

"Jesus, Damon."

"One thing led to another and he hit me. I hit him back and then without even realizing what was going on he pushed me and I fell down." I looked at her sheepishly, afraid of how she was going to start scolding me again. Instead I saw her hands buried in her long brown hair, done in a beautiful and simple plaid. We remained like this for a couple of minutes.

"This can't keep going on, Damon. You should come stay with me for a while. Until things calm down."

"That won't be the solution and you know it, aunt Sarah. Plus..I am not leaving my mother's home." I said seriously "And neither is Stefan."

"He saw you getting hurt today, Damon. He was terrified out of his mind. I'm not watching him like this ever again."

"You have a family on your own, aunt Sarah." I said silently, but tightened my grip as well, just to show her my gratitude "You have kids, you have a husband. We can't come there."

"You will. Even if it's for a short while. I'm not leaving you two here right now." she said stubbornly after a minute in which she was trying to let my words sink in. She knew I was right. "What if something worse has happened, huh? What if next time is not you, but Stefan? What then?" she tried to make me understand.

'We are not your kids to take care of."

"No. But I made a promise to my sister, that I will look after you. And I am not going to break it." she ran her fingers through my hair until she reached the bandage behind and her eyebrows furrowed. "Now go back to sleep."

"Stefan, he should-"

"I'll take care of Stefan. You rest now or I'll kick your ass." I smiled at her and she returned with the same.

Then she did something she hasn't done in over a year.

She leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

Just like my mother used to do.

**A/N: The more I write and the more I read what you guys comment, the more I kinda actually realize that maybe I do write some sad stuff. LOL For which I am indeed sorry. I think I have forgotten how to write happy stuff. Out of some reason I am always intent on keeping stuff down to earth. Anyway, special thank you for all of those who follow me from my first story here, that means a lot.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Damon's POV**

I was lying on the kitchen couch again, as the day before, trying to keep my attention to the TV, though I was just too tired since I couldn't sleep very much last tonight. Aunt Sarah didn't leave us for a minute these last few days and even though I appreciated her concern, she was becoming a big pain in my ass since she was annoyingly trying to make sure I was fine. She didn't let me stand up by myself, even though I assured her I can deal with everything on my own and trying to convince her that she should just go back to her house and take care of her own kids. She was constantly hovering around me and Stefan was the one left behind.

When he finally saw me the other morning he ran towards the bed and hugged me tight, he didn't want to leave me for an hour or so until aunt Sarah finally made him let me go. He was so silent and closed ever since the fight happened. I tried talking to him some, but he just responded with a short silent "yes" and wouldn't make a sound after that. I couldn't figure out if he was scared or just still startled. I told aunt Sarah to let the doctor check up on him when he comes to change my bandage since I heard him cough again last night, but she said that once he heard the word doctor he hid in the wardrobe and she spent two hours searching for him while she was going out of her mind.

I spent those few days thinking, that was when I didn't feel like someone just beat me to death. I kept trying to figure if there was a way out for us of this situation. Aunt Sarah was right-this could happen again and what if Stefan was somehow alone here, by himself. What then?

Then again our father was our legal guardian, not aunt Sarah and we needed him, even if we hated to admit it. I knew that secretly aunt Sarah was terrified that someone might call the social services, they would come here and ship us off somewhere. I knew she was afraid-even when she never said it out loud. And yet there wasn't anything she could do or more like- I wasn't sure she was willing to become the legal guardian of two more kids and take complete care of them, not that she wasn't doing this now, but that meant living together and me and her both knew that this can't happen, not right now for sure.

I knew Stefan was afraid as well, even if he wasn't exactly aware of the possible outcomes of this situation. He once asked what would happen if father dies as well, what does this means for us, would we be separated? And then I understood that he must have heard it somewhere that bad things happen to parentless children. I didn't answer him though, I only vaguely reminded him that he shouldn't be afraid and we'll always remain together. I'm not sure how much he believes people's promises anymore, I think he can't let himself be disappointed from anyone once again so he just stopped trusting them.

"Damon? You awake?" aunt Sarah's warm voice came in from the kitchen door and I tried to look at her, but it was hard to turn around.

"Yep." I responded tiredly, though I tried to pull all the enthusiasm I had in me. Stefan's little footsteps announced his presence in the kitchen as well. "Heyy, buddy!" I ruffled his hair and he gave me one of his big sad smiles.

"Come on, Damy- we're going outside." he let out happily, which made me a bit more relaxed and I tried to sit straight slowly. I felt my head spinning by the minute, but tried to hide it.

"You need to get some air, you've been lying here for two days already. " aunt Sarah said and came by my side to help me raise up. My coat was already in her hands-I couldn't even try to protest "Plus Stefan will go insane if he stays here for another hour. I called the Fells- Fletcher will bring Simon out so they could play and I'll pass by home to see how the kids are doing and then we can come back here." she laid her plans perfectly and I immediately understood why she called them-she wanted Fletcher to keep an eye on me while she's away.

"Aunt Sarah, seriously, you need to go home tonight." I insisted and Stefan threw me a hopeful glance, without even realizing it. He loved her, but I knew we needed some time for ourselves. She had two emotional states-either she was constantly yelling at us or she was annoyingly overprotective and I personally couldn't decide which was worse.

"No way. I'm not-"

"You spent nights here, the girls surely miss you. Go home, I feel better anyway, plus we'll see each other tomorrow, yeah?"

"But Stefan, he-" she tried to protest again.

"Oh, I'll be fine aunt Sarah" my little brother hurried to reassure her in his desperate attempt to convince her she should leave. She let a deep sigh out, she has surrendered and I smiled, happy that we've managed to convince her.

"Okay then, you little troublemakers." she helped me get my coat on "Damon, don't forget to take the pills the doctor prescribed and make sure he eats" she pointed to my little brother-please. He hasn't put a bite in his mouth these past few days." then she came a bit closer, pretending to be fixing my collar, but actually whispering in my ear "When you don't eat, he doesn't. So make sure you give him a good example tonight, yeah?"

"You got it."

She went on and on about how she left us food in the fridge, that Stefan needs to change his pajama, because he sweated too much last night, then reminded me for yet another time to not get myself too tired and to go to bed early-all stuff like that. I understood her-she was just too nervous lately, especially after what happened with father. I know that the next day after we fought, she and Kevin came here and talked to father. They have convinced him to go away for a while, but aunt Sarah never really said how much that a while is, which made me believe she wasn't sure when he was coming back herself and now she was terrified that he would come home, while we're all alone here and something might go wrong.

Eventually we got out, after half an hour of her constant nagging. Thankfully we separated after the next block, while Stefan and me continued walking towards the park. He was again silent, his head bent down observing his old shoes. I was hoping that Simon will cheer him up and I myself was up to talking with Fletcher some, since I've lost all contact with any human being other than aunt Sarah. Stefan seemed so sadly sweet in his dark blue coat with his new rifle on his back. He didn't want to let it out of his sight-it meant the world to him right now and he enjoyed playing with it so much. I knew he must be eager to brag in front of Simon, even though he wasn't showing it in any way for now.

I noticed Fletcher and Simon just in the right part of the park near a bunch of benches. The boys couldn't really swing now since there was some snow left, but they played around us and hid behind the trees-they didn't really need much to have fun.

"Hey, Simon, look who's coming" Fletcher pointed at us and his youngest brother ran in our direction. Stefan and him immediately started fooling around and showing each other what they got for Christmas. Fletcher greeted me warmly, as usually, and I noticed him paying attention to the bandage on my head, which was still showing even though I've tried to hide it with my hat. He didn't give me a pity look though, only furrowed his eyebrows some while shaking my hand.

"So, those two troublemakers are gonna make us freeze our asses out here, aren't they?" he asked casually as we sat down.

"You bet they are. Stefan's been too impatient lately, had to take him outside."

"Are you kidding? Simon drove us insane after Christmas. He kept going up and down with this new gun they bought him, killing everyone in the house and making them his hostages." I laughed out loud, loud because I knew exactly what he was talking about. "Dad was all good at first, but then he got sick of it and I had to take the kiddo to my room since the folks needed some rest."

"I heard your mother is pregnant so I guess congratulations are in order." I've remembered aunt Sarah telling me all about it while she was peeling potatoes in the kitchen and blabbing all about the gossips, I certainly didn't have any interest in. I wondered how they'll deal with another kid in the family.

"Thank you. We're hoping for a girl this time, but you know…after five boys." he smiled sadly " Then again, I guess you never know."

"You never do." I responded and got the hat off my head since I felt too hot with it. The day was kind of sunny to begin with and I cursed aunt Sarah for overdressing Stefan. Now he would sweat and get coldish in the evening again. "Stefan, don't run too much, okay?" I yelled at him though he almost didn't pay me attention.

"So how have you been doing?" Fletcher asked and I turned towards him a little too abruptly which cause my head to spin a little again "I heard what happened." he wasn't trying to pry, he just wanted me to talk to him, he felt I needed it, and God I really did.

"You heard that my own father beat me up or you heard the version where I tripped over and hit my head by accident?"

"The first. Your aunt talked to mom." I knew it would be like that. Aunt Sarah and the Fells were close. I didn't know what to tell him anymore so I just bent my head down and stared at my shoes for a moment, just like Stefan did not so long ago. "But seriously, Damon, how are you doing?" there was concern in his voice, but I still couldn't bring myself to meeting his stare.

I didn't like when people felt sorry for me. For us actually. I knew he only meant well, though, so I tried to calm myself down. I was stubborn when it came to other people knowing my personal affairs and feelings, I didn't like sharing, damn, I'm not sure I ever did share with someone, but on the other hand there was just so much weight inside me. Stefan was a kid-he could cry and nobody would ever judge him, he can crawl in his bed and hide from the whole world but I had to stand straight for both of us, I had to keep us safe and I wasn't neither supposed not allowed to cry or show my weaknesses. I was responsible for me and more importantly-for the motherless boy before me, who was supposed to not have a care in the world, but was instead sad, worried and constantly confused by the people around him.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Fletcher." I silently said after a while and buried my hands in my hair "I think about it and I don't see a way out. And it's not just me anymore-"

"That's true, but" he interrupted me and put his hand on my shoulder "It's also about you, it's very much about you, Damon. You care about Stefan, but you're so recklessly blinded in your willingness to protect him that you stop thinking straight. You are a person too, you are a boy too, just like him and yes, he needs you, he sure as hell needs you, because if something happens to you he's left alone, you understand that right? But it's also about you as a person who's growing up. The stuff we see-they change us, they make us different people and one day you'll find yourself asking how did you end up like this? You get what I am saying?

I just simply nodded, without even trying to attempt to oppose him.

"He's just a kid." I said and looked up only to see them playing behind the tree in front of us. "He shouldn't have seen this. "

"What an irony" Fletcher said "You wish your brother couldn't see and I pray for the exact opposite for mine. Isn't that sad?"

"It's not sad, Fletcher. It's cruel." my intonation startled him and we stopped talking for quite a while, we only looked at the kids, jumping up in front of us .

"Why don't you come and have dinner with us tonight, huh? Mom is cooking chicken, you're gonna like it."

"No…" I shook my head "I know what you're doing here Fletcher."

"Even so" he put his hand on my shoulder again "Please say yes."

I looked away, trying to figure out a way to decline his offer, but somehow without having a explanation why I nodded my head and we called the kids back.

"But , Fletcher can't we play some mooore." Simon's sweet childish voice filled the air. Stefan wasn't even up for protesting today, he seemed a bit pale again.

"You'll play more tonight, Stefan and Damon are coming for dinner."

"What?" Stefan suddenly woke up from his trans "We are?" I nodded and a smile appeared on his face, he went up and hugged Fletcher, saying thank you about a bunch of times and we stood up , slowly heading to their house.

**Stefan's POV**

I was so happy when I found out that we were going to the Fells, I loved having fun in their house and Simon was even more eager than me to start fooling around all their family home, so we cleaned our plates in matter of ten minutes and silently tried to get off the table. His mother wanted to scold us at first and Damon tried to make me come back, but both Evan and Fletcher convinced them to let us go, because they were aware of the fact that we would probably keep tickling each other on if we remained there and once I broke a plate while playing like this which made me feel very bad.

We continued playing soldiers, but eventually got tired and sat down on his bed in the room he shared with Fletcher and John.

"What's wrong with your brother's head?" Simon asked me as we leaned on the wall and he turned on the barely working TV in their room in desperate attempt to find our favorite cartoon.

"Daddy pushed him and he fell down." I responded and Simon turned towards me abruptly. His eyes were so bigger when he wore the glasses and now I could see the regret in them. He felt sorry for me.

"Well why would he do that?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Because he drinks a lot I guess." I couldn't find a better explanation.

"My daddy drinks sometimes when he comes late after work. " he turned back towards the screen again "But he never pushes anyone." he concluded sadly "I am sorry, Stefan." I nodded and failed to give him a smile so I would assure him it's all fine. It wasn't all fine "Did you see it all happen?"

"Yeah.."

"Were you scared?" he asked now curiously

"Not that much at first, more like later when the doctor came. I thought he would just disappear like momma did, you know? I was terrified."

"That's okay." he reassured me and put his small hand on my shoulder "It's all fine to be afraid. I think even grown-ups get scared, you know?"

"They do?" I asked in disbelief. I always thought Damon is not afraid of anything. I wanted to be just like him, I wanted to be brave.

"Yeah, I think so. There was this one time after we came back from the doctor and later I heard mom cry and Fletcher trying to calm her in the kitchen. They didn't knew I was there. She was scared" he said trying to hide the sadness in his voice "I guess she still is, because she thinks I will stop seeing."

"What?" I asked confused "That would never happen!" I protested and put my hand over his shoulders. He was smaller than me and that was telling a lot considering how much aunt Sarah always said that I look almost invisible. I told her that she should just skip the almost-I was invisible. Simon remained silent and didn't want to face my look which made me believe that he doesn't believe my words. "Hey, Simon!" he finally paid me attention "Buddy, that's not happening, you hear me?"

"Yeah." he finally smiled and for a moment we both stared at the TV screen though I'm not sure we were watching anything at all. Both me and him were thinking about other stuff "Does your brother cry sometimes?" he asked after a while

"No" I shook my head. I haven't seen Damon cry since we were very little when he hit his knee in the table "Does Fletcher cry?"

"I don't think so. I'm not sure that when we grow up we are supposed to cry, you know?" he added with uncertainty

"Yeah, Damon always says that big boys don't cry, that they need to man up and act like they are supposed to. I still think he wants to sometimes."

"I think so too" he silently agreed with me "I think Fletcher tries to do as much as he can to help mom and dad." he took his new toy gun out of his jeans and put it on the drawer. I took my rifle away as well and we laid down, because we were both tired. "What would happen if they both go to work somewhere in the summer, Stefan?" he finally let out his biggest fear. I knew he was hiding something the whole day. Maybe that was what tortured him. "They would leave us all alone here."

For a moment I got scared that he was right, that after all maybe people really do leave us alone, even when they don't want to.

"I don't know, Simon." I yawned, I was getting sleepy "I really don't know."

**Damon's POV**

After we didn't hear from Stefan or Simon for about half an hour Fletcher took me to their room and we found them both asleep on Simon's bed, almost hugged in each other. Honestly they seemed so cute that it made my heart clench. Their toys were on the cupboard, the TV was on and their tired pale faces were resting peacefully. I had to take my brother home, though, so Fletcher helped me wrap him in a blanket and carry him downstairs. Stefan moved up a bit, but didn't wake up. At first Fletcher insisted that we spent the night there, but I refused all their kind invitations and they accepted my decision since they knew we would feel better in our own home.

On the way to the house while pressing Stefan's little body to my chest and hearing his slow hoarse breathing I couldn't get rid of the feeling of sadness inside me. I don't know why it was there, but it was like a weight in my chest, ready to explode, making me be so mad and confused at the same time, making me unable to be the man I was supposed to be.

I couldn't figure out what was going on inside me, maybe because I couldn't figure out why our lives were so screwed up. I didn't feel sorry for myself, I felt bad because nothing was how it should be, not only for me and Stefan, but for everyone I knew. There was Fletcher with a big family that barely supported themselves and with a youngest brother who was losing his sight. There was aunt Sarah with her unfortunate destiny to take care of kids for whom no one in this world cared for anymore and there was father, who after all was a man lost his desire to live, to move on, to make things better-who was killing himself more and more with every passing day, because he couldn't accept that his life didn't turn up how he wanted it and the love of his wife was buried in the ground under him. And we all carried our sadness within ourselves without giving it too much thought but trying to drown it, to kill it, though it just came back on the surface again. Aunt Sarah was burying herself in work, Fletcher was trying his best to help Simon see as much of the world as he could before the inevitable happened and dad was trying to forget that mom was never coming back. And I? I was deluding myself just as bad as them-I was giving the boy in my arms false hope. I was lying to him, every day, I was trying to figure out a way to make him believe so desperately, that things will work out and we all will be fine. I was a liar and I didn't even feel ashamed of myself.

Just as I was closing our front door and carefully taking my shoes on Stefan's eyes popped up and he gave me one of his genuine smiles.

"Damy?" he asked still sleepy

"Shh, Stefan, go back to sleep." he buried his head in my shoulder again

"Are we home?" he asked again as I was just entering our room.

"Yes, buddy, we are." I put him in his bed and slowly took his shoes off. As soon as I lay him down and his head hits the pillow he starts coughing and I furrow my eyebrows. For a moment I'm brought back a year ago when he was in this same bed and mom was hovering over him for nights on end while he was turning right and left, unable to fall asleep. But now mom wasn't here, only I was and I didn't know what to do to calm him down. I picked up the glass of water from the cupboard and after he took a few sips he relaxed back and cuddled himself up in the blanket.

"I'm sorry " he said silently while I was making sure he's warm enough

"Don't be" I stroke his hair and gave him a kiss goodnight. Just when I was about to stand up and get ready for bed myself I heard him say something barely audible.

"It's fine, Damon. I know you'll leave one day."

"What?" I turned abruptly and noticed that he was again giving me one of his sad smiles as he was trying to find already closing his eyes.

"It's fine. I understand." he just repeated and almost hid his head under the blanket leaving me confused in the center of our dark cold room.

I felt as if someone has just hit me with the brick of reality right in the face. The weight inside me grew and made me suffocate, unable to catch my breath. I felt a single tear falling down my face and slowly ran my hands through my hair until I reached the bandage on the back of it.

I wanted to just go back to his bed, make him wake up and tell me what the hell he means by that, because I couldn't figure it out. I was older and I couldn't figure it out. A boy at the age of five was more certain of my future than I ever will be-how could this happen? How could he just say something like this when I didn't miss a single occasion to remind him that I'm never leaving him alone.

I stood up there for about ten minutes still trying to process his words. Then I just gave up, went by my bed and slowly undressed myself. I felt like I want to just lie down and sleep for a few days.

When I finally hit the pillow I tugged myself with the blanket just like Stefan did. There were still tears coming down my cheeks and I tried to brush them away with my t-shirt, but then I just stopped and turned around towards my brother's bed.

He was sleeping peacefully and I smiled lightly to myself. I wish I could tell him that yes-I am afraid, I'm more than afraid-I'm terrified. For him, for both of us. I wish I could tell him that sometimes I'm scared out of my mind for him just like he was when he saw me hurt. I wish I could teach him that it's better to admit that you're scared than to built walls around you.

I wish I could. God, I really wish I could.

**A/N: This turned out a bit more serious than I initially thought it would be. Anyway, haven't been sleeping much lately so I just thought I would write some. Hope you enjoy and give me your opinions on it. ((: **


	8. Chapter 8

**Damon's POV**

I was coming home once again in a late Saturday afternoon after a long day I spent helping Fletcher. My head still hurt, because Alaric decided that we should drink last night, for no apparent reason, and I came back late after midnight with an awful headache, only so I could wake up a few hours later with an even worse one. I don't know how I managed to stay straight all day and Fletcher didn't stop bugging me and making fun of me the whole time. He had the time of his life watching me stumble all along the stupid yard, but I didn't mind, at least he made me laugh some too. I didn't have the chance to talk much to Stefan this past week since it was our first one back to school. I had to go outside a few times in the evenings and aunt Sarah took him home with herself, even though he was, of course, not pleased with the fact. I think he was a little mad at me for leaving him behind like this, but he never said anything. Actually, he didn't talk at all. Aunt Sarah was having some troubles with him lately, I heard her yelling at him the other day after school, but I was just too tired to go and try to reason them, plus I believed Stefan needed to listen to her, because he often neglected her words and it was time he learned to have respect. I did feel bad for him, but I tried to drown my guilty thoughts with sleep, and God knew, that wasn't hard since I was constantly feeling on the verge of dozing off.

Father still wasn't home and when I tried to ask aunt Sarah about it she just changed the subject with was perfectly okay for me, because I sure as hell wasn't eager to welcome him back. Actually, I wasn't sure what I would do once we meet after this. I guess we would just act as if nothing happened-he would drown in his alcohol and Stefan and me will drown in our despair and everything will be right in the world again. Despite the fact that it wasn't and never will be.

I finally came inside, but didn't even take time to get my coat off, since I heard my brother's cry and aunt Sarah's angry voice coming from our room. They were fighting again about something and I cursed myself for not coming home earlier. Stefan's been too impatient lately, he wasn't listening to what we were telling him at all. Not that he was stubbornly doing something else on purpose, he just drifted off into his own world and didn't even bother responding at all.

"But aunt Sarah, please I don't want to go to your house. Can't I just stay here by myself. I promise I won't do anything bad."

"Stefan, stop getting on my nerves" I understood her, she had too much on her shoulders. She worked all day long, then went back home, then came here and she had to go back to her husband and her kids-she was going insane and sometimes she didn't need much to get her out of her mind.

"What's going on here?' I asked as soon as I finally entered the room. Stefan was sitting on the floor, gripping Lincoln with his right hand, tears coming down his face and aunt Sarah was clearing up our room and folding clothes angrily.

"You brother is not listening to a word I am saying is what's going on." she snapped at me

"Damon, please, can't I come with you and Fletcher tomorrow?" he asked in despair "Please."

"Stefan…" I shook my head unwillingly.

"Damon, don't try to console him." aunt Sarah interrupted me just as I was about to kneel down next to him and tell him it's all fine "He needs to learn that he can't always get what he wants. He needs to be taught respect, to listen to what I am saying."

"Damon?" he looked up again hopefully waiting for me to say something that would change the situation.

"You need to listen to aunt Sarah, Stefan" I finally let out and he looked at me so hurt that I immediately regretted my words. He stood up and threw Lincoln on his bed.

"You don't give a damn about me!" he almost yelled. He was angry with me.

"Stefan!" I said warningly, but he just crossed his little hands on his chest "Stefan!" I come closer but he doesn't look up "Stop acting like this."

"I don't want to go there" he said stubbornly again and turned towards aunt Sarah, which made her drop the clothes she was holding, now seriously mad. To make things worse he even continued with the same voice, as if he was sick of being treated like he's nobody in this house. As if we were throwing him just from this room to the other, making him silently obey "I am not going there. I hate your house."

"Stefan! What is getting into you? Why are you talking like this?" I tried to reason with him here. I couldn't understand why he was so upset, I knew he hated going to aunt Sarah's house, but he usually just accepted it, peacefully, understandingly.

"You don't even remember, do you?" he asked disappointedly

"Remember what, Stefan?" I asked but he just shook his head and turned his back on me. "Stefan?" I put my hand on his shoulder, but he didn't react.

"Damon, leave him." aunt Sarah said and headed to the door. But I wasn't willing to just give up like this. There was something going on here, I couldn't get why he was so bend on not going to their house.

"You promised." he silently said "You promised."

"I promised what?" I asked still with the same confusion "Stef?' I asked again, but he remained stubbornly silent.

"Damon, come on." aunt Sarah yelled again from the hallway and I let a deep sigh out, maybe he really did need some time alone. Maybe later I would convince him to talk to me. Now I was tired, I honestly wasn't up to deal with his crappy mood. Life is like this. I know he doesn't like doing certain stuff, but he has to start accepting them, no matter how he hates it. That's reality, he better start facing it now or later it would be difficult to explain all of this to him and surely-it will be far more painful.

That's what I've been telling myself as aunt Sarah was serving me dinner-I was stubbornly, just as her, trying to console my guilty conscious. I was convincing myself that we both were doing the right thing when it came to him, that sometimes we need to be more stern, for his own good. And yet the pit in my stomach remained there, silently reminding me of how cruel I was to my own brother as I was eating a cold sausage.

I couldn't stop trying to figure out what Stefan's words meant and why he was acting like this in the first place, though aunt Sarah's constant blabbing didn't leave me much alone with my thoughts. She insisted on me eating probably half the fridge and eventually I felt so full that I had to lie down on the couch. She was still pissed off at Stefan and didn't stop complaining about him for how ungrateful he was and how he didn't even want to listen to a words she was saying.

"He's a five year old kid aunt Sarah." I protested in another desperate attempt to stand by my brother's side "He's not supposed to understand you. Just stop feeling guilty about it and ask him to come here and have dinner." I knew her and I was very much aware of why she was acting like this-she felt bad for arguing with him. I think sometimes she actually lets herself realize that she's too stern with him and she needs to back off a little. She never yells so much at her own kids, but because Stefan is Stefan..and moreover a boy, it's in her nature to scold him some more than usually. Him and I-we were never mommy's little sons, we were always put in our place when we acted inappropriately and aunt Sarah knew that. She remembered the way our mother was raising her and she definitely didn't plan on changing anything in that department.

"Damon, he needs to feel bad for a while so he can understand that he's wrong."

"Aunt Sarah..please, my head hurts enough already. Just call him here" I said tiredly and I knew that was enough to make her change her mind. She let a deep sight out, playing annoyed in front of me, when we both knew that she was just concerned and left the kitchen. I relaxed a little and went through the channels in desperate attempt to find my football game. She took quite some times and that made me wonder if they have started arguing again. I was just about to stand up and go to our room when she went in with the most terrified expression I've ever seen.

"He's gone." she almost yelled.

"What?" I almost jumped from my place "What do you mean?" I repeated unable to comprehend her words.

"He's gone. I can't find him anywhere, Damon." she was already on the verge of crying.

He's gone. My brother can't just be gone, what is she even talking about? Still…even though I was trying to calm myself down something inside me suddenly set everything in motion and I practically ran out the kitchen.

"He can't just be gone." I protested again "Go check in our father's room!" I tried to make her calm down. My brother doesn't just disappear like that. He's not that stupid to leave the house on his own. I leaned down and looked under the beds, then tossed the pile of clothes on the chair, opened the wardrobe, where he sometimes cuddled when we played hide and seek. He wasn't in our room.

As I got back to the hallway aunt Sarah went off from our father's room and shook her head.

"He's not there." her voice sounded like she's on the verge of losing all her strength "Damon, where the hell is he?"

I looked around myself and as I was just about to turn and head to the backyard I noticed that his shoes were gone, then I looked up at the hanger in desperate attempt to see his jacket there, but it wasn't.

My brother doesn't just leave like that-I tried to calm myself down. My brother can't do that.

And yet he wasn't here. For a moment, which seemed like days I felt this hole inside me, as if someone has suddenly ripped out something right out of my inside, I felt somehow emptier, simple. I felt alone. I couldn't figure if I was completely emotionless right then or if the feelings were so strong that they were overwhelming me and preventing me from thinking clearly.

What a strange this that is! To feel that someone's gone, to have this pit in your stomach that suddenly you are no longer one whole human being. To be on the edge between to complete oppositions-to believe that it will all be fine and to block the worst thought of them all-that there is an inevitable bad thing that has just happened to you and you can't do anything about it.

"He's outside." I said sternly as I finally came back on earth. Thoughts don't mean anything, actions do. I need to find him. He was lost-my little brother was lost and I had to find him. "Call the Fells, he might have gone there." how the hell did we not hear him open the door I kept asking myself, how the hell did he got out? Were we so lost in our own world that we didn't even consider going to the room and at least checking up on him, no matter how mad we were. How much time has passed? Was it an hour, two? Where the hell was he in this damn winter night?

I got my jacket on and put on the first shoes I saw. I was going after him.

"Damon, what are you doing?" she asked now even more confused

"I'm going outside to look for him. You stay here in case he comes back."

"No, we need to go together." she tried to insist and caught me by the wrist in her total desperation. I could already see the guilt in her eyes-she was blaming herself.

"Aunt Sarah" I almost yelled and pulled myself away from her. Honestly, even though I didn't want to admit it, I was getting mad at her. I was trying to find someone to blame "It's freezing outside and he's been coughing for the past few weeks. I need to find him and no one in the world is going to stop me. You stay here, I'm going after him." she caught my hand yet again and made me look up in her teary eyes.

"Don't come home without him." she said seriously and I nodded in reassurance. I was bend on finding him even if it was going to take me days.

I ran outside, trying to figure out where he could've went. I kept asking myself why would he do this as I was approaching the park where we often went. How alone and misunderstood must he be feeling right now so that he would decide to just get the hell away from us?

It was getting dark, I couldn't see any steps in the snow, everything was mashed up because people were coming home from work. Every time I saw a boy running somewhere near me I almost screamed Stefan's name before realizing that this wasn't him. I was trying to prevent myself from collapsing in the middle of nowhere, that was how much on edge I felt. I didn't want to think what could've happened to him, he was just so little, so small and vulnerable, anyone could just do something to him. I should've never left him alone, I should've never neglected him the way I did. I haven't even been talking much in the past week and I knew that he surely wasn't in his best mood since we got back to school.

"Damon!" I heard someone's sharp voice behind me and turned abruptly around only to see Fletcher running towards me. "Damon!" he yelled again now more relaxed "Thanks God, I found you."

"Fletcher." I was on the verge of crying "Do you know something?" that was my first thought. For a moment there in my mind I prayed that Stefan has just gone to Simon.

"No" he shook his head apologetically "Your aunt called and I figured you could be here. I'll help you find him." there was some kind of determination in his voice. I didn't want him here honestly. That was my problem to deal with, I had to find my brother, because it was my fault he has disappeared in the first place. There was another thought in my mind though, one I tried to bury deep inside and it was that Fletcher being here next to me will make him realize that I am a bad brother who doesn't know how to take care of his closest relative. I didn't want him to realize how badly I've screwed up because I respected him as a person and he meant a lot to me. I looked up to him and now what? I've screwed and he would be witnessing it.

I let a deep sigh out in desperation when I realized that he was still standing in front of me, waiting for some reaction. There wasn't a sign of pity in his look, only this calm stubbornness of his that he won't be leaving me.

"I don't know where the hell he is, Fletcher!" I yelled helplessly.

"Think!" he interrupted me before I've continued to feel sorry for my inability to figure out the place he could've went to. He seemed like the stronger one in this situation and I actually let myself feel grateful towards him for a moment. He was the smart one now, I was just only a pile of useless emotions, unable to walk a straight line "Just think, Damon."

"I can't! I'm terrified!" he went by my side and caught my shoulders

"Think!" I looked him in the eyes, he was persistent "What did he say lately? Did he ever asked you to go somewhere with him?"

"I-I just don't" for a moment I staggered and then it hit me. Did he ever ask you to go somewhere with him? _"I want to go see momma!"_ his voice echoed in my head _"Damon, please, I want to go see mom!" _"The cemetery! He's at the cemetery!" I yelled and tried to surpass him, but he was fast enough to catch my shoulder yet again.

"Wait!" I was about to start yelling at him. My brother was out there right now. I had to find him and he was delaying me "I'll drive." he added with a light smile and we went by his car. I was so impatient I was going to rip out the door, before he could even unlock it. "Are you sure, Damon?"

"Absolutely. He's been nagging about seeing mother for ages. He misses her." as I sat back on the seat my brother's words echoed yet again in my mind _"You don't remember, do you?"_ and then I remembered. Two nights ago, when I've come home late he was still awake in his bed. He stood straight and I scolded him for not sleeping. He has had a bad dream again, because there were tears coming down his face. He asked me if we can go see mom and I was just so tired I didn't even listen to him. So he continued his pleadings as I was putting my pajama on. I was so frustrated and lost in my own thoughts that I just said yes to everything he was saying. It hit me just right now _"So you promise we'll go?"_his silent hoarse voice suddenly found its way back in my conscious _"Yes"_ I've responded. I made a promise I didn't even remember.

"Good." he just answered. I liked how Fletcher just agreed to everything. He didn't question me or my logic, he just said-hop up and let's go there find your brother. He understood me. I can't believe that someone out here understood me. Maybe it was because even though we knew each other better for a short while he was still sure that if the situation was reversed I would be by his side just as he is by mine now. I'm pretty sure that he drove with more than the limited speed, but he didn't care and neither did I. I just wanted to get there and to find him before he has frozen to death.

When he stopped, I hopped up from my seat and without even closing the door ran into the cemetery. I heard Fletcher yelling behind me, but I didn't even pay him attention. I could still distinguish his steps somewhere close. I knew the path to mother's grave by heart. In the first months after she died I often came here all alone, without Stefan, feeling the need that I have to talk to her, to receive some guidance, to find an answer to a question I couldn't figure out. It was like a place I could find peace and think of what I could do in a certain situation. I mainly asked her about Stefan, I had such problems making him talk or eat or even sleep in the first months after she died. I needed her and she wasn't here. She just wasn't here anymore and that thought broke my heart.

"Stefan! Stefaaaan!" I was yelling with all the strength my voice had "Stefan!" nobody responded and for a moment, before I've even come closer to the grave I felt like someone punched me in the stomach, because I was afraid I would turn out to be wrong and he wouldn't have come here after all.

And then I stopped running. I was finally here and he was right in front of me, sitting in the cold dirt, leaning his little back on the gravestone, his small palm resting on top of it. His eyes were closed, his face was extremely pale and his lips were blue. What I saw broke my heart-I never knew a five year old kid could be so lost and hopeless that he would grip a stone with all the strength he has, because he wants to feel his mother's warm embrace just for one more time. He was a dreamer, my brother, just a little dreamer.

"Stefan!" I kneeled beside him and shook him up "Stefan!" he didn't open his eyes, I touched his little hand only to realize how cold it was. I picked him up in my embrace "Stefan, come on buddy. Come on!" he finally opened his eyes and he they were just so tired "Heyy,hey, buddy." I smiled in a desperate relieve. I felt a tear coming down my face "You're okay, buddy." I was once again not trying to console him, but myself.

"Damon" Fletcher has just come by my side. Once he saw us he stopped abruptly for a moment as he probably realized that whatever he was witnessing here, was more than heartbreaking-it was desperately sad. He took off his jacket and helped me cuddle Stefan in it. "Come on. He's freezing, we have to go." Fletcher was once again the active one. I don't think I would've been able to make my legs move with my brother's small cold body in my hands. I pressed my lips on his cold forehead and he once again opened his green eyes.

"Damy?" he whispered as we started walking.

"Shhh, it's fine now, it's all fine." he moved up a little and then started coughing. He was trembling in my embrace so hard that I was afraid I might drop him.

When we got back in the car Fletcher found a blanket in his back seat and we wrapped Stefan with it.

"We need to take him to the hospital" Fletcher said worriedly. I felt as if he was taking care of us like he was taking care of Simon. He drove away and I couldn't even figure out what to say, I brushed my tears and searched for Stefan's hand. He gripped my fingers since he couldn't embrace my whole palm.

"It's okay" I kept repeating "It's all fine." I smiled at him as if he was a baby I was trying to prevent from crying. But he wasn't crying, he was just calmly silent-that's how cold he was. I don't think he had the strength to say or do anything. On the way to the hospital he closed his eyes, while I was trying to keep him awake. Then all of a sudden he started coughing again, but it was nothing like what I've heard before. I tried to raise him up a bit and he wrapped his little hands on my neck. His blond hair was gently tickling my cheek as he was tearing up in my arms.

"Damy." he silently spoke my name and it meant the whole world. It meant _"Please help me"_ and it meant _"Hold me tight"_ it meant _"I need you"_ and I could feel myself falling apart with every passing minute. Fletcher was too busy trying to figure out a way to get us to the hospital fast, but safely and when we finally stopped in front of it, he came by my side to open the door. I tried to hurry up, but I also didn't want to make Stefan more uncomfortable than he already was. When we got inside, Fletcher went to find our doctor, without me even asking for it. He just knew and I was so glad that he understood me with only one look. It felt as if he was my older brother and he was doing everything in his power to help me. I silently thanked God that he decided to come look for me in the park. "I'm cold." I heard Stefan's silent voice and hugged him even tighter as sat on one of the benches in the hallway.

Please be okay, I silently prayed, please, brother, just be fine. I closed my eyes, trying to prevent the tears from coming down. I was a strong person, I never cried. I couldn't cry-not now when my brother was freezing to death in my own hands. I am Damon Salvatore-I don't cry. I stand up and protect my brother from everything in this world.

I am Damon Salvatore-I am a brother, I am a son, I am a nephew, I am a friend.

I am Damon Salvatore and my brother's Stefan. I am not leaving him for the world. I am never leaving him.

"Damon!" I heard Fletcher's voice and looked up. Doctor Williams was by his side and that made me relax. At least I knew I was leaving my brother in good hands. I knew they were going to take him away from my embrace in a matter of seconds, so I just slowly leaned to his small blond head and whispered in his ear.

"Don't you dare do something stupid now, brother." then I kissed his cheek "Don't _**you**_ now dare leave me." I added as the nurse pulled him away from my arms.

I felt Fletcher's hand gripping my shoulder so hard that it hurt.

I am Damon Salvatore. And I am all alone.

**A/N: If I have to be absolutely honest here, I didn't plan to make this story that serious at all. Enjoy, I'm having exams next week so I won't update that fast. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Damon's POV**

Aunt Sarah came to the hospital about an hour later, in which time Fletcher remained by my side. I wasn't willing to talk at all, I just buried my hands in my head and sat down, waiting for the doctor to come back with some kind of news that my little brother was all fine and everything will be okay, but the time passed slowly and no one came to us. Once aunt Sarah arrieved, I made Fletcher go home, even though he wasn't up to leaving me alone. He had his own problems to think of and staying here wouldn't solve them, he had to take care of his own brother and I had to take care of mine, though for now I was more than useless. He made me promise that I'll call him as soon as I understand what's going on, no matter what the time is, but I knew that I wouldn't dare even bother him after midnight in a house full of kids.

Aunt Sarah was extremely nervous and kept asking me questions I did not have the answer to, which made me even more on edge than I already was. I didn't know why he was there, I didn't know why he decided to just leave the house, I didn't know what was going on inside his little mind, what was he thinking, what made him do this in the first place. But she was an adult, she needed answers, she needed to find the key to his behavior, to understand why on earth was he acting like that when it was just that simple-he was a boy who lost his mother and she meant the whole world to him. That should be enough of an answer-his entire existence was simply turned upside down and he had no idea what he should do to make things alright again, he wanted everything to be how it was before, but that wasn't happening and he had to suddenly get used to living in a new way. But he was just a boy, he would never be able to fix the world, not even his own one.

Aunt Sarah kept talking next to me, but I didn't pay her any attention. There was just so much going on my mind so I stood up and started walking up and down while she suddenly became silent. I guess she realized I'm not up to talking at all. She was pale, her face was tired, I knew she would need to go to work in the morning and then take care of her own children since uncle Kevin was leaving for California at the end of the week.

"You should go home." I told her after a while.

"It's my fault." she responded with her head down "I should've never yelled at him that much."

"Aunt Sarah, it's not your fault." I tried to reason with her. Honestly, I wasn't up to consoling her, the only thing I could actually comprehend right now was that my brother was in a room somewhere in this hospital and I had no idea what was going on with him. I could still feel his little cold body pressed to my chest and it made the weight inside me grow with every passing minute. It's been almost two hours since they took him away goddamit, why is nobody telling us what's going on. I could see nurses and doctors passing in front of us, it seemed to be a relatively busy night.

"I'm seriously screwing up in this" she said again and I slowly came by her side. She looked up and I tried to give her a reassuring look although I couldn't even calm myself down.

I sat down by her side so unwillingly, because the only thing I craved to do was just run all over this damn hospital and find where my brother was. I only wanted to see him, to make sure he's breathing and that he's fine. But instead I searched for the strength inside me to sit down beside my aunt and explain to her that things in life just screw up sometimes. Actually, too many times for us.

"You're doing a perfect job." I started silently "You're taking care of us, of him. You make sure that we have something to eat, you buy us clothes, you scold us and you are kind to us. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to do, aunt Sarah." she smiled and gently stroked the back of my head as I looked down for the millionth time today, because honestly, there wasn't anything in front me except emptiness and fear. And I didn't want to face fear, I wanted to remain like I was now-holding myself together, even if it was with the last strength I was left inside with. "It's not your fault" I let a sigh out "It's mine. I am his brother, I should've paid attention to his words." the guilt was finding its way back, making it hard for me to breath.

"No" she interrupted me with this determination in her voice that almost made me smile. "You might feel like you're older, because you've been through hell already, but you are also a kid" she said seriously "and because of the good person and man that you've been lately, I forget that. I forget it, because I trust you with so many things and there are times at night when I just think how stupid I am to let this pass in front of my mind."

"Let pass what?" I asked confused.

"You are sacrificing your childhood for this family, Damon." she said now sadly and I looked up surprised by her words. "You are supposed to be in the best years of your life, to act crazy, to go to parties, to drink and be in love and instead you're taking care of your brother and helping me out. "

"That's nothing" I disagreed. She wasn't right, I was just doing what was necessary, what was right. I couldn't be just a kid anymore. My brother-yes, he was, but me-I feel like I started rapidly growing up ever since mother died. I just had to take responsibility, because sometimes there was no one else to do that.

"It's everything, Damon" she said simply "It's absolutely everything."

I was about to answer her when I saw doctor Williams and a nurse heading our way. Aunt Sarah traced my worried glance and as she realized what I was looking at she stood up abruptly. I followed her lead and felt my legs trembling. The approached us as slowly as possible or maybe that's what it looked like to me since I could feel my heart beating so fast in my chest it was going to explode soon. He gave us a sad smile and that was my cue that things weren't good.

"Mrs. Richards" he turned to my aunt "Damon." I nodded fast, worriedly, I wanted him to say something already, but my aunt was faster.

"What's going on, doctor? How is he?"

"Let's sit down, huh?" he asked and I knew that was never a good sign. They make people sit down when the words are bad. My aunt didn't oppose him though. I felt like if she did, the whole universe would just collapse. She was bend on doing what she was supposed to while I remained up. She caught my hand and nodded reassuringly, trying to calm me down. I didn't even realize at first that I've gripped her hand too tightly. "Last year" he started as we've finally settled down "your sister was in this same hospital with Stefan and I told her back then that if he gets better he'll still need to be taken care of, because he will develop a chronic condition. She didn't take my words seriously, she just wanted him to get healthy and he did, but later on his condition has obviously changed from better to worse and vice versa, depending on what the weather was and other factors. "

"Is he okay now?" she asked again, impatient for him to finally get to the point of the conversation.

He let a sigh out. I was afraid to look at him, to hear his words and try to comprehend them. I was actually scared for the first time after we came here, I felt my legs trembling so hard that probably the whole chair moved with me and tried to calm them down.

"He was freezing when he came here" he said calmly, but not judgingly "I don't know what exactly happened and I'm not going to ask, because I respect you and your family and I deeply care for what happened to your sister" he was talking to aunt Sarah as if I wasn't there at all. I realized that I might feel old, but in his eyes I was nothing more than a thirteen year old kid, standing patiently behind his aunt's back while the adults were trying to figure out what to do "We are now just trying to make his temperature drop and give him the opportunity to get some rest. I ran a few tests and made him an x-ray though and it seems like he's going through another pneumonia." aunt Sarah was the one to grip my hand this time and I realized that I've drifted away while he was talking. I was so worried, I felt sick, but I tried to keep myself together, because I could see she was falling apart. "So he'll have to stay here for at least a week."

"Can we see him?" I asked in desperation and he finally looked at me instead of my aunt, who was now trying to prevent her tears from falling down. She slowly ran her fingers through her hair as if this would help her calm down, but I felt her hand trembling in mine.

"No, not now, I'm sorry." he said seriously "He needs to rest. If he's better tomorrow morning I'll let you in."

"Please, sir" I continued to insist and he looked up at me surprised by my persistence "I just need to make sure he's fine." I noticed the nurse was looking at me, now paying attention to what was happening. She wasn't distracted no more and she gave an apologetic look.

He stood up and I did as well, determined to do whatever I have to, but to change his mind.

"I'm sorry, Damon. Not now." he just repeated "Excuse me, I have other patients to examine, I'll come back later" he added and passed by me. The nurse followed him, but on her way to the other way of the hall she turned around a few times while I stood there completely helpless.

Then I sat back down, still trying to process his words. For more than fifteen minutes we sat there in complete silence, without letting a word out. At some point I looked up at the clock on the wall against me and made the realization that it's hour past midnight.

"You need to get home, aunt Sarah."

"No" she shook her head "You need to get home. You have school tomorrow."

"I am not going to school."

"Damon." she tried to scold me, but I gave her my most serious look.

"I am not going to school until I know he's fine. Just forget about it, you won't make me."

She let a sigh out and put her hand on my shoulder.

"How on earth was I granted with the most stubborn kids in the world, huh?" she gave me a sad smile and I tried to return with the same "Seriously, Damon" she started again "you need to rest, you look awful."

"I am not leaving. I'll stay here." I wanted to make her realize that I'm not moving an inch away from this place.-But you need to go, you are working tomorrow.

"I can't leave you!" she protested and tried to argue with me again, but I hurried to catch her hand again so I would calm her down.

"It's fine. You go take care of Emily and Jane, I'll stay here and you'll come tomorrow after work, okay?"

It took me more than half an hour to convince her. I could see her-she was feeling guilty, she couldn't just leave us here all alone right now, she was responsible for us and father of course, but God knows where he was right now. Probably drunk death in some gutter miles from here. She knew we were all alone, that Stefan was sick, that I was on the verge of falling apart and yet there was no other way out-she had her own kids, who have gone to bed all alone tonight, a husband who hasn't seen her much and who was going away for a whole month in just a few days. She was leaving her kids motherless because of us and the mistakes we made and I knew, God, I knew, she has made a promise to my mother to keep us save, to take care of us, but I highly doubt that my mother, on her deathbed was actually able to realize how hard this would be for aunt Sarah. She was doing more than enough already. If I have to be completely honest, when mom died and she came to tell us that she'll take care of us the best she can I doubted her words. Yeah, I thought that she would come occasionally by our house to make sure we're alive and breathing, so to say, but I definitely didn't expect her to buy us food and clothes or make sure that we write our homework. In other words-I never expected her to act as a mother.

Eventually, after many persuasions she left and said she would call me every two hours, not that anything would happen. They probably wouldn't tell me anything more. I kept walking up and down the corridor in desperate attempt to calm myself down. An hour or two passed like this and I couldn't figure out what to do, but I was becoming more and more impatient, even though I was tired like hell. I couldn't realize that only hours ago I was running towards the graveyard, trying to find him and now we were here. How fast did things actually work? Why was it like this? In a minute he could be happily jumping in our room and in the next he was freezing to death. Then again why was I questioning this in the first place-the situation with mother was just the same, she was here, happy, cooking for us both in the kitchen, playing with Stefan and me, going to work and then she got sick and died in such a short time.

"Hey, excuse me?" I heard someone's voice behind my back and turned abruptly only to face the nurse that was accompanying doctor Williams "You're Stefan's brother?" she asked kindly and smiled at me. She seemed young, but kind and she was holding a bunch of folders in her hands.

"Yes." I confirmed "Can you tell me how he's doing?"

'Look, I know you want to see him, but the doctor is right. It's better if you wait." she was explaining to me as if I was my brother's age, I guess she probably saw me like this-just a teenager with a broken reality "But, I can walk you to his room and you can take a look from the window if you like?"

"Really?" I asked and she nodded with a big smile. She seemed happy with herself. I nodded and she headed down the hall while I followed quite uncertain behind her. I wanted to see him so much and now I felt the fear consuming me again. I didn't want to imagine him sick and in pain, so I tried to get rid of those pictures from my head and yet I couldn't. Because in my mind I could hear his coughs and his heavy breathing and it was what tore my soul apart. For a minute there along the way I wanted to stop and just turn back, because I wasn't sure how much strength I was left with for tonight, but I went on. I knew I had to keep going. She suddenly stopped, without me expecting it at all and turned towards one of the smaller windows in this hallway, she looked through it with concern, as if what she was seeing didn't please her, but for a moment she forgot her initial worries, whatever they might have been and turned towards me only to nod in reassurance and convince me to come closer.

I came by her side with my head bend down, only so I could lift it up once I was sure I was ready to see what was going on in this room. What a fool I was. What a damn fool I was. I could never be ready for seeing my brother like this.

He was lying in a bed, way bigger for his size, but still a kid's one. His eyes were closed and there was one of those oxygen mask on his face. He has cuddled up on the right side and they've tugged him up with a warm blanket. He seemed so pale, so small as if he's barely holding on in this world, as if he didn't belong to it at all. Every now and then he was abruptly moving his little feet as if he was having a bad dream or something and I couldn't figure out if he was trembling or if he was in pain. I felt my eyes full of tears and turned around so I could lean on the wall since I needed something to support me.

"Hey" I heard the nurse's voice "Hey, are you fine?" she asked with concern. I cleared my throat and ran my hand nervously through my fingers.

"Yeah, yeah I am fine, thanks."

"He's going to be okay, we just need some time to bring him back on his feet, yeah?" she tried to convince me with a big smile on her face. "You should better go home now, the doctor won't let you in now for sure, there's no point in staying here."

"No" I shook my head "I can't." she didn't oppose me, she just gave me another sad smile "He" I started "he is afraid of doctors and when he wakes up he'll be confused." I said out of nowhere, without any intentions of speaking up about anything concerning my brother at all. "He'll be scared" I repeated.

"It's fine, I'll make sure he calms down." She assured me "Is there anyone you would like me to call-your mother or father?"

"No, my mom's dead and my father he" I stuttered and looked away because I didn't want to face her pitiful look "he's out of town."

She nodded slowly and lead me out of there since I wasn't supposed to be in this hallway at all, but she has made an exception. Why exactly-it was still a mystery to me. I slowly walked back to the waiting room, feeling now sleepy more than anything else. I didn't even have a dollar to buy myself coffee so I just leaned back on one of the benches and closed my eyes since I was afraid that if I open them I'll probably just let the tears fall and I didn't want to cry right now.

I didn't want to think at all if I have to be completely honest, I just wanted to clear my mind and wake myself up so after an hour or so of napping in the waiting room, I went outside from the back entrance. I've been here before when mom was sick, there was a small park with some swings for the kids and a bunch of benches scattered in different places all over this dark place. When we came to visit mother, I took Stefan outside in desperate attempt to clear his mind. He knew that something was wrong and I could see he was scared, but he was just a kid, he still is just a kid and inside him there's always a hope that things will work out. He wishes for a happily ever after while I already know that such thing does not exist. Not in this life anyway.

I sat on one of the benches and observed the rising of the sun, there weren't many people here, only a few nurses, doctors who went out for a smoke and a few people in wheelchairs who probably didn't have the opportunity to sleep and went outside. Aunt Sarah called me once again, like she's been doing all night in different hours and instructed me to go back inside in case the doctor comes. I didn't tell her that I saw him, because that was something I want to keep to myself. The pain was too much anyway and trying to explain her how I've never in my life before have I seen him so helpless wouldn't do her any good. But I listened to her and went back in, even though I wanted to stay out here for as long as I could. Once I was back inside Fletcher called me as well and I realized that he must be on his way to school. It terrified me how fast time passed and yet nothing significant happened. I wondered a lot before answering him, but eventually since he was obviously persistent to find me, I picked up.

"Hey, Damon, what's going on?" it was noisy around him, I figured he must be in the bus with Simon "What happened?"

I let a sigh out, where should I start here? My brother's going through another pneumonia and they can't figure what the consequences of it will be or that I spent a sleepless night alone here wondering what the hell are we going to do from now on?

"He's not very good, Fletcher." I just said and he figured that I'm having a hard time talking, I noticed it by the way he changed his voice.

"Did you stay there the whole night?"

"Yes" I let a sigh out "I'm still waiting for them to let me see him. " he grunted unpleased with what was going on, but still hurried to respond. I could hear the kids joyfully talking all around him, it was hard to talk right now, but I was still glad that he decided to call.

"Good, so then I'll come by after school, yeah?"

"No, Fletcher" I tried to protest "You have other stuff to take care of, I'll be fine, aunt Sarah will come soon as well."

"Oh shut up, I'm coming" he cut me off without even considering hearing me out "And she left you alone there? Are these people insane?" I almost laughed at his reaction, he could understand the situation and quite honestly, I didn't expect him to. We talked a little more, but I hung up on him when I saw the doctor approaching me. I stood up abruptly while he greeted me with a light smile.

"Your brother just woke up." he said calmly "You can come see him now if you want. He was asking about you."

I had a hard time finding words to thank him so I just nodded and he leaded me down the hallway, which I was supposed to be seeing for the first time in my life. This time the blinds on the window were down and I couldn't see him from outside so I took a deep breath before entering the room. When we finally did and I met his tired green eyes I tried to smile, with all the strength I was left with. He was lying in the same bed, still wrapped up in the blanket, he seemed very sleepy. The doctor went by his side and removed the mask from his face so we can talk some.

"Damy?" he asked and I finally approached his bed and tried to sit up, but the doctor gently pushed him back on the pillow, warning him not to move up. There was a chair next to it, but I sat on the bed beside his small feet. The doctor put his hand on my shoulder, in a desperate attempt to bring my attention back to him

"I'll come back soon, okay? Don't let him get tired." he warned me and went outside. For a minute or two I just looked at him, trying to keep the tears from falling. Then I leaned down and gently took him in my arms for a big hug. I rocked him slowly in my embrace before he started coughing and so I let him back down only to gently stroke his hair. He was gripping my hand.

"Damy, what's going on?" his voice was barely audible "Why are we here?" he seemed confused, but I guess too tired to let his fear sink in. He was barely keeping his eyes up.

"Don't you remember what happened?" I asked a little scared that he doesn't recall.

"I went outside" he started "to see momma."

"Yeah" I nodded now a little bit more relaxed "And then me and Fletcher found you and brought you here."

"When can we go home?"

"You need to stay here for some time, brother. You're sick and the doctors want to make sure you get better before we go back home." he looked at me disappointedly, but once again I realized he was too tired to oppose in any way.

"I'm sorry." he said after a while. I could see it was hard for him to catch his breath, his chest was moving slowly up and down as if every move cost enormous efforts.

"It's fine, buddy." his green eyes popped up again, full of regret, he thought I would scold him and he seemed surprised that I didn't. Actually I would do that, but when I'm sure he's better. I had to talk to him about it anyway, I wanted to understand why he did it in the first place, but now wasn't the right moment. I could see him struggling with every attempt to breath, he often coughed and turned from one side to the other.

"I'm tired, Damy" he said after a while "And I'm scared." he admitted. I've never heard him say it out like this before-with so much sadness and honesty.

"There's nothing to be scared of" I gently rubbed his back. "I am here and I won't leave you." I assured him "Aunt Sarah will come soon as well. You're not alone."

"Yeah" he nodded and closed his eyes again. I think he was about to doze off, he couldn't even stay awake for fifteen minutes and that broke my heart. "Will you stay here now?" he asked with a sleepy voice.

"Yeah, absolutely." I assured him and tugged him with the blanket.

He fell asleep and woke up back in half an hour from his own coughs and that repeated for the next few hours. When aunt Sarah saw him she went paler than he was, but she tried to pull herself together and surprisingly for me she managed to do so. We didn't leave him for the whole day, until the doctor kicked us out later in the afternoon. Aunt Sarah kept insisting that I go home and when Fletcher came he practically caught me by the collar and let me out of the hospital under aunt Sarah's approving look. They were on the same side when it came to making me do something no matter how I resisted.

Fletcher took me to a diner where we grabbed some hamburgers. I realized I haven't eaten since aunt Sarah called me back from our room after the fight with Stefan, which seemed like ages ago. Fletcher tried to talk to me, to lift my mood up, but I was just tired, I had no desire to indulge in any kind of conversation and he could see it so he slowly walked me back home and told me to take care of myself. Hah, to take care of myself? What a funny thing to say, I thought.

When I went inside our dismal kitchen I looked up at the clock and realized it was just about midnight. Thanks to the dim light coming from a barely holding itself together bulb which surprisingly mirrored my goddamn life, I found my way to the fridge and got myself some milk. I sat on the table-completely powerless and hopeless, thinking about everything that's been going on in our lives and how nothing actually made sense. It was a mad mad world we were living in, a sad one.

This house used to be full of childish laughter, everything was brighter, everything was happier, somehow containing the promise for a great future and a great life ahead of me and my brother and now that seemed to have vanished in the air just like that. Though that wasn't the problem-it was that I couldn't figure out how this could even happen. It made me question everything around me, it made me doubt myself and my abilities to be the brother and the son I was supposed to be. I accidentally looked down beside me and saw his backpack and his drawings sticking up from it. Without even thinking twice I pulled them out of it. I remembered how eager he was to hide them when I've come home the other evening. I opened up the folder he used for keeping his lists, it was a blue one, his favorite color and his name was in the left corner, written by aunt Sarah so he wouldn't mistake it with someone else's.

When I opened it there was a small note, written probably from the teacher. It was an assignment: _Draw a dream of yours._ I took a look at the first picture-it was of two grown boys, dressed in uniforms with big backpacks, rifles in their hands and helmets on their heads . The blond one has put his arm over the shoulder of the other one, who had glasses. I turned it around and saw my brother's uneven writing: _Simon and me as soldiers. _That was the thing that finally put a smile on my face tonight. The next one was again of a boy, but this time alone-it had my raven black hair and the blue sweater I usually wore outside, his smile was so wide it almost made me laugh how sweet it was. At first, I was afraid to turn it and see what he has written so I stared at it for a while and realized how good he really is in that thing. Then, because I wanted to prolong my inevitable curiosity I took a look at his other drawings, some of which I've seen before and that somehow made me smile more than I've ever had in the past month or so, my tiredness was overwhelming me and I could feel my eyelids close with every passing minute so I carefully pilled them back up in his folder, without the one that pictured me.

When I finally decided I have the guts to look at the back, I felt that awful punch of reality hit me right in the face like it has been doing constantly for the past few days or so. I wanted to smile and cry at the same time. His dreams were so ordinary and simple and yet full of meaning, because they completed his whole world. I was once again left speechless in the lonely dark kitchen. I took a look at his uneven big letters.

_Damon being happy-_it said on the back.

**A/N: I'm officially done with my exams and since I'm in a good mood, I decided to post this chapter, even though I had big doubts about it while writing it. Contrary to what you think-I do have a heart and it's actually hard to write sad stuff so yeah. Enjoy and I would appreciate your opinions on it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Stefan's POV**

The doctors made me stay in the hospital for six more days after Damon first got in my room and hugged me tight. Most of the times I felt very sleepy and I coughed a lot, but he was right by my side and he even stayed some nights next to me. I knew aunt Sarah was mad at him for not going to school, because I heard them argue one evening when they thought I was asleep, but I was too afraid to speak up and tell him that he should listen to her, because I honestly didn't want him to leave me. I tried not to cry when the nurse came in the morning, because she usually put a needle in my arm and I was so scared that I couldn't prevent myself from shaking. Damon tried to take my mind of it, but once I saw the door open, I knew what they were coming for and I was desperate to find ways and get away with it. I couldn't though. They made sure they keep me down in the bed and even Damon held my hand tight so I wouldn't move while they were examining me. He kept reminding me that the doctor was actually a good person, who would help me get better, but every time I saw him, I just hugged myself closer to Damon and held his hand tight.

Aunt Sarah and Damon were trying hard to make me feel comfortable, but I felt myself get angry all the time, probably because I couldn't sleep well and I was nervous and frustrated. I told Damon I just want it over it, that I want to go home and I know he understood me, but there wasn't much he could do and I didn't want to make him feel guilty. I missed Simon and even though I hated school-I missed that as well, probably because of him. I told that Damon and he laughed out loud, which made me laugh as well. I liked it when he was happy. Yesterday he brought me a card from Simon, which he drew himself. I liked it very much because he has written something like a letter inside it. I made Damon read it to me, because I was too tired for that right now. I think Fletcher was the one to write it, because the handwriting was too clean, but that didn't matter. The words mattered most, that's what momma used to say.

_Dear Lieutenant Salvatore, _

_According to what was reported to me from my brother-private Fletcher Fell, you are now hospitalized for which, I assure you, I am deeply sorry._

_However, since I know you are a tough soldier and a stubborn man, I am sure, you will be fine. I have no doubt that you will be on your feet in less than a week. _

_Which is why I hereby command you to be back on duty, on January 23, fully dressed and with your school backpack containing the necessary supplies for our survival there and wait for your captain at the bus stop. No excuses acceptable or you'll be reported._

_All my best (and get better my friend)_

_Your faithful captain and buddy_

_Simon Fell_

I don't know why, but Damon laughed a lot while reading it. I personally loved it.

"Why are you lieutenant and he's captain?" he asked while trying to stop laughing.

"Well cause there was this one time when we played and he put 33 bullets in me so my rank had to go low." I said with regret "He might not be seeing well, but his hearing is amazing. He always catches me while I'm trying to get out of the kitchen and move upstairs."

"Oh really?" Damon was still laughing, there were tears in his eyes and he was holding his tummy. I wasn't mad at him, I guess to him we looked very stupid. But it was a game and I liked playing it so it was all fine. I only wished I could become a real soldier one day or at least meet one soon "So you were in a dangerous zone, huh?"

"Yeaah" I said feeling sleepy "There are not many places to hide out there. I have to be more careful, but he always hits me. " I said sadly and Damon took me up in his lap and leaned on the wall as he usually did when he felt I was feeling worse. I hugged myself in him and he gently stroked my hair while I kept gripping the card Simon has given me. I didn't want to lose it.

"When are we going home?" I asked silently and he stopped rocking me lightly as he usually did when he wanted to help me fall asleep.

"Tomorrow." he sounded worried "But you'll have to stay at home some more before you go back to school." I let a sad sigh out and he scolded me for being impatient. I was surprised that him and aunt Sarah didn't yell at me much after I ran away to the graveyard. Maybe it was, because we were still here and not at home, I couldn't really get it. I thought Damon would hate me for what I did. I thought he would never forgive me. I still think he's pissed off, he's just hiding it good, because I keep causing them troubles and the doctors are not certain what will happen from now on.

"Damy?" I asked and opened up my eyes to his surprise "Are you angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry with you, buddy?" he asked confused and fixed the blanket he has put over me

"For running away" I spoke up silently, sheepishly "For getting sick and causing you troubles."

He shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows.

"I would never get mad at you for being sick." I relaxed and close my eyes "But I do want to know why you ran away, buddy?" he said now sadly.

"I missed her" I said simply "I still miss her, Damon. I miss her every day. I even miss her now." I said honestly "And I wish she could be here so that you wouldn't have to deal with me. "

This time he closed his eyes and I felt like he wants to cry as well, but he was trying hard not to. I stretched my hand and found his, which made him look up.

"Damon." I said pleadingly. I didn't like seeing him like this. I wanted to make him laugh like before when we read Simon's card.

"Don't do it again, Stefan" he said warningly "Never run away again, okay? You promise me that!"

"I'll never run away again." I said silently and closed my eyes since I felt like I just have no strength anymore. We remained like this for a while and I think he thought I've fallen asleep, because he gently moved to find the most comfortable place for him, but didn't let me go either way. "When we were here the first night" I started and he looked at me surprised that I hasn't dozed off "When I was alone here and the nurse came I felt really bad." he swallowed hard and wanted to start apologizing to me for something, but I guess I interrupted him before he could start. "I felt so bad, I thought I will become a star like momma." I admitted and I felt him sitting straight for a moment, forgetting that he was holding me in the first place.

"Stefan" he shook his head stubbornly. He looked scary when he was angry or confused and I couldn't understand which one was it now "Don't ever talk like that again! You are not going to become a star like mom. Not right now for sure." he seemed very tired.

"Yeah but Simon said we are all gonna die, once when we played, and I know he's right." I said feeling a bit more confident "He said soldiers die, ordinary workers die, even doctors die. And so that means they also become stars like momma, don't they?"

Damon let a sigh out.

"We all die, Stefan. We all become stars at one point. But you're too young now and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you're not going to die." he repeated his previous sentence. "You want to become a soldier, don't you?" I nodded since I was tired to speak up and he could see it, so he smiled "And so you will. You'll grow up, you'll sign in and you'll help people. And I'm sure you'll even have a better rank than lieutenant." I smiled and closed my eyes again, but then I remembered something I wanted to ask him for a long time and never had the chance to, maybe because I was afraid to say it out loud.

"Is it true that Simon will go blind, Damy?" he seemed again surprised by my question, but he tried to hide his concern and looked away. He didn't respond me at first, so I just waited for him patiently, but when he didn't say anything I spoke up again "Is it?" I needed confirmation

"The doctors say so." he finally let out.

"Well the doctors can go screw themselves-my friend is never going blind!"

"Stefan! Don't talk like this, brother!" he scolded me and I blushed. But I could feel he wasn't mad at me, he was just surprised I spoke up like this.

"I'm sorry, Damy." I looked up at him pleadingly, trying to make him understand.

"It's fine." he relaxed and I closed my eyes again "Just don't say those words."

"My friend is never going blind." I repeated. "He is not." I stubbornly continued and I felt myself dozing off in his warm embrace. I felt safe when he was holding me, I felt like nothing could ever happen to me.

**Damon's POV**

Stefan soon fell asleep, but I didn't put him down in the bed, instead I kept hugging him, because I knew that this way he felt safer. Plus I was hoping he wouldn't wake up from his own coughs again. The past week has been very uptight. There were evenings when the doctor didn't allow us to stay with him, just because he was too bad and they needed to take care of him most of the time. He was usually most energetic when he woke up in the mornings, but that passed fast after he got lunch. It was hard for him to stay awake or to do anything else actually. He was scared, gosh, he was so scared some times that it scared me too, but he never cried, he just looked at me apologetically, because he thought he was causing us trouble.

Aunt Sarah and me-we were doing everything we could to keep him optimistic and to make him smile and most of the times we succeeded. I brought him some of his teddy bears and that definitely made him more comfortable, then aunt Sarah got him the crayons, but he was tired and it was hard for him to focus on drawing so we didn't push him to.

I tried to take him outside in the yard a few times and he loved it, but it was hard for him to stay straight long, so I had to carry him and he usually fell asleep in my embrace as always. What he hated most was when they were giving him medications or when the doctor had to examine him. It was hard for us to keep him down since once when he saw the doctor coming from the window he would start trying to figure a way out of it. I sensed it when this happened and I held him tight, without giving him the opportunity to move too much. That totally broke my heart, aunt Sarah couldn't watch it when they had to do all those stuff so she just waited outside and cried silently. I had to keep him down, to push him to the bed and it was so hard for me to watch him like this, to hear his pleadings to just let him go. At first the doctor wasn't very optimistic about letting him go after a week and I honestly agreed with him-I couldn't bear the awful sound his lungs were producing and I thought it's better if he stayed there some more, but as the days passed he slowly started getting better and begged me to finally take him home, which is why we were leaving tomorrow.

Aunt Sarah never left us alone, even though I knew that she has a lot on her plate as well. She even took a few days off from work and stayed with Stefan all the time while she and Fletcher kicked my ass, so to say, and send me back to school. I was very much against it, because I wanted to be with Stefan, especially in the mornings, when he was better and more talkative. I wanted to keep him company and cheer him up, but I couldn't. By the time I would go there, it would be past three and he would be feeling beaten to death and barely keeping himself up and that made me sad.

Watching him like this-it was hard, but the thought of not being able to do anything to actually help him was what killed me inside. I could see him in pain, sleepless, having nightmares, because his temperature was high, being delusional and mistaking aunt Sarah for mom and that brought me to an edge. Both aunt Sarah and me actually. She had a hard time accepting what was happening as well. I think that only now did she realize what my mom went through with Stefan last winter in the same place when he was sick-she was heartbroken, mainly because she could see her child in pain and there wasn't anything she could do. We had a very hard time making him eat anything and the doctors said it was important for him to regain his energy and strength. He didn't want to put a bite in his mouth, even when I spent hours persuading him that he should. He just said he was too tired and not hungry. Aunt Sarah got pissed off one night and scolded him a lot, because she couldn't let him keep going on like this. I felt bad when she yelled at him, but I knew it was for his best. He didn't cry, though, but I saw tears in his eyes. For a moment he got scared and hugged himself in me, but I tried to give him a stern look and support aunt Sarah in this, since it was important, so somehow by the end of the week we made things a little better in this department. He was responding to the medications, though slowly and we were worried, no matter how much the doctors persuaded us that it was going to be fine. He was a kid and he just needed more time to get on his feet.

Most of the time, when I got home late after midnight, all I could think of was how he was in pain for yet another day and I couldn't figure a way out. Fletcher came by my house a few times and we talked a lot, even drank some beer and watched basketball, but lately he had his own troubles with Simon and they had to take him to a doctor in Atlanta, since there was something wrong with his sight again. He was pretty much on edge like I was and I could see that-we were going through a very rough moment in our lives and we were torturing ourselves with what was happening before our eyes with our little brothers. Sometimes I thought things for him were even worse, because he had to take care of Simon and his other brothers, while his father and mother were away at work-he had a big weight on his shoulders and I surely admired him for his strength. One night, I even told him that and he said that he wasn't strong at all, he was just too busy thinking about how he has to fix things and let his own emotions just drown in the reality, which I found to be very sad.

I wanted to spent the night with Stefan, but the nurse kicked me out around midnight, so aunt Sarah and me went back in the morning to get him all dressed up and ready to go. She had many documents to fill in, so she gave me the stuff and I went to deal with him. The doctor was checking him up one last time and Stefan was grumpy, even though morning was his best time of the day. When we were finally alone, he gave me his wide smile though. I took the clothes out of the bag-aunt Sarah has bought him a new blue sweater to keep him warm, other than that his clothes weren't that bright and shiny, but it was all fine. I think that was the least of our problems. I leaned down to help him get his pajama off, but he interrupted me for a big hug before I've even started doing so.

"Heyyy, buddy! What's that for?" I asked as I was gently caressing his back. I could still hear the awful whistle his lungs were producing and that made me realize that maybe going out of here doesn't mean everything is going to be alright once we leave. He would still be sick and he needed care.

"I just missed you, that's all." he said and blushed a little that he allowed himself to get like this. He started undressing himself slowly, without my help and I took the time to gather his stuff. My look stopped on aunt Sarah and the doctor talking eagerly outside about something. He was explaining something to her, showing her some documents and I furrowed my eyebrows, because judging by her worried look, they weren't talking about something pleasant. She looked up for a moment and met my gaze, but hurried to escape it and got her attention back to the doctor.

"Damy, I can't find my sleeve" Stefan's confused voice brought me back to reality and when I saw him, it almost made me laugh since he was struggling to put his left hand into the right place and get himself dressed. I kneeled down and helped him figure how to do this thing. He furrowed his eyebrows though, he wasn't pleased with himself.

"I can never do this right! I always mess up."

"It's fine, Stefan. You're doing great." I assured him

"I don't want you to do everything for me. I'm a big boy now, right? That's what you and aunt Sarah always say." he asked and aunt Sarah herself opened the door only to grand us both a big smile, which wasn't good enough to delude me-she was worried about something.

"You ready, boys?" she asked and went by Stefan's side, only so she would take her comb out and gently fix his hair since it was a mess. Stefan tried to pull away but she got him by the shoulder, scolded him and he remained in one place, holding tight his little Lincoln under his left arm.

"Damy, are we really going home?" Stefan asked me and I granted him a reassuring smile

"You are" aunt Sarah said before I could even speak up "But you gotta stay there for a while before you go back to school."

He was about to start protesting, but I gave him a stern look, reminding him that now is not a good time to oppose her so he looked down to his shoes while we were filling up the bag with the rest of his stuff.

"Is everything okay, aunt Sarah?" I asked while Stefan couldn't hear us "You seemed worried. Did the doctor say something?"

"No, it's all fine. He just reminded me that we should be careful with him is all." she cut me off a bit too abruptly, which meant there was indeed something else, but she was just not willing to talk about it now so I decided to let it go. We took Stefan out of the room and I offered to carry him, but he insisted to walk on by himself. By the time we went outside though he staggered a few times and I stopped walking.

"Come on, Stef, come here." I said but he shook his head stubbornly.

"No, I wanna walk."

"Stefan, listen to your brother. Don't cause me headaches just as we've got outside the hospital." she said harshly and he stopped looking up at me with regret. I believed that he thought everything he was doing now was simply wrong, no matter what and I hated him to feel like this so I just got him in my arms and he silently hugged himself in me. I gave aunt Sarah a disagreeing look, but she was too much lost in her own world, obviously thinking about something and didn't pay any attention to me. On our way home, Stefan once again fell asleep which made me doubt our decision to take him home now yet again. It wasn't good that he slept that much and it scared me, but I just swallowed hard and shook my head in a desperate attempt to get this off my mind. Aunt Sarah walked before us since she had the keys, but once she put them in the door just opened. For a moment we both stopped and looked at each other while we were desperately realizing what was going on. Only one person left the door open, because he wasn't sane enough to remember and lock it: _father_.

She swallowed hard and nodded me as if she was trying to warn me to behave. I just hugged Stefan closer to me, not thinking about myself at all. Suddenly, I was back to feeling on edge. It made me wonder why it took him so much time to get back, and why on earth, did he decide to come home today. Faith was screwing me up yet again. As we just got inside Stefan started moving up, he was coughing again and it woke him up like it's been happening for the past week. He opened his big green eyes and looked up, only so I would make the realization how big the dark circles he had were. I hugged him back and made him lean on me while he continued trembling from his own coughing in my hands. Aunt Sarah was taking his shoes off while I was still holding him, trying to calm him down when father opened the kitchen door. He didn't seem that drunk as he was able to not fall right in our feet, but to actually take a look at us. He noticed Stefan trying to catch his breath in my arms and kept his look on him longer than I expected. He seemed surprised for a moment, but that quickly changed and he returned back to his indifferent look.

"He needs water" I said and decided to head to the kitchen, but aunt Sarah went in my way and prevented me to do so. Father, obviously having forgotten his initial intentions went back inside and she followed him slowly, with still the same serious expression on her face.

"I'll get you water, you take him back in your room and put him to bed." she instructed and I unwillingly agreed with her. Once Stefan saw father he got scared and tried to hide his face in my embrace. He didn't want to see him closely, it was scaring the hell out of him and I knew that he wasn't trembling only because he was coughing, but because he was scared and he was trying to keep himself together since it came as a surprise to us all that father's here in the first place.

Stefan pulled away from my embrace and went to his bed slowly. At first he sat and took off his sweater.

"Don't undress, it's cold here." I warned him

"But I'm hot." he said silently and I went by his side to touch his forehead. He wasn't burning up, not for now at least. I made him lie down and tucked him with the blanket. "Don't go there, Damy." he pleaded me. He was scared that we would fight again so he caught my hand and tried to keep me close next to him "Please, don't go" he repeated still sounding scared.

"It's all gonna be fine, Stefan." I tried to reassure him and hoped that he would soon fall asleep since I really just wanted to go to the kitchen and hear what they were talking about. I had the bad feeling aunt Sarah was hiding something.

"You said this last time as well." he stated sadly "But then you got into a fight." he was once again doubting the grown-up's words. I didn't respond him, simply because I had no idea what else to say in order to convince him. He just doubted everything now, he wasn't the naïve kid he once was and I sure as hell wasn't trying to make him go back to his old self with all my actions and stupid decisions. I sat by his side and hoped for him to calm down soon, but since he didn't, I stood up and went to the kitchen while he was too tired and powerless to be able to oppose me or try and keep me by his side. I left out door room slightly open so I could hear if he asks for me, which probably wasn't going to happen, he would surely just get too tired of his own suffering and fall asleep soon. I wanted to bring him water though, as aunt Sarah has obviously forgotten about that, but just as I was about to storm into the kitchen I stopped and listened to their conversation.

"So what?" my father's hoarse from the drinking and the cigarettes voice was filling in the whole kitchen, making it look like an even darker place than it was in the first place. "You're telling me the boy is sick."

"He's not just a boy Giuseppe, he's your son" aunt Sarah protested

"He's weak." my father stated "He was sick last winter when _she_ was still here, he's sick now again. " I realized he didn't even have the strength to say my mother's name out loud "He won't last long." he said knowingly and that made me clench my fists

"How dare you talk like this for your own child!" aunt Sarah suddenly got pissed off and left whatever work she was doing at the sink, only so she could approach him on the table. I couldn't see them well, only from the small hole of the unclosed door. "Where were you when he was freezing to death, huh? Where were you when he was barely breathing in his brother's arms? Where were you when we couldn't make him stay put, because he was scared of the doctors?" my father grunted and wanted to interrupt her, but she was faster "Where the hell were you when he mistook me for his own mother?"

"Enough!" he yelled and hit the table with his own fist, which almost caused in me bursting in as well. I couldn't figure out what was stopping me, I wasn't afraid, but I wasn't rushing to get in as well, I felt as if I had just frozen in that single spot and couldn't make a step by myself "Don't you get it!" he continued "I don't give a damn. I don't care!" aunt Sarah was startled, she couldn't figure out what to say. I guess she wanted to oppose him, but out of some reason she didn't "So now why don't you just tell me what the hell do you want from me?"

She pulled the chair and sat beside him. I've honestly never seen him like this. He has surely been drinking during the day, but he wasn't drunk right now at all. Actually, I think that's the first time in months I've seen him relatively sober.

"I need money for his medications." she stated boldly "You might have given up on your kids, but I haven't, because unlike you, I keep up to my promises. The boy is not weak" she continued knowingly "He just needs to get back on his feet. Don't you have a heart, Giuseppe? Doesn't it hurt you to see the hatred in Damon's eyes and the fear in Stefan's? Don't you feel bad when your five-year-old son can't walk on his own?" my father stood up, looked at her for quite some time and then shoved his hand in his back pocket only so he would get out the money he's kept there. He tossed a relatively big wad in the center of the table, money, that he has obviously saved for quite some time, which was unusual for him.

"That's all I've earned for the past three weeks." he stated "Now leave me the hell alone!" he cut her off and went by the fridge to get himself some beer. I turned around and leaned back on the wall beside me while letting a deep sight out. Aunt Sarah was left with no money. Of course, after all Stefan was in the hospital for a week, she must have spent whatever saving she had today, then the doctor gave her the prescription for the pills and as soon as she realized how much it will cost her she was unable to figure a way out.

"Don't you wanna go see him?" she asked after he has laid down and turned the TV on. He didn't respond, just continued to browse through the channels and I heard her going back to the sink and putting the dirty plates in it. I waited for quite some time and when they didn't say anything else to each other I decided to head back to our room, but then I heard my father's hoarse voice again. It was silent, barely audible, as if he didn't want to say the words out loud, but did so anyway.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked and it once again hit me that maybe he isn't that heartless as I thought he was

"He has pneumonia" she stated after a while since she was obviously stunned as well, surprised that he wants to know something about his kids in the first place. He didn't say anything else though, he only grunted unpleasantly as if with it he was trying to show her that he's going back to his usual uncaring mood and made her bring him one more beer since he was obviously able to drink this bottle in a matter of minutes. He was drowning himself with alcohol again, he has stopped giving a damn the minute he has decided that he should no longer be sober tonight. I let a sigh out and slowly, silently got back to our room. Stefan was indeed already asleep, just as I've thought. I went by his side and gently, careful not to wake him up, touched his forehead to see if he's warm. When I realized that he was fine, at least for now, I let a relieved sigh out and lied down in my own bed.

I felt so tired, dammit, so so tired that I had no idea how to get rid of this feeling inside me. It was so hard to keep this weight inside you and not be able to get it out. There were moments when I wanted to yell, scream, toss everything I see around me and there were others when I just sat on the kitchen chair with my hands buried in my head, wondering what the hell is going on here? Some people get sad younger, I think. Like Stefan, like me, maybe even like aunt Sarah, because she wasn't that old, even though she had two kids. Maybe even father was sad once, when he was just a boy and there was nothing that would make him feel good, just like it was with us right now. Maybe that's why he held on love so tight, that's why he fought for it until my mother's last breath-because he was afraid he would lose himself so hard there would be no turning back. And that is exactly what happened.

And as I laid down, I wondered as well, God, I wondered. Is really everything so fragile? Is it inevitable to fall into this whole of sadness and despair and not find a way out? I was my father's son, Stefan was as well, were we bound to get so ruined and tired of everything when we get his age? Or would we somehow balance and find our way out of this mess?

"What is wrong with him?" were the words I remembered before I felt myself dozing off "What is wrong with him?" he has asked. Maybe there's nothing wrong with him, dad, I thought. Maybe he's just a boy who's all fine, but everything that surrounds him in this life is wrong.

**Fletcher's POV**

I ruffled my hair as I was entering the Salvatore's yard, in desperate attempt to get rid of the snowflakes that have just fell on my head. It has obviously started lightly snowing again, I was hoping that it wouldn't last long though, because I hated it when it was so cold. It was, I think eleven in the evening, it was late, but I thought I'd pass by Damon and see how he was doing since I knew they were bringing Stefan back from the hospital today. Then again, mother said she saw their father downtown, which meant he has come back and probably caused them troubles. I took a few rocks and threw them to their window as I didn't want to ring and wake anyone up. In a minute Damon's sleepy face appeared and he tried to give me one of his desperate attempts for a smile. His black raven hair was ruffled and there were dark circles under his eyes, which probably meant he was in bed, but I knew he wasn't mad at me. Lately, him and me, we talked a lot. I never really had friends in my life until now, only my brothers, but I knew it wasn't the same. With Damon I felt as if he completely understands me, we both were wearing a big weight on our shoulders and that helped us get close. Lately, because my mom and dad were away all the time, there wasn't anyone I could really talk to. I knew they had their own problems and stuff to think for, especially now, when mom was pregnant again, but I needed to just let it out every once in a while. Damon knew how hard it was to see your brother in pain and he understood how helpless I felt sometimes.

I waved him to get outside and in a few minutes he was already slowly closing the door, trying not to wake anyone up. We went in their backyard, under something, which once resembled a shed with a bench under it. I got the beer I've brought out and he smiled appreciatively.

"You have no idea how much I needed this."

"Me too." I admitted and we both sighed at the same time which made us chuckle. "So what's up with Stefan? You got him back?"

"Yeah, he just fell back to sleep." he announced tiredly, which meant that he was probably up dealing with him until recently "He's doing better, but I guess he'll need some more time to get back on his feet. It will definitely take longer than I initially thought." he stated disappointedly "What's up with Simon? He better?"

"Yes, he just scared us a bit the other morning when he said he can't see almost anything. Mother was pretty worried when I called her at work from the hospital."

"I'm sorry." he let out and I knew he was sincere, he really meant it, because he understood what I was talking about, he knew the pain in our parent's voice and how it felt like a punch in the stomach once you realize its presence. I nodded appreciatively and we both remained silent for a while. With Damon it was all good to not talk about anything sometimes, which is how I knew he was a friend of mine. When you can stay in silence like this with someone and it wasn't awkward but actually relaxing, it meant that you can ask for nothing more from the person beside you. "Don't you get tired, Damon?" I asked and destroyed the silence myself "Of watching your brother like this?"

"I do. I wish I could just fix things. I wish I could just make him more smiley and lively and just..more happy."

"Maybe we should get them outside together this weekend." I stated "We need to get away as well." he knew I was right about the last one and he threw me an understanding glance

"What do you have in mind?" he asked confused, but curious

" There are gonna be some kind of army gathering and press conferences of troops in Charleston on Saturday, we could get them there, Stefan and Simon are dying to see real soldiers. I heard they would celebrate the arriving of those who have just recently come back. I bet the boys will like it."

"That's actually a decent idea, Fell." he patted me on the shoulder joyfully "I wonder how you come up with those stuff sometimes."

"It's nothing." I responded calmly "I'm just looking for ways out of this shit, you know? To make everything more bearable." he nodded understandingly and we drowned in silence again, having a hard time spilling it all out. When you have so much inside you, you just don't know where to start from, how to begin to get it out, to make it better for yourself so you just think until you're mouth interrupts your thoughts and causes the eruption of emotions you have a hard time holding in anymore.

"Do you ever get surprised by your parent's words?" Damon started, obviously confused about something. I furrowed my eyebrows-did Giuseppe Salvatore actually gave a shit for his children today or what?

"Sometimes I do" I responded honestly.

"Father he…" it was hard for him to find the right words, he was struggling. Damon wasn't up to talking about his private stuff anyway and him starting to talk about it meant that he was obviously thinking about something serious that has shaken him today "I just..have a hard time understanding him."

"Don't mistake guilt for caring, Damon." is all I said "Sometimes people's actions are driven by what's eating them up inside and their desperation to make it stop. Doing good once in a while doesn't mean you are a decent person, it means you're trying to drown the demons that are keeping you awake at night."

"I know he's not a decent person, Fletcher." he stated sadly "I'm just wondering if he still has a heart. Because when I was a little boy he would take me in his arms, tickle me and hug me before bed and now all I see is a ruined men, who claims that his youngest son is nothing but a weak child that will die soon anyway. Do you understand where I'm going with this?"

I nodded and we both took another sip from our beers.

We continued talking for another hour or so and when we finally decided it was too cold to stay outside, I left and wondered some more by myself on the streets before actually getting home. When I finally did and entered mine and Simon's room, I found him sleeping peacefully, with the big glasses left on the cupboard near the window. He has tossed the blanket off while he was turning left and right, so I tucked him back while trying not to wake him up, but his eyes popped up.

"Fletcher is that you?" he asked, even though one of the lights was on. He couldn't recognize me good, without hearing my voice first.

"Yes, buddy. Go back to sleep."

"Did you see Stefan?" he asked without paying attention to my words. "Is he healthy now?"

"I saw him" I lied, because he's been asking me about the younger Salvatore for days now and I've never even had the chance to see him and try to help Damon cheer him up for which I cursed myself. "He's better, can't wait for you to get together and play." that wasn't really a lie, I thought.

"Good. Thank you" he said sincerely and turned around while I allowed myself to smile. "You should sleep, Fletcher, you look awful" he added out of nowhere and left me speechless for yet another time. I saw him closing his eyes and wondered how much does he actually see from this room. I wondered if he would even remember how I look like after time passes and he completely loses his sight. Would he remember me as the kid I always was or would I become a stronger, bigger person in his imagination? Would he think of Stefan as his best buddy, a slim pale boy who always runs after him enthusiastically or will he make things better in his own mind and see him as a healthy big boy who's not afraid of anything?

I made the sad realization that the only thing my brother would soon be left with would be his imagination. And because I knew what kind of a kid he was, I was sure it wouldn't be enough for him. After the desperation consumed me so fast I just lied down and turned the lights off. I didn't want to leave him alone in his darkness-if he couldn't see anything right now, I wouldn't either.

We were after all brothers-we remained together.

**A/N: Thank you all for the sweet reviews and for reading me in the first place ! ((: Fletcher's POV was something I wrote, but didn't plan to include, later on I changed my mind so you can see some of their perspective as well since I consider them important for the story line and I grew to enjoy writing about them so yeah-I hope you fancy them as well. ((: **


	11. Chapter 11

**Damon's POV **

We were traveling in Fletcher's old, barely keeping itself together truck. The kids were yelling in the background, fighting over something, fooling around. It's been a week since Stefan got back to school, since somehow our life started to get slowly back to normal, or at least that's what I wanted to believe when the sun came up and the day started.

I've never before thought how dreadful a night can be. Yes, Stefan used to had his nightmares and we could both barely catch some sleep, but now it was worse. I thought that as time passes he was supposed to get better, and indeed, I can't deny that there was an improvement in his condition, but there were nights, which were simply awful, nights when he wouldn't stop coughing and in the mornings, when he was supposed to be all enthusiastic about the new day, he looked like he is about to fall asleep just as he was sitting straight. The same counted for me, though, at least I could drink some coffee and delude myself that it will keep me up.

Aunt Sarah's most valuable purchase these days was coffee and sugar, not even bread. I mean…who needs bread when you can't even stay awake to eat it, right? She was scolding me for drinking it so much, because she claimed it made me nervous and a pain in the ass, which resulted in Stefan using the last phrase more than usually lately and aunt Sarah and me both had our headaches when it came to making him stop saying the wrong words. At least when he got back to school he cheered up a little, which made me better as well, though his best friend seemed a bit on the downside lately, and so did Fletcher.

I guess it was a good idea coming to Charleston after all, the boys could use some change. Stefan hated our room so much already that he wanted to sleep on the kitchen couch. He didn't want to spent a day locked up in there, because it made him feel sicker than he really was and I understood him. Because of him being so uneasy lately, I had to share the couch with him and aunt Sarah often found us asleep there in the mornings, with him lying on my belly and his little hands hanging peacefully on my both my sides, with the blanket fallen on the floor. She scolded us a lot for doing this, she kept repeating that we have our own beds and she couldn't figure out why on earth were we so bend on sleeping there. But Stefan and me-we didn't pay much attention to her words, we just continued doing what we do. Plus I thought it was better staying there anyway-it was way warmer than in our room and God knows it was a very cold winter. As long as father was staying away, I was sure, that it will be all good. Lately, he's been spending his time in the bedroom- that was when he was home. We rarely saw him and I can't actually complain about that. I still couldn't figure out why did he agree to give aunt Sarah the money that day when he got back. I doubted he had any kind of good intentions, I was more inclined to believe that he was trying to drown his guilt, just as Fletcher suggested.

Aunt Sarah was quite busy lately, since she was trying to pay more attention to the girls as she neglected them too much when Stefan was in the hospital, which meant I had to take care of more stuff while she was, so to say, gone for now. Stefan was a bit sad that I couldn't play with him or take him to the park, but instead we had to go shopping or paying bills to the other side of town. He never said anything though, he's been too quite lately. I think it was because he still thought he was causing us troubles and that he should be ashamed of himself. He never said anything, not a single complain all those nights when he couldn't catch his breath. He only repeated that I should go back to sleep, that I shouldn't be up, but I never really paid attention to his words, of course. I kept asking him if he was in too much pain, if he wants to call the doctor but as soon as he heard the word doctor, he hid himself under the blanket and wouldn't let me even look under it to make sure he's fine.

Occasionally, he popped up his big green eyes, only so he would make sure it was all clear and there was no doctor around and then shoved himself back under, holding Lincoln so hard that he had to say goodbye to his other leg and now he looked more sad than actually pathetic. Sometimes it took me more than half an hour to convince him to get out of there, but he was just relentless. I laughed most of the time, but then when he has finally got to bed, I would realize that it's actually sad that he's so scared. I kept wondering what are we going to do with him from now on, I mean he had to be checked up again next week and aunt Sarah was already planning on lying that she'll be taking him out for candies. It broke my heart to watch him cry and hide or just find a way out, but I tried to play tough when it came to this, because I knew it was for his own good. He kept asking me, why don't I understand that he was just scared and I always remained silent, because I couldn't bring myself up to telling him that I do know that he's scared, but I'm way to frightened that he ever will be and it was all because he wasn't completely healthy.

"Hey boys! Cut it off, I can't hear my own thoughts!" Fletcher said a bit annoyed with the noise Simon and Stefan were making. He was a good person and he was awesome when it came do discipline so I've always admired him about that. They both stopped tickling each other and instead made funny faces silently. Fletcher was in a bad mood lately, actually no, I take that back-he wasn't in a bad mood, he seemed just too worried. He seemed as if he was trying to figure out how do deal with something and I knew it was all about Simon again. I couldn't blame him honestly-I was trying to do my best with Stefan and I felt as if I wasn't making any progress at all. Fletcher was so persistent when it came down to making sure Simon feels better. It was like he wanted to protect him at all costs, no matter what that meant for him. I'm pretty sure he would throw himself off a cliff if it could make Simon see. And honestly-I'm sure I would do the same if there was something to fix Stefan's hoarse and shallow breathing.

As we slowly went into Charleston, we immediately noticed the men dressed in uniforms and the boys suddenly got all excited.

"Wooow, are those real soldiers, Damon?" Stefan asked in awe when him and Simon were pushing each other away, trying to get a better view from the window.

"You bet they are!"

"Awesome!" both of them said at the same time and Fletcher and me laughed

"Fletcher, slow down, I can't see them good!" asked Simon and I noticed my friend furrowing his eyebrows. Stefan stepped aside to give his buddy some space and let him enjoy what he was seeing. Suddenly, both of them got too impatient to get off the car and it was hard for us to keep them down. It took us some time to find a parking place since it was crowded and when we finally did, the kids jumped on the pavement and ran before us.

"Are you sure you're okay, buddy?" I asked Fletcher while he was still trying to lock the truck as fast as he can. He granted me a fake smile and nodded, then cleared his throat. There was something wrong here, but I decided to be patient enough and wait for him. Fletcher wasn't the type of person who would just say out loud that there's something bothering him. You could see him being angry and impatient or mad about something, but he would never just spill it out from the first time, no matter how much you ask and so with him I had to be the calm and wise one. When he's decided it was all good, he would just tell me, but I wasn't supposed to push him too much or it would blow up right in my face and we'll both regret it later.

I returned his smile and we went down the street. He knew the town pretty well since his father had some friends around here and both my buddy and his big brother Evan have come to help him deal with work, so I let Fletcher lead the way. He told me there was a buddy of his here-Jack Collins or something like that. I knew his family, the lived a bit outside Mystic Falls and now it turned out Fletcher knew him for quite some time and they played when he was little, but then he obviously joined the army and they stopped communicating that much. Still, I guess they would both be glad to see each other, even though Fletcher appeared more than grumpy today. It took us some time to find Jack. The town was so crowded, I was afraid we were going to lose the boys so we kept yelling at them to slow down and come by our side. That made them even more impatient though, because they saw soldiers everywhere and they kept "wow"-ing every time they saw a real gun. Some of the man smiled at their enthusiasm and that was more than satisfying for both my brother and Simon, because someone was finally paying attention to them and that made them feel special.

"You've got to be kiddin me!" we heard someone's voice behind our backs and as soon as I turned around I saw a boy, a bit older than us, dressed in an uniform, with a gun on his belt smiling at Fletcher. "Fletcher Fell!"

"Jack Collins!" my buddy yelled and finally smiled genuinely. They hugged and patted each other on the backs for quite some time, while me and the boys stood beside them and waited patiently for their sweet reunion to be over with. "So this is my buddy Damon Salvatore." he introduced me and we shook hands. Honestly, Jack seemed like a very decent person, though his face appeared very tired and there were dark circles under his eyes. I wondered what he went through to seem so ruined at such a young age. He seemed to be about nineteen or twenty years old. How much can you exactly take when you're nineteen without falling apart? He gave me a warm welcoming smile and I tried to return with the same. Then he leaned down to the boys who were staring at him, completely amazed. They saluted him and he returned with the same. As far as I was aware with the war ranks, he must've been something like a sergeant.

"Who are those little soldiers here?" Jack asked with curiosity and that was exactly what the boys were waiting for. They didn't move from their initial positions, though they answered him immediately, as if they were on duty.

"Private Salvatore!"

"Private Fell!" they answered almost together and Jack had a hard time trying to keep himself from laughing, but he managed to remain serious and to even give them a stern superior look which didn't even make them shiver.

"Dismissed!" he said with the same determination to make them feel important and they let loose. "You boys wanna meet a real captain?"

"Yes! YES!"

"Yes, what?" he asked, sounding a bit offended

"Yes, sir!" they both repeated and saluted him again, he nodded, finally laughed and lead us to the building where the whole celebration or whatever it was exactly, was going to be held. Once we got inside there were tables of soldiers everywhere, there was I think, even a brass band which made me wanna kill myself, because my head hurt enough already. I was glad that for once the boys were listening to what someone was telling them. Honestly, I wished I could just take Jack home with us so that he could make Stefan eat when I tell him to.

"What do you say we ask one of those dudes to give us an uniform for home?" he was obviously thinking the same thing as me. We smiled and I punched him playfully on the shoulder when Stefan turned towards me with a big smile on his face. "A real soldier, huh Stefan? How's that?"

"Awesome!" he whispered, afraid that Jack might hear him talk as they were marching behind his back and scold him. His face was lightning with excitement. I don't think I've seen him this bright in months.

"What happened with your ranks? I thought you were lieutenant?"

"Shhh, Damon!" he scolded me again silently and put his index finger on his mouth, which made me smile as well "We were just playing then. This is real life now, we can't be anything but the lowest rank!" he explained, seeming unable to understand how I couldn't figure this out. I was the older one right? Why couldn't I get it?

"Jeez, Stefan, you gotta let your brother into stuff." Simon whispered as well

"Believe me" Stefan responded "I've tried." and shook his head in despair.

Fletcher and me barely prevented ourselves from laughing out loud and making them hate us for doing so. They were just so innocent and sweet in that moment that it made me feel better as well. Jack led them to one of the tables and introduced them to a real captain, only so they would completely lose their ability to speak. He showed them a real gun and gave them helmets to try on. They went almost insane form happiness and kept screaming how this is the best day ever. Fletcher took them pictures with his phone and promised to give me some later. They asked the captain to show them his dog tags and because he seemed to be a good man, he paid a lot of attention since he could see how excited they both were. He showed them his scars from battle and they sighed both in awe. Simon even fixed his glasses so he could see better. I think they were about to soon collapse from happiness, though they were trying to act decent in front of the man. He took them in his lap and started showing them his big rifle, which was thanks god unloaded, otherwise I would've probably gone insane as well. They calmed down and concentrated, trying to catch every word he was saying. I've never seen them so calm for more than two minutes when they were together. I turned around to tell Fletcher how grateful I am for taking us with him when I realized he wasn't anywhere near me.

I traced every corner of the hall and noticed Jack's uniform just from outside the doors. He was explaining something eagerly and I furrowed my eyebrows-there was something going on here. I looked up at the captain and gave him a sign that I was going outside and he nodded in confirm that there's nothing for me to worry about. I slowly approached the exit, but in the last minute decided that it's better not to interrupt them, but to rather listen to what they were saying, before they've noticed me. I know it was wrong of my to do that, but then again I could feel that something with Fletcher was off today and since he wasn't up to telling me himself what it was, I was about to find out on my own. I hid behind the door, it was noisy in the hallway, but I could still hear them pretty well.

"Fletcher, I am not doing this! Don't you understand-you're not even sixteen years old." Jack's voice sounded completely different from earlier-he was serious and moreover-angry.

"I'm turning it next week!" Fletcher continued to obviously argue about something "I just need Evan's ID so we can switch places and it will all be fine." what were they even talking about? Why did he need to switch places with anyone?

"Are you out of your mind?" Jack raised his voice, sounding even more pissed off "This is not a joke, Fletcher, this is the army! You want to become a soldier when you're not even a man! And I'm not letting you do this, you're not of age. And if you were-that's not the solution, even if you can't seem to understand it now!" A soldier? What the hell was going on here? Fletcher wanted to become a soldier? That's the most absurd thing I've heard in ages.

"Don't you understand, for godssakes, I am-"

"Yes!" he interrupted my friend "you're doing this so you can get the money!" now it all suddenly became clear to me. He was trying to find money for Simon, so that he could help him. He told me a few days ago that maybe if he gets a surgery his condition will improve for a certain period and he seemed to be willing to do everything to make it happen. Ever since they got back from that doctor they went to visit in Atlanta, he was on edge and now it all became crystal clear to me-they didn't have the money for a surgery. Not now, probably not in the next year and Fletcher knew he has no time. His brother was getting worse and worse with every passing day, way much faster than any doctor has ever expected. I knew he had a big fight with his parents this week, trying to make them understand they had to do something. I'm pretty sure they were aware of this fact, but they just felt hopeless-they were trying their best to earn as much as they could and Fletcher understood that. He just thought it wasn't enough. Coming here wasn't because he wanted the boys to meet real soldiers and have a good time-okay, yes, maybe partly it was, but it was also because he wanted to talk to Jack, to ask for his help and support in doing something absurd.

"I am doing this because of my brother!" Fletcher raised his voice now as well "I would do anything for him. I would die for him if I have to!"

"You don't understand, dammit! War changes people. You're not even slightly aware of what are the things you'll have to do. I was eighteen when I joined and you want to do this when you're just a kid? Plus, you can't forge those things. Someone along the way of the whole process will figure out you're not of age and it will get worse for all of you. "

"I am not a kid!" Fletcher protested angrily, but then decided to calm down and try explaining one more time "I have to do this, Jack. You don't understand, I can't watch him like this!" his friend didn't react, I saw him just bending his hand down. I knew what he was about to do, what he would say "I just need your help for the whole paperwork thing."

"No" Jack said "I am not helping you do something completely insane. I'm not helping you kill yourself. I've taken enough lives already and I don't want to carry even more guilt than I've already have inside."

"But" Fletcher tried again, now sounding desperate.

"I'm sorry, Fletcher. You gotta give this up." he said now calmly, but continued with a serious voice "And if you don't-I'll make sure your parents hear about this idea of yours." how smart of him, I thought, to use this kind of threat. I heard Jack slowly walking away with his heavy pace, while Fletcher let a deep, angry sigh out and turned around to enter, only so he could see me behind the door. I saw surprise flashing in his eyes for a short moment, but then when he saw my expression and understood how much I was against this as well, he furrowed his eyebrows and tried to walk pass me. I caught his wrist though and tried to stop him.

"What the hell were you thinking, Fletcher!" I punched him lightly in the arm. I honestly wanted to kick his ass since I've suddenly got so mad "What are those stupid ideas of yours? Joining the army when you're not even sixteen-are you out of your freaking mind?" I spilled out all this without a pause and silently so no one could hear us. He pulled away from me though, still very angry

"We'll talk later." he just announced and headed to the table where the boys were still fooling around with the captain, probably driving him insane already. Stefan noticed that something between me and Fletcher was wrong, because he gave me a worried look, but I shook my head in order to calm him down and gave him a light smile to support my attempt to convince him everything was good. Luckily, he was too distracted to keep wondering if there was something going on and as the captain was about to say goodbye to them, he gave them two caps, matching the soldiers uniforms and they yelled from joy and even hugged him, trying to show their gratitude. Then we watched the band play and both Fletcher and me put Stefan and Simon on our shoulders so they can see what's going on. Him and me didn't talk at all. There was too much going on in my head to speak in the first place. I just wanted to try and process it all and yet I realized that I can't! Jack was completely right-he was just a kid as well. He might be older than me, but he's still a kid. A kid, who has too much on his shoulders and who's trying to desperately to prevent the inevitable from happening that he was willing to ruin himself. Or maybe there wasn't anything else to ruin anymore? Maybe he was already broken enough and going away and doing something like this would just bring him to the end point.

I wanted to believe that there's something good for us all later on in life, but what if there wasn't? What if, after all, whatever it was Fletcher was trying to do, was right for him, since he couldn't see a way out? No, I didn't want to think like this. He can't just go miles away from here and kill people, because he needed the money for his brother. That's not selflessness-that's stupidity! You can't just give your life away like that. You can't do something like this to your closest people. What about his parents, huh? What happens when they find out that their fifteen year old son cheated and got in the army? They are ruined enough as it is-if they lose their child, they'll go insane. And what about Simon? The only one who's been taking constant care of him is Fletcher! He's the person that keeps him sane and unafraid. If he disappears from his life Simon will break in a matter of days. And I'm done watching broken kids all around me.

We walked a little more around town and sat down to buy the boys something to eat. They couldn't stop talking to each other, I don't think they were paying us much attention. They loved their new hats and I'm pretty sure we won't be able to make them put them down for probably a month. It was like a war trophy they wouldn't never let anyone touch. They kept running around us, jumping on each other's backs or tickling themselves all over the way until they got completely tired and by the time we reached the car they were barely walking by themselves. A little after we got out of town and headed back to Mystic Falls they fell asleep, hugging each other and tightly gripping the hats in their hands. Fletcher gave me a blanket and I carefully wrapped it around them.

We didn't say a word out to each other on the way back. I wasn't tired-I was just thinking about it all, still trying to figure out why on earth didn't he tell me about it all. It didn't take us long to get back-we were relatively close to the big city and once Fletcher parked in front our house I didn't even attempt to get out.

"We need to talk." I whispered so that I would wake the boys and he sighed. It took him a minute to realize that I'm not going to give up and just let go of it all so he slowly opened the door and go outside. I followed him and we entered our yard, without moving our glance away from the truck where the kids slept.

"So" I started "Wanna tell me what's this all about?"

He sighed and sat down on the step leading to the door.

"What's there to tell, Damon?" he asked sadly "Simon needs surgery. If I get in the army they'll give me money-it's that simple."

"Look" I started but he interrupted me before I could continue

"I don't need any more speeches, Damon. Jack was enough for today."

" I'm not going to give you a speech, I just want to tell you that I understand. Believe me , I'm tired of it all." I started and he looked at me with compassion "I'm tired of watching people trying to find ways to save the ones they love. I'm tired of watching people in pain, tired of hopelessly wondering if there's good in this world after all, tired of seeing nothing, but ruins in front of me, because I only have two bare hands, already rough and full of small scars from moving woods or digging holes in someone else's yard. I'm tired of pushing myself to catch some breath and keep my head above the water when my own brother can't even get some sleep, because there is not money for medications, for examinations, for better doctors. You think I don't understand you? I do, dammit. Life sucks" I emphasized on the last words "And I'm tired of trying, Fletcher! I'm tired of going on with it all. And I can't let you do this! Do you understand? Risking your life won't safe your brother, it won't help him see!" he sighed, but he wasn't annoyed with me. I think that actually today for the first time he was actually letting the words someone else was speaking up sink in. I'm sure that when he looked up there were tears in his eyes "You have to stop living in denial and accept it all so you can actually help him. Think of the future. Think what he'll need when he gets at this point of his life, think what will be helpful, what will encourage him to not give up when his life is completely ruined. Because I've seen my brother like this and it was unannounced. It just came over him and ruined his world! And trust me-you don't want to see a five or ten or fifteen year old kid like this. You don't want to look him in the eyes and realize that you can't see any spark in them." I was trying to make him understand that I know what he's doing here. I know how he feels. "So gather your shit, Fletcher. You're not leaving for the army. You're not leaving your brother alone, because that will bring him to and edge, I can tell you that. You're staying here and dealing with your problems like you've been doing until now, do you understand me?" I looked at him again. Until now I was trying to avoid his stare, but now I needed to make him understand absolutely everything I was telling him. I needed to see the confirmation in his eyes, but he has bended his head down and he has hid his face in his palms. I waited patiently for him to have his own moment and get back to reality and when he did he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks." it was a single word, but it mean absolutely everything. I sighed lightly, only to myself, feeling relieved that I've managed to change his mind. And if he tried to do something I sure as hell was telling his parents, no matter how he would hate me for it. "That was quite the speech though, you know?" he added in a few minutes and we both smiled.

"I'm sorry." I chuckled

"It's all fine." he responded "I just..want to do everything I can."

"You are doing everything you can, Fletcher. You're doing more than enough. And if you haven't noticed, you've been ruining yourself with every passing day. I know you say how I'm the one who always looks like crap, but it's actually you."

"That's not true." he opposed "You're pretty ugly, Salvatore."

"Oh yeah?" I said and punched him playfully in the shoulder "We'll see about that when I get all the girls once I make the football team."mhe punched me back and before I knew it we were up, fighting playfully until he slipped and we turned it into a game wrestle in the snow. We went wet, but it didn't matter since we both needed to just let everything out. At some point we heard Simon's worried voice from the car window.

"Fletch! Hey, Fletch, where are you?" my heart clenched. He couldn't really see us so he was scared and desperately trying to find us, even if we were practically in front of him. We stood up and cleaned ourselves from the snow, only to realize that we weren't that wet after all.

"It's fine, Simon, I'm over here" Fletcher yelled in response and Simon smiled relieved that he has found his brother. I could notice that he still couldn't exactly pinpoint where we were, but at least he was orientating himself by the sound of his brother's voice.

"Where's Stefan?" I asked as we were approaching, wondering why he isn't next to his friend.

"He's down here, sleepin." Simon repeated and I furrowed my eyebrows. I knew Stefan was tired and couldn't catch up on his sleeping, but sometimes it scared me how long he was actually doing so and why it was hard to wake him up. I went by the other door, opposite of Simon's, only to open it and see him peacefully sleeping with his hands under his head. I tried to gently shook his shoulder and wake him up. He opened his eyes, but I could see he wasn't up for completely getting out of his sweet dreams so I picked him up in my embrace. I kissed him on the forehead only to make the realization that he was too warm again and I furrowed my eyebrows angrily.

"You okay there, Damon?" Fletcher asked and I nodded in confirm. There was no point in extra bothering him now, he had enough on his plate as it was.

"It's all fine. He's just tired." I lied and I think he doubted my words for a moment, but I didn't give him the chance to get on with his questions. Stefan has opened his eyes, but he still seemed to be very sleepy. He was hugging me, but not tightly as he usually did, which meant he just had no strength to do so. "Thanks for today, Fletcher." I started, wanting to make him realize how much it meant for Stefan to go on this trip and have fun.

"No" he disagreed and I wondered what he meant by this "I am the one who should be thanking you." he gripped my shoulder thankfully as he always did when he was having a hard time expressing his emotions. This way he was showing me how grateful he was. I smiled in order to assure him that it was all fine and turned towards Stefan.

'Hey, buddy" I gently rubbed his back and he opened his tired eyes "Say goodbye to Simon." Simon looked up when he heard his name, but it was hard for him to tell who is who. I noticed that his gaze was fixed up in the sky, as if there he could find the answers to all his questions, as if he was staring into hope.

"Bye, Simon." Stefan waved slowly to his buddy and Simon gave him one of his big silly smiles

"See you in school, Stefan!" he responded happily and shoved his head back in the car. We waited until they left and then I hurried to go back inside the house and make Stefan more comfortable. I didn't like that things were still bad with him. He was supposed to be getting better with time and it seemed like nothing that much was changing. When we got inside I wanted to put him down so I could undress myself, but he was having a hard time standing on his feet so he just gripped my leg tightly and waited me to help him get undressed.

"It's fine, buddy." I was consoling myself more than him if I have to be honest. He didn't say anything, just embraced my neck and closed his eyes as I was entering the kitchen with my heart clenched, hoping that father wouldn't be here. When I realized we were all alone, I let a relieved sigh out and went to the couch so I can lay him down, but as I did so I realized that his back was wet-he has sweated too much again and I had to change his clothes. While I was slowly pulling out the sleeves off his hands he wasn't doing anything to help me. He was like a lifeless puppet, too tired to do anything. Once he was ready I tucked him good with the blanket and turned the TV on, because I knew listening to it helped him go back to sleep better. He didn't fall back though, he remained up, no matter how tired he was and I couldn't figure out why.

"Why was Fletcher sad today, Damy?" he asked as I was filling a glass of water and searching for his pills

"He's sad because" I paused and wondered whether to tell him the truth or figure something else so I wouldn't make him more desperate than he already was "He needs money for Simon so that his sight gets better and he doesn't have any." I decided to be honest here and gave him a light sad smile. His eyes popped up wide open and I'm not sure if I saw surprise or determination in them. Suddenly he stood up and tossed his blanket away. "Wait, what are you doing?" I asked confused and practically ran by his side because when he got back on his feet he staggered and almost fell.

"I need you to come with me, Damy." he said and slowly took off to our room.

"Stefan, get back to your bed, you gotta lay down" I said worriedly and tried to push him back on, but he gripped my hand with whatever strength he was left with and made me look him in the eyes.

"Just for a minute, Damy, I promise" he pleaded and I sighed desperately. He was a stubborn kid. And then aunt Sarah was claiming that I'm the one who's never giving up. He lead me out of the kitchen and back to our room, which was cold, dark and made me shiver. He let go of my hand and with the same determination that was keeping him up right now headed to his bed. I wondered what he was up to, but he surprised me even more when he just leaned down and shoved his hand under it. I thought he has just dropped one of his teddy bears there and now wanted to take it back so he could sleep better, but instead he pulled out a big jar, full of nothing else but….money. He handed it over to me.

"You give it to Fletcher." he said silently "Yeah?"

"Stefan, what on earth? How did you save that much?" I asked still in awe and kneeled down so I can see him better. He shrugged as if he hasn't done anything that important.

"I just saved all the money aunt Sarah gave me for school." he said as if it was the most logical thing in the world "Will that be enough for Simon to get better?" he asked hopefully and I wanted to look away from his sad green eyes so hard, but then again I couldn't, because I owed him to be strong and honest right now.

"I guess he'll need some more, Stefan, I'm sorry." I let out apologetically

"Oh well that's fine" he responded reassuringly "Just..when you give him the money, get me my jar back so I can continue saving, okay Damy?" he asked and totally broke my heart. I pulled him for a hug out of nowhere and it surprised him, but he embraced me with his little arms as well and tried to tighten his grip, even though he was so weak right now. I ruffled the back of his hair

"I'll bring your jar back, I promise, buddy."I was keeping him longer in my embrace, because I didn't want him to see the tears in my eyes. He was such a good person from such a young age. He would make a great man, I thought as I was gripping him tightly, unwilling to let him go.

"Thank you, Damy." he whispered in return and as I continued to rock him slowly in my embrace he closed his eyes and fell asleep, right there in my arms while I was gently rubbing his back and listening to the awful wheeze his lungs were producing and the steady beat of his small, but in fact enormous, full of kindness heart.

**A/N: Thanks for your support, guys! It means a lot. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Damon's POV**

I was carefully observing Stefan, who was slowly approaching our house..or whatever was left of it. The way he stepped over the ashes and made everything around us even more dusty than it already was, broke my heart. The expression on his face was somehow too serious for a five, almost six- year- old kid, he seemed too concentrated, as if he was trying to figure something out. For a moment, I moved my stare away from him, only to take a better look at the ruined pile of wood and bricks in front of us. I couldn't believe that in life it's so easy to just destroy something-our family home was gone and only the black burned up woods of what used to be our beds, the stairs or our kitchen table, were so sadly sticking out and pointing at the sky above us as if they were somehow trying to warn us not to come here, as if they were desperately wanting us to leave. But this was our house, no matter that it didn't exist anymore-it was where I spent the better part of my childhood, it was where Stefan slowly fell asleep in our mother's embrace. Now it was nothing but a pile of dust in the middle of a too big yard, which was lacking grass and flowers. The only thing that was still remaining was the half-broken fence that somehow outlined the borders of this property, still owned by my damn father, who was the reason for its destroying.

I kneeled, only so I would take some of the ashes in my hand, which had its own scars from this unfortunate day. I slowly let it go through my fingers and then buried them in the dust again and again as if I wanted to make it up for all the pain Stefan and I've been through.

"Damy" he called my name and I looked up, trying to hide the tears in my eyes, because I didn't want him to notice how upset I was. He was standing a few meters before me, dressed in a sweet orange t-shirt and jean shorts, which aunt Sarah made from his old pair by simply cutting them off to the knee. He still wore that hat the captain gave him all those months ago in Charleston, he never put it down-it was simply the greatest and the most valuable thing he owned right now, especially after all his toys were destroyed in the fire. His right foot was still a little crooked, even though he wasn't limping anymore. After the accident I kept trying to make him walk normally again, but no matter what I did, I couldn't change that. I was glad that he wasn't in pain anymore, because even the memory of seeing him after that night, brought tears to my eyes. I was sure that when he grows up nobody will stare at his feet, but it was important that I knew, just like he knew about all the scars on my arm and my right side. I cleared myself from the dust in my hands and tried to give him a light reassuring smile, so he could continue with whatever was bugging him right now "When we grow up, we'll fix it right?" he has been asking me this, ever since it all happened, as if he was afraid that I would forget my promise.

"Absolutely, Stef." I nodded and came closer to him, while running my fingers through my hair. His eyes remained fixed on mine for a while and then he looked back down to the ruins of our house and then back up to me, as if he was trying to figure how even we, as grown man, would be able to build this with our bare hands. He insisted on us coming here today, I don't know why, it was as if he wanted to assure himself that there was really nothing else left. It hurt me to see him like this, but after all, I knew that if we don't come, he wouldn't leave me until I agree and eventually he might do something stupid like decide to visit this goddamn place on his own, which would only complicate things. We've been through a lot after the accident, _he's_ been through a lot and I didn't want him to get hurt anymore, yet I seem to be failing that task, every time I convince myself that I won't let him feel any more pain.

I put my hand on his small shoulder and give him a knowing look-it's time to go. He lets one of those childish sights that, however, seem to be filling the air around me with so much weight, that I find it hard to breath, and slowly follows me. After we get back on the street, however, I can see that he's getting more and more unwilling to walk, so I stop and take him up on my arms. He doesn't protest, I think he's a little tired and plus he always begs me to carry him, so now now that I'm doing it without him even asking, he's surely not going to start protesting about it. His little blond hair, however, is still turned towards our house, from this height he can see it all even better and I feel him tensing up a bit.

"Mom must be so disappointed in us" he simply says after we've just made a turn and headed downtown. I wonder what he means by that, but I don't hurry to ask him. As I am gently gripping his feet, so that he wouldn't fall down, I am reminded of the scar he has, covered by his almost torn apart sneaker and I suddenly feel as if I'm back at that night, the night they brought us out of this same house, both barely alive.

**FIVE MONTHS AGO:**

I open my eyes slowly and immediately feel a sharp pain on my right side and in my arm, but it takes me a while to focus good and make sense of what's going on around me. The only thing I'm able to hear is the beeping of something next to me and by the time I finally manage to realize where I must be, I look on the right side where the noise comes from and see a monitor that obviously shows the beating of my heart. I look around the small room and make the conclusion that I'm in the hospital. I'm so used to being here after both mom and Stefan have been sick for a while that I'm pretty sure I would recognize this place even if I get amnesia. Stefan-my first thought-where is he? As I try to make an attempt and move up, I notice the big bandages just above my chest let a slight sigh out-I'm starting to remember it all-the fire in the house, the way I woke up so abruptly in the middle of the night, because there was so much smoke I couldn't breathe. Stefan was already suffocating in my embrace-he has come to sleep on my bad after he had another nightmare. Before I could make sense of what was going on, I've stood up abruptly and caught him in my embrace. I remember being sleepy, but still registering that there is something completely wrong. I've caught Stefan in my arms, his eyes were already messed up, because of the smoke, there were tears coming down his face and I couldn't figure out if they were out of fear or because it was hard for him to see anything, just like it was hard for me as well. I've gone to the door and opened it frantically only to see the hallway burning right in front of me. Then, I've turned around abruptly as I heard a noise behind my back-one of the windows has burst out because of the heat. I couldn't figure a way out there was fire before me and the side of the house was also burning as I could see the flames from the window that has just burst out. I couldn't jump and for a moment the worst thing passed through my mind. I put Stefan down back on the bed, as far from the fire as possible and wrapped a blanket around me, thinking that I would be able to pass through the door and get us outside, but that proved to be a mistake as soon as I stepped anywhere near it and yelled in pain. I felt Stefan tugging me back inside as he saw what I was doing and then when I heard the awful noise of something cracking up, I realized why he was pulling me back-his head was turned up towards the ceiling, which was about to collapse above us. I pulled back just in time before a big part of it fell in front of us-this house was burning down and burying us inside. I looked up at Stefan-we were both coughing hard, because of the smoke, trying to catch some air, his eyes were desperate, sad and scared. As soon as I heard another crack above us, I pushed him as gently as I could on the floor and tried to cover him with my body, but I tripped in something and ended up a few steps away from him. When I made an attempt to take his hand it slipped away from mine, just as I was trying to pull him closer to myself and even when he tried to reach out to me he barely managed to touch me. As I finally tightened my grip on his small palm it was too late. When the burning wooden post fell on us the only thing I could think of was how much I hurt.

I was thinking about all of this, as I was trying to raise myself up and get over the pain. I needed to find him, I needed to make sure he was fine. Before I could make any attempt and get on my feet the door opened and a relatively young doctor, probably in his thirties entered the room. As soon as he saw me he furrowed his eyebrows angrily.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" he approached me fast and pushed me gently, but persistently down on the bed. I was breathing heavily, it was hard to do so, I felt as if something was suffocating me. The doctor took the stethoscope away from his neck and checked my breathing while still in the same manner, as if he was unpleasant with my condition. "You shouldn't be getting up, okay?" he said after he took a glance at the beeping machine next to me "Are you in pain?"

I tried to speak up, but I realized it was hard and the only word I managed to comprehend was barely audible and with a very hoarse voice.

"No" I lied and immediately started coughing. He brought a glass of water to my lips and I drank eagerly. It tasted so different in my mouth that I almost wanted to spit, but I got myself together and swallowed it all. When I was done he checked up my bandages and told me his name-it turned out he was Gilbert, which is why I realized where he seemed familiar from-Fletcher and me once fixed the fence in their enormous mansion. It took me a while to comprehend my next sentence.

"What happened?" I asked and he sighed tiredly, only to sit next to me on the bed and give me a compassionate look. He seemed to bea good man. I remember Fletcher and me fooling around in their yard, spitefully commenting the rich people inside the house, who were making cocktails and organizing parties while we were fixing their fences. I should really stop judging people based on their wealth.

"Your house went on fire, Damon. The fireman say that it was probably caused by a cigarette or something like this" the first thing that came to my mind was father. He was the only one, who smoked in the house, he must have gone to the kitchen after he came home. I remember hearing the door close a little too harsh, which meant that he was drunk. I suddenly felt the anger inside me build up and I clenched my hands in fists "It was a miracle they managed to save you after the house practically collapsed over you and your brother.

"Stefan.." I started and he hurried to interrupt me

"He's upstairs in the Pediatric department. I'm guessing- probably asleep."

"Is he okay?" I asked worriedly and tried to raise up again, but didn't have any strength to continue and do anything at all. The look he gave me was even more apologizing. It seemed as if this man wanted to tell me how sorry he is for the fact that my drunken father almost caused us to die, but was finding it hard to express it good with words so he just gave me sad sympathetic smiles and heavy sighs, which showed his inability to change anything just as I was unable to do something right now.

"His right foot has severe burns so he won't be able to walk normally soon and he'll need to be taken care of." he said in with the same sad voice "And he's coughing a lot but that's probably not only because of the smoke, but also because he was sick soon. He'll need someone beside him in the next month or so. Just like you will" he added seriously "Your burns will cause you a lot of pain and you'll need someone to change your bandages once you get out of here. You have to be very careful until the wounds heal" he sounded serious, trying to make me really understand his words and how serious the situation was and I closed my eyes, trying to comprehend everything that he said "Which reminds me that your aunt is waiting outside to see you."

"I want to see my brother." I responded instead and he looked at me surprised by my reaction. I tried to stand up again while leaning on my left healthy arm, but he put his hand on my shoulder, trying to stop me. I wasn't about to give up though "I won't stop trying to get out of here until I see Stefan." I said completely seriously, now trying to make _him_ understand "I don't care how much it hurts" I continued absolutely aware of what I was going to feel as I was already barely keeping myself together from the pain and was breathing with many difficulties. "I need to make sure he's fine."

"Damon" he tired to reason with me once again

"You don't understand, doc." I interrupted him once again "He's my brother and I'm not leaving him for the world."

He let another desperate sigh out and gave me an angry look, but stood up nevertheless and went outside without saying a word. I've just thought that he has given up on me and let me torture myself here with the thoughts of how my brother really is, when he came back, pushing a wheelchair towards the door. He helped me slowly raise up and it took me way more time to actually get up, than I supposed. He was careful not to touch my burns, but it was inevitable to do so as they were all over my right side. He kept reminding me how we shouldn't be doing this, that I need to rest as my burns are nothing to treat with the careless attitude I had, but nevertheless he gave me a t-shirt and got me outside where aunt Sarah was waiting on the chairs beside my room with a worried expression. As soon as she saw me, she almost cried out from relief.

"Jesus Christ, Damon." she said and kneeled next to me only to place a gentle kiss on my cheek, a gesture my mother used to do all the time when I was little and even sometimes when I grew up. "You two scared the hell out of me." she said as she hugged me carefully, trying not to cause me anymore pain that I was already feeling. I'm guessing the doctor told her that I want to get up, because she threw him a worried glance as I was finding it a bit hard to breath at the moment and then she angrily furrowed her eyebrows "You shouldn't be up, you're hurt."

"I'm fine aunt Sarah. Let's just go see him" I said with the same awful voice that made her hand tremble for a bit before she gently tightened her grip for a moment and stood up nodding. The doctor left us and she pushed the wheelchair towards the elevator. We obviously had to go to another floor. At first there was nothing, but silence between us and I felt that something tortured her, but tried to bring her back to reality, back to me. Her facial expression was screaming with exhaustion-she probably hasn't slept in a while, trying to make sure that me and Stefan are once again, fine. After our trip to Charleston we haven't seen her much, she was trying to pay attention to her own children as she has neglected them lately and she had her own troubles with them. We rarely saw her in the past two weeks before the accident. Stefan even asked me if she still loved us, because she didn't come often and I had to explain him that she just had too much work to do, but she hasn't forgotten about us..or at least I hoped so. Now, we were yet going through another problem, through another obstacle. I wondered if there would ever be a time when we wouldn't have to go through hell, every once in a while. I wanted things for us to simply get better is that too much to ask for? I wasn't even allowing the thought of what we were going to do after we got out of the hospital, sink in, because I was too afraid of the outcome. "Did you went to see him" I asked instead, trying to clear my own mind.

"Yes" she nodded and she suddenly became even more serious "I was here a few hours ago, but they don't let me stay much with him. He was barely conscious, I'm not sure he realized what was happening around him." for a moment as we were just getting out of the elevator, I felt that sharp pain on my right side again and couldn't prevent from clenching my jaw and letting a gasp out. She suddenly stopped and leaned next to me with an angry expression as she saw my healthy hand on the place where I was hurting. "You shouldn't have moved, Damon. You're seriously injured."

"I need to see my brother." I said with the same determination I had when I spoke to the doctor. "He saved my life." I added going back to the moment when we were in our room. She gave me a questioning look, doubting how a five year old could do something like this

"What are you talking about?" she asked still extremely confused.

"He pulled me away when the ceiling started falling down."

"And then you covered him with your own body." she tried to argue with me "The firefighter found you like this on the floor in your room." she added, trying to remind me of my own actions

"No" I opposed "I tried to cover him, but his hand slipped away. I couldn't bring him closer to me on time. Only when I felt it all collapsing on us, did I manage to pull him to myself" I said honestly and she continued to shake her head "If he hasn't pulled me back, you would've been to the graveyard right now and not here."

"Damon, don't you dare blame yourself for what happened." she cut me off with her typical stern voice that she used only when she was trying to make a point. "This is your father's fault an no one else's." she let another deep worried sigh and headed to the row of chairs in the middle of the hallway, which made me a bit suspicious and worried. She placed the wheelchair in front of an empty seat and sat down after she made sure that I was strong enough to hear what she had to say.

"What's going on?" I ask confused. Something wasn't right. She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, just like I used to do, then she looked up with teary eyes

"After you father realized what he has done he tried to run, but the policemen eventually found him and called me as I was waiting to get some news for you here, in the hospital."

"Is he dead?" I asked a still feeling confused.

"Damon!" she was about to scold me, but changed her mind "No" she shook her head and gave me a disapproving look for thinking like this, but managed to get over herself and not scold me as she probably felt too bad for me right now "He was just drunk. They held him for 24 hours and I guess that by this time he must have already be out." I was just about to let out my complete disappointment, but she didn't gave me the chance as she was obviously hurrying to let it all out "But he won't be coming home anytime soon."

"You went to talk to him" I was smart enough to figure it all out only by looking right into her eyes

"Yes" she nodded seriously "Me and your uncle Kevin actually. He will leave and we've made sure he doesn't come back anytime soon."

"But what about me and Stefan? He is our legal guardian." I didn't want her to misunderstand me. I was beyond glad that father will simply disappear from our lives, not that he was much present, ever since mother died, and even before that, but I was concerned about me and Stefan being separated or shipped off somewhere.

"Yes, but the social services came to visit both him in jail and me here in the hospital. They've said they have to take you to a foster care, but I talked to them….and to my lawyer." she stopped abruptly for a moment, obviously remembering something. I noticed the tears in her eyes yet again and stretched my healthy hand, only so I could grip hers and try to give her some strength. I knew what she was about to say-they were going to place us into some group home, we were officially orphans. And she was blaming herself for not being able to do anything about it. I was trying to overcome the fear that suddenly made me forget how to breath and I suddenly tensed.

"It's okay, aunt Sarah." I whispered, being unable to make my words sound any more clearly "I understand."

She arched her eyebrow and shook her head with a light smile

"No, Damon, you don't understand." she opposed me once again as one of the tears finally fell down on her cheek. I noticed how big the circles under her eyes were just now and felt even more guilt inside me. She didn't deserve this.

"Yes, I do. I don't expect you to do this-" I was too eager to interrupt her

"Just listen to me" she was the one to grab my hand and grip it now "I talked to my lawyer and he's preparing the documents. I will be your legal guardian from now on." the last sentence echoed around us as the hallway was almost completely empty. I couldn't really make sense of her words, so I only gave her a confusing look, but she smiled and continued, before I've comprehended a decent answer "When you two get out of here, you're coming home to live with us all."

"What?" I let it out more like a statement than a question. Now I was feeling my eyes starting to sting and I hurried to clear my throat, which only caused me to cough and for her to come by my side worriedly and start scolding me for getting up so much that I'm pretty sure she was about to just turn the wheelchair and get me back down. Once I finally calmed down, I looked up at her, still unable to figure out what to say. "Aunt Sarah…I-"

"Shh, there's no need to say anything" she consoled me and pushed the wheelchair down the hallway. I could see she wanted to get it over with the by her worried look. She thought I wouldn't be able to stay like this for much longer and honestly-she wasn't wrong. I was feeling weaker with every passing minute, but I wasn't going to give up, not now when we were obviously so close to his room.

"Thank you." I finally managed to say a little before we got to the end of the corridor.

''Don't think about it now." she tried to make me feel more comfortable, which wasn't possible. It was hard for me to comprehend how she decided to put this extra weight on her shoulders. We were more or less kids, who needed care, especially my brother- we needed to eat, get warm clothes and recieve the attention we needed. Let alone all the money that were needed to raise a child- she didn't have to support two more kids. She was barely making ends meet as it was now and I couldn't figure out how uncle Kevin and her reached the agreement to start taking care of us. Not that he was a bad man-on the contrary, he was very honest and extremely hard-working and me and Stefan we admired him a lot, he was always so kind to us and often, when we were in their house played around with Stefan. The kid adored him and loved spending time with him every chance he got. But uncle also had two daughters, one of whom was a little less than an year old, he had his family to think of, he wasn't supposed to take care of us.

"Aunt Sarah" I started again, trying to figure a better way and express my gratitude, but she just put my hand on my shoulder and shook her head. It wasn't time for this now was what she was trying to say, just before she opened the door.

As soon as we finally entered, we saw my little brother lying in one of those childish beds staring at the TV in front of him. He seemed tired, barely keeping his eyes opened and his little feet, wrapped up with too much bandages, was lifted up on a big pillow, which from the spot where I was right now, made it hard to see his face better. Aunt Sarah pushed the wheelchair and he moved his little blond head up a bit to see what was going on. As soon as he saw me a smile appeared on his face.

"Damooon!" he tried to yell happily, but his voice sounded even worse than mine and he immediately started coughing, just like it has happened with me and aunt Sarah scolded him while also rushing by his side.

I tried to push the wheelchair with my healthy hand and thankfully I managed to do so, even though it caused me enormous amount of pain, which didn't remain unnoticed by my aunt and she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Hey, buddy" I hurried to start a conversation with my brother before she could've scolded me this time, his eyes immediately light up, as if someone has just given him a present. He smiled as I caught his hand. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." he mumbled happily and aunt Sarah smiled while she was fixing his blanket "Are you okay?" his eyes fell on my bandages and his eyes suddenly became worried "I thought something happened to you, because they didn't want to tell me where you were. I got scared, Damy." he couldn't stop talking now. He was letting the words out from relief that he was seeing me, because he doubted the grow-ups words and he needed a real confirmation that I was indeed alive and well.

"It's all fine, Stefan. It's going to be okay." I assured him and he gave me yet another smile. I wondered what how was it that he always believed the same words I was using. Wasn't he tired of seeing things always go wrong for the two of us. "Does your foot hurt?"

"Nooope" he always prolonged the words when he was lying.

"You and your brother are the worst liars ever to be born" said aunt Sarah helplessly and pushed Stefan back to the pillow when he was trying to raise up and sit straight so we could be closer "Don't even think about it." she scolded him and I supported her decision by giving him a serious look as well. He sighed and lied back down. I was finding it harder and harder to continue staying in this position. Suddenly, the only thing I wanted to desperately do, is lay down and aunt Sarah noticed it. It was hard to hide something from her. However, I found the strength in me to stay until Stefan fell asleep. He was just so tired, pale and lacking any kind of strength that he didn't need much. I stayed by his side as he wanted me to tell him a story and before I even got to the middle of it, he was out, breathing heavily. Aunt Sarah fixed his blanket yet again and I placed a kiss on his little hand, the same one that has pulled my away from the falling ceiling, because I couldn't stand up and reach to his forehead.

He looked so peaceful when he was asleep it made my heart even more heavy than it already was.

**NOWADAYS:**

"Mom must be so disappointed in us."

"Why so?" I said after a while

"We let her house burn" he said simply "And we can't fix it any time soon." the sadness in his voice didn't fail to hit me in the stomach once again.

"One day we will." I said knowingly and decided to change the subject as I saw how serious he still was "Want me to buy you one of those lollipops that color your tongue?" he immediately clapped his hands in excitement and it made me laugh out loud

"Yes, yes! Please, Damy! I promise I will behave. I will even eat my dinner tonight" he loved to make promises when he wanted something. I nodded my head in reassurance and his eyes lit up, then he asked me to put him down and hurried to the candy shop which was just around the corner while I scolded him not to run so fast. "Can I have a green one? Please, Damy!"

"Okay, a green one it is." I promised as we entered the place. In fifteen minutes we were out with a big green lollipop and some candies he promised not to eat before dinner. He was laughing so sincerely around me that it only made me smile even wider. I ruffled his sandy hair and urged him to keep going towards the park so he could swing some. I wanted to get him out of the sad reality we've been living in for months now. I wanted him to be happy. Even for a short while.

**A/N: How stubborn is Damon exactly, huh? Anyway, I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I had certain ideas in my head when it comes to this story, but it was hard to put them in the right order and figure out how to exactly write everything that's on my mind. I hope you enjoy this update and I would definitely appreciate your opinions on it! **


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